Rhett & Link Quotes, GMM 667-813

(Jul 3 2016) 

First post & GMM 1-181, GMM 182-369, GMM 370-520, GMM 521-666, GMM 814-967, GMM 968-Current

GMM 667: L “‘The Glass Wolf.’ That’s a good name for a Minecraft account, like, ‘oh, here comes the Glass Wolf!’” R “You playing Minecraft again?” L “A little bit.” R “A little bit on the side, they call me The Glass Wolf.” L “Yeah, I just gave it away. Look for me on the Minecraft servers, The Glass Wolf.”

L “It’s not mad to fall madly in love with someone, especially if their name is got “the handsome” in it.”

L “He would drench his beard, his clothes, and wall hangings, like everything around him in ambergris.” “It is a solid, waxy, flammable substance of a blackish color produced in the digestive system of a sperm whale. Sounds like it smells great, dudn’t it? Let me rub some of that on my beard!”

R “Fishy and fecal. My two favorite smells.” “You gotta like a man who has distinct tastes.”

GMMore: R “We are proud to say that ‘Good Mythical Morning’ is up for two different Webbys and then our Nerd vs. Geek rap battle is up for another Webby.”

L “Let’s be honest. We want to win the People’s Voice Award...”

GMM 668: R “Can I see the manager? 'Cause this is hair and, uh, cardboard.”

L “You’ve swallowed a pill bigger than that before.”

GMM 669: R “If we’ve proven anything on this show is that we care about fitness! Have we proven that? I don’t know if we have proven that.” L “Well, we’ve made a lot of efforts!”

L “I think this goes to show you that any woman who’s willing to prance is, uh, she’s on my team.” “I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I am.” “Do you know how when you’ve been given news so good, that you feel bad, like your body starts to react negatively? That happened to me.” “Something about a woman in a leotard with that much hair, man. Hair that don’t quit!”

R “Sometimes, I don’t understand Japanese things, but I appreciate them with a passion.” “We could bring this back! Chair dancing with tambourines!” “Who would have thought you could have so much fun with two paper plates?”

GMMore: R “He had a dream vomit?” “You can’t dream vomit. That is bad new all around!” “Yeah, you gotta sync up with the horns.”

R “That’s what guys are thinking when they wake up. They’re like, what kind of day is this gonna be in terms of flatulence.” L “Like a weather report.”

GMM 670: L "It's like a waterfall of awesome!" 

GMM 671: R “She was so into this idea that she dropped her kid off at boarding school, something I think about all the time.” (both laugh) L “Ouch! This goes out to people, including your own children. You realize that, right?”

L “G Wagon. G for gangster.”

GMMore: R “Sleeping. They call it ‘the little death.’” “When we move back to North Carolina, we’ll be the rest home tour because we’ll be of the age.”

L “The mythical elderly.”

GMM 672: L “I don’t care, it tastes awesome!” “If you ate one of these every day, you also would be history.” “I thought I was going to get a cramp under here, which I’ve gotten many times from eating meat mountains.”

R “We need to do this more often. You just talk about things and hand them to me and I eat ‘em.” “This is like going to the Grand Canyon and learning about the history of the Earth, but all I need to know is the history of this sandwich, which was probably you know, 5 minutes at Arby’s. The present is it going into my mouth.” “Another end for my friend.” “Yeah, I’ve dipped my fries into everything.”

GMMore: L “If you’ve never been out here, when you come out here, go to ‘In-N-out.’ It’s like a spiritual experience.” “And the fries are awesome. They turn me into an animal, especially when they’re animal fries.” “Pipe down, Porky! Pipe down, you’re not going to get any of this Dutchman.”

R “Chicken nuggets remind me of the state I was born in, Georgia. It’s why I eat ‘em.”

GMM 673: R “We are in Biosphere 1 right now, Link! It’s awesome!” 

L “You gotta have a theater degree to use a rice thresher.”

GMM 674: L “A bathroom is never a good place to be surprised…”

R “And if you’re currently trapped in a port-o-potty, naked, just figure a way out, okay?” L “Just get out of there and don’t tell anybody it ever happened!” 

GMMore: L “You know how sometimes I wanna get out of the house that much quicker? Two things at once. I was peeing and applying deodarant at the same time! Must I spell this out?” R “That’s a fool’s errand, man.” 

R “If you’re in a marriage that’s been going for 36 years, don’t ask for trouble, man. Don’t see if she’s happy. She’s not.” L “Oh, that is sad.” 

L “Is there something you need to tell us about your quality of your marriage?” R “I’ve only been married for 14 years. My wife’s happy.”

GMM 675: L "'Slunch', slouch. 'Slunch' is a word now." "This episode's falling apart."

R "Slunch is what you have in between supper and lunch." "I do not want 'Good Mythical Morning' to endorse men going up to women and kissing their hands." "Today is the last day ever that you will be able to get a 5th anniversary Mythical Shoe."

GMMore: L (reading a fan letter) "P.S. Rhett's super cool and Link's kinda girly." 

GMM 676: R “Hey, everybody’s got taste buds on their back.” “I’m a potato lover.”

L “Okay, now that’s like a Jamba Juice practical joke.”

GMMore: L “You ruined my love life, guys.”

R “It’s like I just took a bite of the Garden of Eden. After the fall.”

GMM 677: L “Why am I confused? Mainly because you’re talking to yourself and talking to your hand about voting for Kennedy! This is crazy!” 

GMMore: R “Boy, my family would sit down. We’d have spaghetti with milk.” L “I almost thought about not coming over to your house anymore because-“ R “So milky?” L “it was so milky over there. It made me feel weird.” R “Such a milky environment.” 

L “As a kid, I didn’t drink milk. It was horrible to me, it was nasty. I also didn’t drink water.” “I was a late bloomer when it came to milk, but I’m killing the dairy industry. I’m proping the dairy industry up, and the chocolate syrup industry, and the peanut butter industry, and that is my diet. I wouldn’t drink milk, I wouldn’t drink water. I would only drink coke, and I mean that in the southern sense of any soda. I’m just as healthy as you now.” 

R “Don’t put Link in your pocket.”

GMM 678: R “The one flaw in Mr. Rogers’ character: He sicked a bat at her.”

GMMore: L “I don’t read anything.” “I dream CDC reports.”

R “Case report is synonymous for Link’s dream journal at CDC.”

GMM 679: R “Hey, buddy. Get a butter bite. Hey buddy, did you get a butter bite?” "Did you get a butter bite, brother?" “I just have a positive attitude about everything.” “Come on, Chipmunk Link. You gotta get it down.”

L “Good for us.” “Look at me, look at how I’m smiling now.” “Who knew flowers were such a nasty, nasty, bad thing." "I'm gonna bite, chew, chew, chew, swallow. Not even gonna think about it."

GMM 680: R “Even if you’re a test tube baby, you should keep watching and take a moment to think about it. You got a momma to be thankful for…”

R “Today, we ask the age-old question.” L “Will it mini-van?” R “Let’s mom about that!” R “Good Mythical Moms!” 

R “I don’t know why I’m getting so tickled.”

GMMore: R “If there was a butter spray named ‘Rhett,’ I’d be buying it every day. I’ll tell you that right now.” L “Every day?” R “I’d have one every day…’A can of Rhett’….It would be part of daily routine.”

R “I love the smell of wood, man. Can you tell?”

GMM 681: R “You guys look like you could be Stampy’s kids! What’s up with that? Hold on. Do we need to talk about something?” Stampy “They just base their hairstyle on who they look up to really.” 

L “These kids are geniuses. They have genes that make them geniuses.” 

R “It’s all down to you, me, and these torches, buddy!” 

GMMore: R “You’re telling me that you’ve called your mom twice in one day?”

L “I have a knack for making things more awkward.”

GMM 682: R “Don’t cry, big white fluffy turtle.”

GMM 683: R “I’m a pretty messed up dude, so, ya know, I’m good at figuring out which things are messed up and what things are made up by Linkypoo.” “I’ve been Shreked!”

GMMore: R “I am a model princess, if anything.”

GMM 684: R “I don’t go to the club. Look at me, guys. Come on. Get a grip.” “I’m like, ‘why do we humans do this? Let me go out there and do my Michael Jackson and make everybody laugh.’”

L “If it’s not viral, then it has to be alien.” R “Aliens exist. We’ve proved it this morning on ‘Good Mythical Morning.’” 

GMMore: L “No one’s weaker than when they’re laughing.” 

R “Maybe we should teach a class on Lynda!” L “Boxing and Laughing.” R “Making your opponent laugh. A boxing extravanga with Rhett & Link.” L “Laughing your way to the Welterweight title by Rhett & Link.” R “I’ll be your trainer. With special cameos by Rhett as Link’s trainer.” 

R “So, what are you saying, Link? Next time somebody laughs in your face, punch ‘em?” L “If you’ve been looking for the opportunity, then that’s it.” R “If you want to.” L “If you want to.” R “Don’t punch people, but if you’ve got somebody that you really need to punch” L “Make ‘em laugh.” R  “and it’s your decision to do it, get ‘em laughing first.”

GMM 685: R “I looked like Lurch.” 

R “Do not do the Chicken Dance not matter what day it is.” L “Lop the head off the Chicken Dance.” 

L “You get in shape at the prom!” 

L “Oh, yeah, baby! Line ‘em up, knock ‘em down!” R “If you don’t win prom king after this, transfer to another school!”

GMMore: R "Hello. Welcome to my mouth." "Bobbleheads do anything you want them to do." 

L "Bobbleheads say no. Bobbleheads say yes. Bobblehead be silent." 

GMM 686: L “$1.3 million dollars.” R “My butt is not worth it.”

R “I don’t touch metal in general because of all the prints I leave on it because of how oily I am.” “I don’t even use a mouse, I use just hand signals.” “We’re men, daggumit.” “...we went into a store and we came out with two book bags and we wore them around the streets of New York City.”

GMMore: R “What do you want for Christmas little boy?” L “Santa car?”

R “You just sat in my lap, like I was a car. That happened.”

GMM 687: R “Anytime you’re doing something wrong, you gotta look like you’re doing something right. Remember that, kids.”

GMMore: R “Anyway, I’m just saying, I wish I was a squatter, but if I was, I would do it temporarily. I wouldn’t get caught then I would go live in the mountains.”

 

GMM 688: R “You gonna have to use my hints. My hints are great. I want you to win. I want to carve you in a watermelon so bad.”

L “Celebrities in the eye of the beholder.”

GMMore: L “You’re one in a watermillion.”

R “Link, you don’t talk a lot while you carve. You’re a man on a mission.” L “Well, you know, if you’re gonna talk, I’m gonna listen. You know me.”

R “I see your mouth and raise you an ear.” “Look at the resembulance.”

GMM 689: R (about his beard->) “I imagine it quite often.” “What doesn’t kill the tongue makes the tongue stronger.” “So anyway, I guess you can lift whatever you want with whatever you got.”

L “Never has a tongue hated the man it resided in more than that guy’s.”

GMMore: L "I want you to be happy." “Teeth make sense because, I don’t know, it justs makes a little more sense to me.”

R “Don’t think he’s too stupid, just the right amount of stupid.”

GMM 690: R "Let's delve in and dole out."

L "Any man who looks up 'pookiestick' when he's trying to come up with a word also stalks his ex-girlfriends." 

R "That's my ex-girlfriend's name: 'Blankety blank blank.'" L "You also dated 'tttttt' in the past." R "Yeah, I did!" 

GMMore: R "You see ladies and gentlemen, when you want to crad, you just have to crad a little bit." 

L "Oh, peanut butter Kit-Kat. What? What? What?" "Oh my gosh, guys. This is the greatest thing I've ever had. Hold on, I don't think you guys realize that my life has just changed. This the most amazing thing I've ever eaten." R "Well, you gotta move to Poland now." L "I'm moving to Poland. Point me toward the pole. Here I go."

GMM 691: L “I always recommend having a scuba-certified Noah around.” “Listen to me. If I die, I want you to carry on for about a week, and then I want you to be, like, ‘I can’t do this without him’ and then I want you to quit, but I want you to try for a week without me.” “Cause I want you to prove that you can’t do it without me. I don’t want you to just say, ‘nah, out of his honor, I’m not gonna do it.’” “There’s nothing like looking at a stopwatch and a guy float in a pool for two and a half minutes. This is invigorating.”

GMMore: L “I bet you GloZell could hold a mean piece of breath.”

 

GMM 692: R “We have transformed the ‘Good Mythical Morning’ set into a kitchen.” L “This is nothing but danger.”

GMMore: R “I’m always a little frightened by Captain Crunch. I wouldn’t want to spend any time with him.” L “He’s a loose cannon.”

L “It’s not my job to fry the bacon, I just bring it home.”

GMM 693: L “You don’t want to know what the road’s witch doctor name is? The knocking beetle.” “Whistling language should never die!” (put that on a t-shirt) “Next time you go to the Amazon, you are gonna want to ask somebody what fat spider monkey’s your breast.” Put that on your smartphone when canoeing down the Amazon.”

R “You said Satan. Don’t invoke anything here, Link.” “I’m going to teach my children to only speak in this language. I’m tired of hearing their voices.”

GMMore: L “If you want to know what it’s like to thump our actual heads, buy the bobblehead.”

R “I’m so interested in islands, especially the people just kill ya.”

GMM 694: R “It’s like life. You need the absence of light and you need light at the same time. The world of Shadow Puppet.”

GMMore: R “That’s like a comic book character. Flounder-donkey. He’s got two eyes on one side of his head.”

L “Goblin hands."

GMM 695: R "You got hair back there? He's like a bear...I saw him at the pool one time. I adverted my eyes...Your mom plucks it." (in an accent->) “Do not take me to your office…. Horseman, they call me Horseman.”

L (as Reginold the Hairdresser) "I call it hair topping. It's not a wig. Wigs are for sad people." "I take after my mom who has no back hair, but my dad is like a gorilla back there!" 

GMM 696: L “Thank you mythical beasts for listening to the arguments. It’s not a popularity contest, even though I know you like me.” “Cats purr at the frequency of a diesel engine.” 

GMMore: L "I should be a catwoman, a cat lady.” “I had a cat named Patches for a couple of days, 'til it had worms coming out of its anus."

 

GMM 697: L “I don’t care if you call it cola, if you call it soda, if you call it pop, you can call it black liquid that fizzes, for all I care.” “I’m coking with ya.” "Yes, I'm wearing purple pants!" 

R “No one has ever called cola, ‘black liquid that fizzes.’” “Can you carbonate urine? I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It makes me wonder.”

GMMore: R "And kids, this is the lesson: Get white pants and get someone to dye them any color you want them so you can shake your booty in 'em and put it up against a spinning wheel." "Teach a child to pull guts out of an animal. Come on, live a little bit!" "I want one of two things. I want sprinkled pants or fried brim, and I want it in the next half hour. Can you make that happen for me?" 

L "It tasted like burnt accidents." "I sense that you're on the verge of a lot pain, I don't know what's happening, but it's okay. I'm here for you, man." "I know I can't make you happy in that way, I'm just your friend." "Are you about to cry?" "I could eat a mess of crappie. Just pile it up high."

GMM 698: L “Wouldn’t you be angry if you lived in a chest of drawers? Call me Chester, Chester Drawers.”

L "Have you been texting with boys?" R "Yeah, like, Patrick and Dillion and Schwa-schwa. Yeah, Schwa-schwa's been sending me lots of texts. I'm thinking about going out with him and Dillion at the same time and you can't do anything about it 'cause I'm a strong independent woman."

GMM 699: R “Y’all know y’all wish y’all was me!” "You gotta grease yourself up if you're gonna do this kind of thing. I mean, if you're gonna escape from prison or you're gonna rob a Paesan Pizza, you gotta put Crisco all over yourself." 

L “Don’t pee on your only source of sustenance.” "Put Crisco all over yourself!" 

GMMore: R "Well, if you're duck-sucked, a lot of the time, you get duck-stuck. 'Well, first thing that happened officer is I got duck-sucked. And then right after I got duck-sucked, I got duck-stuck.'"

R "I will be upside down for 3 hours for $125,000. I will make that claim right now, I will do that. Any theme park in the world, if you wanna put us on the loop-de-loop-" L "Us? Me? I'm in this?" R "Well, 125,000 each." L "-each."

GMM 700: R “This is what your liver looks like if all you eat is skittles.” L “This is what we can do, Internet!!”

GMMore: L (misreading a fan letter) "I love you guys like this presents."

GMM 701: R “All beekeepers should be able to breathe in and talk at the same time.” “Bill, you can’t just handle hand-fulls of bees.” “This is not the first time that Link has worn something that is called, ‘The Scent of the Queen.’”

R “Bill!” L “You have outdone yourself!” R “Your bees have outdone themself.” L “Your bees and yourself has outdone itself.”

GMMore: L “No one wants an orifice pried apart by bees.” R “Period.”

GMM 702: L “Me beat you. You make fire? Me make more fire! 84 percentile! Me got heavy eyebrow ridge.”

 

GMM 703: R “I have invented bleachers! Put a field in front of them and you will enjoy soccer for days!” “Bleachers in the SKY!” "Oh, he was on the Wright flyer at the wrong time!"

GMM 704: L “I’m in constant fear of tweeting anything. That’s why I tweet so little because my boss might know the truth about me and fire me!” R “That’s right! I look at all your tweets, son!” L “I ain’t got no boss!”

R “Yeah, I’ve never seen a Tinkerbell with a Busch Light before.” “Sometimes, I just get a pack of Cool Ranch Doritos and just lick ‘em and nothing else!” “I don’t think I’ve ever seen a horse emoji used properly except for somebody who’s riding one currently, and I don’t follow anybody who rides horses, so.”

L “I’ve never been able to do a glue factory joke right. The trend continues.”

GMMore: L "But, how did I make babies?" R "Well, we can talk about that later." L "Actually, let's not." R "Well, I mean, later, when the camera's off." L "Actually, let's not." 

L "lynda.com/more. Free ten day trial. Holla atcha boy." (Holla at your boy) "Dude, you're such an idiot." "Don't snap-brag."

R "I was using the bathroom, number two, and I was snapchatting at the same time." L "Only Anthony Padilla can get away with something like that, man."

R "That's what I look like when I use the bathroom." "Somebody snapped back at me, 'No poo selfies.'" "I grow a red beard and red eyebrows when I poop." "That was a good day on Snapchat."

R "That's so funny, Rhett." L "I can't sit here with you anymore." 

GMM 705: R “Alright, well, I’m not doing that much mayonnaise because I’m using my brain today, not just my drill.” “Not the first time I’ve heard that.”

L “Now, see the way I’ve done it, I’ve got mayonnaise in every crevice.” “Now’s your moment. You just go down into the description all by your lonesome. Just have a little description time.”

GMMore: R “...I recently celebrated fourteen years of marriage to my wife…” “Is it Mary or Margaret? Make a decision. Just kidding, I love it. I would call you ‘M&M’ if you were my friend.” “It’s not hot.” “You bring crayons, I bring a sword.”

L “I fell for it! Oh, dang!” “See the stuff we get? It’s great to be loved.”

GMM 706: R "If I've learned anything, if you squeeze anything hard enough, you get some milk out of it." (submitted by Millie the Magical Mangatyde) "I feel violated." "That's a good way to describe you." 

L "The world really opens up if donkey milk tastes good." "I feel so bad for babies right now." "When was the last time you saw a camel hang out with a cow?" "I'm more of a donkey man." 

GMM 707: R “Dogs be turning into humans, man!”

L “You thought Eddie farted for this game? I don’t want to show that video!”

GMMore: R “Any time I want to put things in perspective, I watch tortoise mating videos.” “Always regret it, never forget it.”

R “We sat there for four hours waiting for that elephant to crap.” L “That was our taste of nature photography, and I shouldn’t have used the word, ‘taste.’”

GMM 708: R “Get ready to pupate! Are y’all ready to pupate?” “This one involves a cow, a liver, feces, snails, grass, ants, and darkness.” “Everybody get ready to pupate cause we’re doing the ‘birds get ready to eat me’ dance!”

L “Sounds like my senior prom night.” “I’m doing the ‘birds please eat me’ dance!”

GMMore: R “Cats are such good hosts.” “Because this can also infect humans, there are some people theorizing at this point that this may be what makes a crazy cat lady. Someone who likes the smell of cat urine.” “Nature can be a dark place. Watch your back. Stay inside.” “Y’all get ready to pupate!”

L “Snails got a raw deal. They’re always like the middle man in some, like, backwards parasitic relationship.” “Snails need their own lobbyist.”

GMM 709: L “Look, it’s Randalf the Gray! You shall pass…physics!”

R “Have you seen my cloud swing? Hold on, let me download it. Oh, it’s syncing! There it is.” “You shall comment and like!”

R “The idea of leaving my kids somewhere for four weeks in the middle of summer? That’s [an] amazing idea!” L “That is a parent’s stunt.”

GMMore: L “I learned LogicPro when we switched over from GarageBand.” “If my memory serves me, correct me.” (put that on a t-shirt). “I didn’t go to the pool as a kid. That wasn’t my thing. I wasn’t a pool person.” Oh heck, yes, I miss(ed?) my mom. I wanna (gonna?) own that all day.”

R “There’s so many years that we could’ve just camped together and it never happened. I regret that.” “I didn’t poop for five days.” 

GMM 710: R “Who cleaned up your son’s vomit? Me! I am essentially fathering your children!” “With the Egg Rollie, you can be the fun dad with cylindrical eggs!”

L “It’s like a timelapse of an eggplant growing.” “I did not anticipate the force with which one could be hit with a sub sandwich.”

R “I tell you what it reminds me of,” L “What?” R “but I don’t wanna say!” L “Egg! An egg tower! It’s like a timelapse of an egg tower growing in the forest.” R “No. It’s like you when you got back home from Camp Caraway.”

GMMore: L “‘Stinky Linky!’ That’s what my Aunt Viki used to call me.” “I’m the Mythical Boss all of a sudden. This is great!” “I’m just not appetized by what I’ve been watching.”

R “I’m also the Mythical Boss, apparantly. ‘Rhett McLaughlin’s Mythical Monster Truck Spit Bucket.’ That is awesome!”

L “Is it real hot?” R “Is it hot?”

GMM 711: L “It’s like an accordion of fives!” R “Somebody hook some sort of battery up to that situation!”

R “I touched stranger hair with my nose!” Mamrie “You didn’t taste it, did you?” R “No!” L “The sad thing is, I thought this was appetizing! Like, I’m like, ‘Hm, it’s something cooked!’” R “Y’all think this smells bad? Smells like something been in a crockpot to me!” L “It’s like a roast!” Mamrie “It’s burnt, but I don’t hate it.”

GMM 712: L “Kids love gross-out stuff.”

GMM 713: R “Yes, I would like to be suggested.” “I don’t know, we don’t know anything.”

L “We just met, Rhett. Met we just Rhett.” “Solid and rigid and powerful.” “Moving and spinning and turning.” “Well note to self: Don’t do the Bionic arm thingy on anybody ever. You could be arrested for that.”

GMMore: L “Lots of rigid strong arm holding happenings in that episode.” “I don’t know ‘After Effects,’ never have, but let’s say I need to learn that because the qualified personnel who worked with us on our team, who are masters, decide to do, well let’s just say that they take a short vacation…” “If you have to come to somebody’s house to sell something, I know I’m stepping on toes here, then there’s something suspicious about the product.” “When no one wants to go out and get it, there’s something suspicious about it.” “...as a general rule, your suspicion is to be raised when people have to come to you and sell you into buying something.” “(about Howie Mandel->) “We met him in person, he fistbumped us. He would not shake hands.”

R “...decide to quit.” “You don’t want to suggest to Google.” “I bought 17 vacuum cleaners that way.” “What if what we did on today’s episode was successful and we are both now permanently hypnotized?” “Hypnotisms happen.” (put that on a t-shirt)

GMM 714: R “It has been said that those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. This is why, despite my better judgement, I keep going back to the Sizzler.” “Don’t take shortcuts, you might end up eating people.”

R “But, you know, I always say, better eat a friend than a brother.” L “I’ve never heard you say that.”

R “This brings us to the question of, if we were stranded and I died, would you eat me” L “Yes.” R “‘cause I’m not rela- okay, good. What part?” L “Yes, that’s easy. Did you think that was going to be difficult?” R “What would you start with?” L “What part? Now, that’s difficult. I don’t know what part, but I do know that I would face you the other direction so you wouldn’t be looking at me. Like, I’m not going to eat your face.” R “You could just cut my head off and it depersonalizes me and then you can play soccer with my head! I don’t care!”

L “Put your videos on laserdisc! Ain’t nobody gonna tape over that!”

GMMore: L “I wasn’t intimidated by the guy. I mean, Christy and the door were in between me and him!”

GMM 715: L “You can’t have too much fried chicken.” R “Be the hero! Bring fried chicken!”

L “Do you know a bad word that starts with ‘z’?” R “No, I don’t know about that one.” L “Oh, we should make it up. Zork! Zork is a really bad word.”

GMMore: L “Good work, Rhett. You’re a good taster, man. You’re a master taster."

GMM 716: R “Thank you to the 12 people who just died.” “Every 6 seconds, Rhett gets another question right.”

GMMore: L “I call it NASA, that’s actually the correct pronunciation. NASA. It’s a long ‘a’ and then, an ‘ah’ sound.”

R “First time I’ve heard that: ‘I’ll be Jesus.’ Sure.’” “Buzzer Burger. Hey, man. I’ll take a number 3 combo Buzzer Burger with a side of leaves.” “Those Russian kids, man. We gotta get one of those.”

GMM 717: R “That could be us, man. We could be post-humans delivering mail, like, shooting it out of our mouth, however you want it to happen!” “Join us! We’re making the future now! I just came up with that.”

L “Aunt Viki has a fake knee.” R “Yeah, she’s a cyborg!” L “Well.” R “Aunt Viki is post-human, man!” L “She’s an awesome woman.”

L “Volcano boarding is real. Put that on a t-shirt!”

GMMore: R "You gotta create another rectum.”

R “Well, I have always talked about having a hand that dispenses sauces. Five different sauces.” L “The fact is, it’s true. And the other hand is nuggets pop out of the palm, right?” R “Yeah, one hand is a nugget dispenser and then you’ve got sweet and sour, barbecue, buffalo, honey mustard and ranch.”

R “He’s got the blue cheese pinky. He got the blue cheese upgrade.”

GMM 718: R “And I never understood this whole principal ‘cause I’m too tall for the military. Don’t you want the big people in the military? Don’t you want the big people to come out over the hill?!”

L “R.I.P. VIP Christopher Lee. If it’s not too late, we can still put that on a t-shirt.”

GMMore: L “Welcome to what did you just do to the mic?” “We might have been spied up, ya know, if we had been together, be like, ‘spy duo Rhett & Link. I gotta hire them!’”

L “I made the CIA pay for my waffle, man!” R “Oh, man. I should have done that!”

GMM 719: R "Every year, I dress up like Santa and I give out beans and franks cookies." “It’s the bite that keeps biting back.” “Man, it’s like I’m on a rollercoaster & all I do is bite something.” (in a scottish accent) “I’m going to rule you all.” “I will be your king.” “Do you want to be a McNeal or a MacNeal?” "They'll take our lands." "Oh, yes. Scottish Christmas." “Brother Link breaks out the frank & beans cookies...”

L “Flaming hot wrongness is what’s happening.” "Soggy never hurt nobody." “It’s kind of Christmasy!” "Take me to Scottish Christmas."

GMMore: L “Anybody else wanna get a puckerface? Pu-pu-pu-puckerface. Pu-pu-puckerface.”

GMM 720: L “Speaking like Yoda. Ask a lot. This question has been.” “I like to play, ‘who burped?’” “Let’s just go with shorts always, dude!”

R “Speedo today, shorts tomorrow.” “Well, chunky soup will put you to sleep, brother.” “We thought, why let everybody ship us. why don’t we just ship ourselves.”

GMMore: R “You know what, lumos-pumpkin-13, you know what you get the treat of? I’m gonna play my guitar with your face, like a big pick.” “That’s what you have to do in order to work here.” (singing->) “My buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he goes, my buddy, my buddy, my buddy and me.”

L “They didn’t make you watch all our videos before you started working here?” “That’s a cool t-shirt if you’re into 80s references. ‘I go diagonal.’ and then it’s an Etch A Sketch?” “‘I go diagonal’ and then it says it on an Etch A Sketch.” “I had Kid Sister.” “A swallowable doll is a genius thing cause that way if you don’t want your friends to play with it, you just swallow it. It’s like, ‘you can’t play with that one, that one’s special.’” “You know how when you have to crap stuff out and the doctor’s like, ‘you need to bring that in.’” “That kid’s got diaper rage. AH!”

GMM 721: L “It’s Joyce, right?” Nancy “No, Nancy.” L “Hi, Nancy! Good to meet you!”

L “I wouldn’t live in there.” Stephen “In that house? He will eat you alive.”

GMMore: R “I think that based on that, what happened there, Link, I think we’re gonna see turtlenecks and velvet jackets pop up on business cards and real estate agents all around the country!” L “We’re trendbusters.” R “Trendbusters. If there’s something that’s going well, we better make sure it stops. If anybody’s doing it, we’re gonna end that trend real fast!”  

L “But, we’ll never forget you, Stephen. We will never forget you. We’ll think of you often.” R “If you end up projecting your face on the side of houses, we get a cut of that.” L “Yeah, we’d be very upset to hear that you would do that without us.” R “Could you imagine that? We’ll see him on the news. He’ll be on the front of the real estate magazine: ‘Stephen Biskup. Now projecting his face of the side of houses.’ [It’ll] be like, ‘What? That’s our idea!’” L “Oh, we’ll track him down if that happens.” R “Don’t do it, Stephen.”

GMM 722: L “Kick the bucket in an unusual way. That’ll give us something to talk about today.” R “Is that a command?”

GMM 723: Both “This is a game!”

R “You know how sometime when a fly gets trapped in your house, and then it starts getting fatter and slower? What is up with that?!” “They just invite you to come up and slap them…” “I get them with chopsticks. Mr. Miyagi, thank you.” “Double whammy, cold’s bad for grammy!” “‘Bind as a bat’ is a euphemism that is wrong based on wrongness.” “It’s been shown that women who are going through menopause cannot taste bitterness. I’m sure there’s a bitterness and menopause joke in there somewhere, but I’m not gonna touch it. I’m not gonna say anything about that. You can imagine what that joke would be.”

L “...I love carrots, but I don’t like to look like I’ve been spray-tanned.”

L “See when I start going against everything that I actually think, it works!” R “Do the opposite of what you think and life will be so much simpler!”

GMMore: R “How ‘bout this, Link. ‘The Great Wall of China is visible from space.’” L “I’ve heard this and I’ve assumed that it’s true because they always say there’s only two manmade things you can see from space. One is the Great Wall of China and the other one is killer punch line that I haven’t come up with yet!” R “We’re great on this show at giving you the structure to make your own great jokes!”

L “If I keep this little part of Russia that I snipped off, I can probably wrap it around something later! Maybe around the iron core of the earth when I get that out! Wrap a little bit of Russia around it.” R “That is a great idea! We should start a GoFundMe campaign, or at least a Kickstarter. We want to wrap the extra part of Russia that didn’t make it around Pluto around the center of the earth!”

R “And Putin is on board! That’s our slogan!” L “Putin on board. Put that on any car you’re in, too.” R “Putin on board. Wow! That’s the best idea we’ve had in months!” L “Sadly, yes.”

R “When was the last time you ate a apple and you were like, ‘man! that was a good apple!’? Doesn’t happen.”

R “That’s a better Kickstarter. We would like to MRI a polar bear. Putin is on board!”

 

GMM 724: L “Believe the Dachshund.”

GMMore: L “I’d wanna watch you be abducted as I was pulling away in my lumberjack truck.” R “We need a guy with a GoPro to get abducted.”

R “If we come in contact with aliens, we’re gonna know it! ‘District 9,’ ‘Independence Day,’ that kind of situation. Get ready for it, guys!” “Stephen Hawking says we shouldn’t want them to come ‘cause Stephen Hawking says that it’s unwise to think they would be friendly. I don’t really care. I think it’d be cool. Even if they were crazy mean and we have to fight an epic battle against them, it’s still gonna be awesome.”

R “What would it take for you to believe?” L “I’d have to be probed.”

 

GMM 725: L “Wow. That evoked a lot of emotions and I’m gonna ignore all of ‘em.” “I’m connected to you via what you’re eating, which is disturbing!”

R “If you’re gonna go savory, don’t go halfway to savory town, go all the way and be the mayor!” L “You’re the president of savory city.” R “Well, the mayor is what I was thinking.”

R “I will be wearing my clean three-piece carpet suit to all formal events for the remainder of 2015, so look for me there, at all your proms that have already happened.”

GMMore: L “Rhett & Link bookends and you separate us with knowledge, the knowledge from books.” R “What does that represent?” L “It represents-“ R “The knowledge in between us.” L “The more books we read, the further apart we grow, Rhett.” R “Okay, that’s what it means!” L “Which is why I never read!” R “And that’s why you shouldn’t read, kids!”

L “Don’t play with fire, adults!”

R “How not to Sterno with Rhett & Link!”

L “This is a new that we’ve invented called-“ R “Hey, look, I got a meatball!”

GMM 726: L “Now, we’re no strangers to eating meat products. We are meat lovers…” “My mom owned seven donkeys.”

R “Man, turkey is confusing sometimes.” “You donkey lipped a sandwich? ‘Hold on. Let me donkey lip this.’” “I don’t hang out with donkeys.” “Don’t donkey lip on a first date.” “‘Mushy Bun.’ That’s my favorite kind of music. Have you heard ‘Mushy Bun’? Ah, it’s so good.”

GMMore: L “We got to rejuvenate. When we come back, we’re gonna be like glowing. It’ll be like we’re pregnant.” R “Oh, we’re gonna be so tan.” L “And pregnant. I plan on being, pregnatizing myself. I gotta do some research. It’s gonna take like three weeks to figure it out. I’ll need that glow. I need that pregnancy glow.”

R “Blend it friend it. Blend it and make it splendid.”

L “I’m sproud of myself.”

GMM 727: R “Say no to cavity searches, say yes to flight!” “If you believe in freedom, you believe in flight.”

R “Freedom. Flight. Forever. Farmers Only dot com! Not a sponsor.” L “Wow. I’m glad I’m not you.”

L “Why, how and when did Harry Potter find the sorcerer’s stone? He found it from the invisibility cloak, man! The one ring, what power did it give Frodo? Invisibility. Casper the Friendly Ghost is so friendly. Why? Because he’s invisible! My best friend in Kindergarten, invisible! These are the people that I want to hang out with! These  are the heroes I want to emulate!” Eddie “Mr. Link. Please, calm down.” L “Oh, I’m fine.”

L “I don’t have the power of pronunciation.”

R “I can put fanny packs all up and down my legs.” “The Fanny Flyer.” “Whenever I feel down, I’m just gonna go up, up, up, and away into the sky…” “Flight is right tonight!”

 

GMM 728: R “We’ve got to avoid the microphone ears!”

R “Where’s are dee blankets?” L “Where zee meelk cahns?”

L “If you’ve ever escaped from prison, in any form, send us a postcard! We wanna be the repository for prison escapee postcard-ists.” “Please pretend pies push people past pretend places.”

GMMore: L “Penelope praises Paul particularly passionately pretty-” R “We may have found Link’s gift!” L “past-” R “Maybe not.” L “pookie.”

R “I ran seven miles this weekend because of the books that I was listening to.”

 

GMM 729: R “Feel all over it.” “I think it’s a Christmas ornament.”

L “It smells like if a teddy bear soiled itself.”

Bill “Who comes up with these things?”

Bill “But I lost my dignity, that’s the problem.” L “We lost ours years ago.” Bill “Bound to happen sooner or later.”

R “Do Link!” Bill “Do what I say! You do what I say, I am from North Carolina!” R “Yeah. Thanks for explaining my world to everybody.” Bill “Do what I say, stretch!”

GMMore: Bill “I know you guys don’t do your show in the same room. People at home don’t know about that. You are in North Carolina and you are in prison!” “Link’s like, all girls wear pants!”

 

GMM 730: L “...this one is the mailbox of the future. I am calling it ‘The Robobox’ and it’s got a little remote because in the future, you ain’t got to go to your mailbox to get your mail. Your mailbox comes to you, man!” “That’s what happens in the future. You gotta go back to the cassettes.”

R “Sometimes I need my battery charged.” “You’re a genius, Link!”

GMMore: L “You’re so dangerous!” R “I’ve never broken anything, man. I don’t break things. That’s not my deal.”

R “I’m Indiana Jones! North Carolina McLaughlin, that’s what [I] should have been!” “Think about all the things we can grab though!”

L “Step 1: get a whip. Step 2: whip it out!”

 

GMM 731: R “I’m very worried with what’s happening with your body right now.” “It’s pretty difficult being next to a man behaving this way and not begin to vomit.” “This is so unscientific.” “The idea behind that one is that the peppermint or the menthol flavor will cancel out the burning sensation of the capsaicin from the pepper. There’s an asterisk next to that. It says, ‘Eddie made this up.’”

L “I seriously love peanut butter so much that I’m finding emotional comfort in eating it. Like, you’re coming through for me again, lady.” R “Why is it a lady?” L “‘Cause she treats me right.”

R “The sound you make when you vomit. It’s so guttural, man!” L “Yeah, that’s where it comes from.”

L “So if you eat a hot pepper, don’t go brush your teeth.”

R “‘Dance out of frame.’ Oh, what a great way to end the season!” L “Oh, this is poetic!”

GMMore: L “That’s called bonding.” “I am so sorry, Lizzie. Ew, that is so gross. I’ve never blown my nose on anybody.” Lizzie “I think I have. It’s fine.”

R “You’re like a bear Yellowstone, man.” “Smokeless the bear. Smokish.”

L “We’ll be back, guys. Don’t forget about us.” (Eddie burps)

SEASON EIGHT

GMM 732: R “Link, the cat eats the rabbit. Put that in a children’s book! The cat eats the rabbit, kids. Makes the world go round. Circle of life.” “Y’all got some al-gee wafers? I like it with whole milk! Right after I get through with my Grape Nuts, I move right on to my al-gee wafers. Part of a complete breakfast. Al-gee wafers.” “I could be a bird. That’s what I’ve learned. I like birds.”

L “I got a big ol’ meatball in my mouth. Chef Boyardee come to town.” “Again, if it was warmed up and came out of a can at my grandma’s house, I might be game. But, as-is, man, this is like a bad, bad Beanie Weenie.”

L “Now that I’m starting to develop theories, I’m starting to gag.” R “I’m developing theories, and that always makes me queasy.”

GMMore: L “Here’s to season 8, guys! We’re still doing this! We’re not letting up for nothing!”

R “Okay. I’m done eating. Forever!”

GMM 733: R “It’s called the exo-underwear-skeleton.” “Oh wow, it’s like a cat got out of a dumpster.” “Are you a hermit that watches ‘Good Mythical Morning’?” “She’s such a gossip. I hate her.”

L “A massage from Chase is not under the ‘best’ category.” “If so, leave a hand signal down below!”

GMMore: L “When in doubt, get out.” “Do I have to spell out how weird it can get?” “The swell was huge and my sessions were enduring.”

R “You gotta go all the way to ‘I hate her.” “He made us a freakin ‘Good Mythical Morning’ skateboard.” “If that’s not mythical, I don’t know what is.” “You never heard of the Whisper 2000?!?” “He cried one cashew.” “Once you break the 12 second barrier, I’m gonna start prying your hands off of me.”

Stevie “I feel like you two could talk like that for hours!”

GMM 734: R “That’s where he keeps his pocketknife, in his pocket ‘cause he’s from South Carolina and they do things right down there.” “Sampson Parker, man.” “Even better ‘cause there was a combine, it was in South Carolina, there was a fire. That’s way better than James Franco in a canyon in Utah!”

L “This is like a stupid circus act!”

GMMore: L “Ain’t no tonsils in there, ain’t no boulders in the back!” “Why we gotta cut? That’s the best part!”

 

GMM 735: L “That one smells like hurt!”

R “I’m not weak, I’m?” L “I’m strong!” R “And if I’m strong, I have a lot of?” L “Scent!”

R “Santa Monica?” L “Yacht club.”

L “Sure will be nice when they make this road four lanes.”

GMMore: R “Washington, D.C. What are the chances.” (singing) “I believe in luck.” “I hate witches, man. I hate ‘em. Especially when I’m playing with them at horseshoes.” “I like the smell of leather.”

L “Kiss the luck. Slurping up all the luck!” R “Why don’t you just stick to blowing darts?”

R “Witches are great at horseshoes, the game. Every time I play with a witch, she has-” L “Decimated you! It’s as if she had a spell on it.”

GMM 736: L “For years, maybe my entire life, my dream has been to eat cereal while bathing in cereal.” “I love it!” “I’m so happy right now!”

R “Don’t play footsie with me in a cereal bathtub.”

GMMore: R “...when five hundred pounds of cereal are dumped on you in a rapid fashion, you think you might die.” “Who would have thought, but horses eat cereal waste. Makes me look at a horse different now.” “How many people get to say they took a $7500 bath. That’s like a Wesley Snipes kinda thing.”

L “Roll out of bed and roll right, my face right into a cereal bowl.”

GMM 737: L “How do you misplace a hundred brains?” R “I don’t know. It’s a big university, man! Austin! It’s big. Everything’s big in Texas! The labs are so big, you can’t keep up with the brains!”

R “...the world’s becoming a better place because of ‘Good Mythical Morning.’”

L “Don’t steal, people but if you do, give it back.” R “Don’t steal people? Or don’t steal, comma, people?” L “Both! Either!”

 

GMM 738: L “Once you get married, you can reset as much as you want. It’s the same old tune? That’s sad.”

L “Oh, goodness, Rhett! It’s so adorable!” R “My hand?” L “Can I touch it?” R “Well, that’s a- sure.” L “Oh my goodness! Mm, he’s breathing on me! Nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee-nee! I just eskimo kissed-” R “My hand.” L “What?” R “That’s my hand.” L “Ugh.” R “You can’t feel the claminess?” L “You should probably shave it.”

GMM 739: L “Whenever I go across some bridges, they click. Click, click, click, click, click.” “I’ve never been rubbed by an Easter Bunny that I’m gonna admit to.”

GMMore: L “You said a bad word!” (hits Rhett w/ an electric fly swatter) “I love those southern lawyer movies.”

R “‘Sweaty Southern Lawyers.’ That’s the name of the movie.”

GMM 740: R “We had a weird relationship back then. We communicated through Maurice.”

L “This is not about us, it’s about you. Wait your turn!” “It’s a thong-gone flip flop. Get yours today!”

GMMore: L “Lurk it up!” “If I’ve learned anything that’s applicable, it’s just add ‘sickle’ on end of anything, like ‘you dumb fartsickle!’” “Alright, you second-hand spore puffs, get the heck out of here!”

GMM 741: R "I'ma so excited!" 

L "It dances around and it dodges your teeth when you try to chew it, like it's alive." 

R “If you go to a party and you end up dancing with jello, it probably wasn't a good party.” “I’m just going, just, straight ball.”

GMM 742: R “Keep licking your garbage cans, kids! Is that the application? That probably shouldn’t give any application.” L “And stop leaving your lollipops in my bathroom!” R “Who takes baths, anyway? I can’t fit in a bathtub.”

L “How are lemons made? Lemons aren’t laid like eggs, are they?” “Waiters crap lemons.”

R “So don’t make your bed, kids!” L “It’s not moist in my bed.” R “Next time your mom asks you to make your bed, say ‘mom, I don’t wanna die from bacteria!’”

 

GMM 743: R “Link, what is your opinion on lizards?” L “I respect lizards, but I do not touch them.”

R “I’m totally on board with the track suit.”

R “We’re just part of the system now, Link, and we don’t even know it. I’m a lizard.” L “Person.” R “Hybrid.” L “Are you?” R “I’m very tall.”

GMMore: R “Hold on. You wash between your shoulder blades?” L “Yeah, it’s really dirty in there.” R “I just let the water from the shower sandblast that part.” L “Is there sand in your shower?” R “No, but I mean, how dirty can between my shoulder blades get?” L “Well let me look. I’ll tell ya.” R “Unless I was some sort of athlete who grabbed things with my shoulder blades, but I’m not.”

R “Dogsponge.com. Probably exists." 

L “I have a weak gluteus minimus, but you already knew that.”

R "The sides of your butt are weak? How did that happen?" L "I never use those! I don't know why! I shouldn't have to be defensive." 

L “I came as close as you would come to saying, cause he sat down right next to me on the thing right next to me, he was as far from me to you right now, and I almost turned to him, I was like, ‘Newman.’” “Just be concerned for me for once.” “Therapy is the one thing I have that is not your thing, Rhett. Now, you want a part of my thing. Therapy’s my thing now. Of all types, I’m not ashamed of it.”

GMM 744: L “I’m obsessed with cereal, 16th century flautists, and of course, peanut butter.” “Just imagine yourself in a peanut field. Close your eyes.”

R “16 16th century flautists.” "He went to Paris and London, we would have never known that without peanut butter!" "I think you might be bleeding peanut butter." 

GMMore: L "The fun never ends with peanut butter. Put that on a t-shirt.... and Bill Newman." "I've never cleaned my glasses or my tongue cause I've never had peanut butter on them before." "Your love is like smoke, Bill. I'm inhaling you right now." (singing->) "They don't make pants like they used to." "I could lip sync to that guy for days." 

R “That is the definition of Mythical.” "Can we work with a Canadian, is that legal?" "Is this what it feels like to have your haircut? It's heavy. Is your hair this heavy?"

GMM 745: R “I’m a savory man. I like savory things.” (presentation of the Ritz cracker & cheese disc/frisbee) “There’s a lot of crumbs and cheese bits in my bed growing up.”

GMM 746: R "We don’t have to make everything into hats.” “He’s my blow partner?” “We’re going to be double-layer bubble buddies.” “and Link, if you screw this up, I'm gonna paddle ya."

L “Actually, cleaning is a form of stress relieve for me. Gives me a sense of control, Rhett.”

GMMore: R “Can you make me explode, Morgan?” L “Can you make him explode?”

R “You can’t stand on the sun. There’s nothing to put your feet on.” “Oh gosh, that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.” “Anything you swallow will make its way out.” “Milk of Magnesium: Marble Edition.” “We’ve answered a lot of important questions today.”

L “Now, if I swallowed this, what would happen?” “How much money would I have pay for you to swallow it?”

GMM 747: L "There are plenty of fish in the sea and it turns out, a lot of those fish are on the internet." 

R "Bikers wanna do more than kiss, man." (submitted by Rachel (Sylvarasaurus)) "I'm into Bonsai." "I think plants and love really go together." "I am very happy and excited to announce the launch of the all new RhettandLink.com, designed using and powered by Squarespace!"

GMM 748: R "And I think that we've got a good shot at being prom king and queen, based on some of the video evidence I’ve seen."

L “Loungy and lazy Rhett and Link.”

GMMore: R “Earplugs at night. That’s the number one rule of camping.”

GMM 749: R “Sue and Charles made a Link. They manifested a bear-child known as Link.”

L “I’ve always said that the pinnacle of any romantic relationship is when your partner just says ‘ball’ a lot.”

GMMore L “You know you’re at a tough college where you lose your nose.” "Every time I need to pee now, I'm gonna think about an elk."

R “When you lose your nose, it makes wherever you are at at that point in life, a bad deal.”

GMM 750: R “Here’s a diamond answer for you, mythical beasts. Take it and use it, put it on a ring, put a ring on it.” “We called it ‘The Web’ back in 2002.” “I could take 25 minutes to get to the bathroom and then spend 25 minutes in the bathroom.” “It’s a tickle party, really.” “You’re a blubbering fiddle-burger.”

L “Hand diamonds.” “What I would do is called ‘rest up’ before a meeting, i.e. take a nap in your truck.” “Just bloop-bloop yourself whenever you get bored.” (Bored of being bored question) “I think Chunk needs counseling.”

GMMore: L “That’d be enough of a reason to kill ya.”

R “This is a woman who laid me like an egg.” “I want to go to the next slurpee pump cause that first slurpee pump attacked me.” “Here’s to Canada, here’s to Pam. Pamada.”

Jen “I got attacked by a slurpee machine.”

GMM 751: L “In college, I would eat a lot of prunes.” “It’s like the budget friendly apricot.”

R “You were like the prune king!” “I’m glad I didn’t know you as a baby.”

GMM 752: L “He should be doing yoga from a padded cell not from a barnyard set!”

R “Oh, no, dad!” L “Well, somebody’s gotta wipe the bean off!” Both “Oh, my goodness.” R “I don’t like a personified turd, though. That makes me feel sorry for it when it goes away.”

R “I don’t care about my life! I’m throwing cortion to the wind!”

 

GMM 753: R “'As a kid, were you the strongest, smartest, or quickest kid in the class and at around 16 years of age, maybe all three?' Keep in mind, I knew you as a child and at the age of 16.” L “Well, then you know the answer to this. No, no, no and a big, sad no! I was working nothing at age 16.” R “Okay, this is a bad sign. Maybe you’re not a vampire.”

R “Do appliances hate you?” L “That is a good question. I’ve been burnt by a toaster!”

L “I’m really good at doing things that I could do.”

GMM 754: R “Come over to my house, we’re just experiment buddies.” “I became something I don’t. I don’t a skeleton. I do a human. I mean, I am a human.” “Just let the monkey happen.” “You are Howdy Doody.”

L “I became a baby-sized face. I did not produce a Tony Braxton.” “It’s like flesh-mouth.” “Let me see if I can get a beard.”

GMMore: R “You spit right in my left eye.” L “Sorry, you should keep that thing closed when I’m that close to ya.”

L “We should just upload videos of us staring into a camera for 10 minutes and then you could play with us in a slumber party setting.” “Numbers are so crazy to me. I can’t guess stuff.” “..We have no immediate plans to do a live show.., so we’ll think about it.” “Gaming content. That’s something to think about for like a hot minute.” “I would like to go with a new hairstyle.” “I’d like to unleash the forehead.” “My forehead was revealed my entire life, it’s just that now you realize that my eyes are in the center in my head, not in the top of it.” “The Mythical Beasts have spoken. I’m okay with that.”

R “I think it’s good to know about other Mythical Beasts...” “I’m usually pretty popular with the moms, that’s surprising.” “You look so much different when you show your forehead.”

GMM 755: R “We’re not cultivating an occult.” “I almost laughed at my grandmother’s funeral.” “I have something I call ‘freeze face’, that I never laugh while making this face.”

L “So, who’s going to give us advice?”

GMMore: L “You can’t push the merch too hard.” “Why are we the bad guys all of a sudden, because you don’t remember something.” “I can smell talent.” “Two tall people mate and get a saint bernard?”

R “Really friendly people with curly hair. (laughs) They’re so playful.” “‘The St. Bernard People.’ It’s a reality show that lasts like 300 years and by the end of it, you’ve got just the weirdest people.”

GMM 756: R "Don't underestimate this tongue." "Has Flavor Flave ever been here?" "This is what all the smells in the world combined smell like, Link. This is it. We're smelling it for the first time! We're smelling smell!" "The Savory Boys." "You been tasting your kids' feet?" 

L "It's like bad gravy, which is a great name for a band." "It's like my kids' feet after they've been playing all day in a playground!" (submitted by Rachel (Sylvarasaurus)) "You look like a lunch lady." "Your hints are riddles!"

GMM 757: L “Stranger than fiction, better than television, y’all!”

R “Prisoners, they got all kinds of time. They play cards all the time. I like to picture ‘em playing Go Fish. Do you have any single white females? Oh, I do! And I recognize her!”

L “Get the dogs away! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get! Get away from the duct tape!” R “You seem like a murderer when you start doing that.”

GMM 758: R “Come hither, sleeved one. It’s a little dainty. The sweater and the object.”

L “Did jelly have to come out just cause you poked a jelly donut? Depends on where you poke the jelly donut if jelly comes out of said donut.” “The hat is just me expressing myself.”

GMMore: R “I hear somebody saying, ‘Dashel, Dashel, slow down, Dashel! Dashel, I’m gonna take the scooter! Dashel.”

GMM 759: R “Worms are lame!” “We’re going to die of heat stroke while trying to start a fire.” “‘Everything coming out alright?’ That’s the joke I like to say when somebody’s using the bathroom. I’ve done it for years.” “I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re gonna pee me right now.” “Get your pee hand off me.”

“This is what our life has become. We’re sitting out in a parking lot with a bag of our own urine holding it up like this trying to start a fire.”

GMMore: R “We saw the gates of hell.”

GMM 760: L “There’s no spot that glitter can’t got.” “Have you ever seen Wolverine? Well, he can eat my shorts!”

GMM 761: R “I agree that for the rest of this episode, whenever you say my name, which is Rhett, I’ll say, “Here! I like beans.”

GMM 762: R “With a grizzly bear, you’re supposed to play dead and it’s the only bear that you play dead with. If you run into a black bear, that’s when you make noise and get as big as possible.” L “Oh, black bear, big as possible, grizzly bear, play dead.”

L “‘Meese hate dust.’ That rings true to me.”

GMM 763: L “I don’t think we should be as afraid of the Galaxy Invader, we need to be afraid of the lunch lady! Don’t lay down next to a cliff when she’s around.”

GMMore: L “My family and I included got a brand new puppy! Mythical beasts, I’d like to introduce you, this is Jade.” “She’s melted my heart and peed on every rug in the house.” “I’m a dog person now!”

R “The McLaughlin’s made a decision that, 2016 we’re getting a dog.”

GMM 764: R's sound bath to L: “Link, don’t think, don’t stink, don’t wink, just… Link” At end of episode, “I like beans.”

L's sound bath to R: “Can’t nobody rain on your charade….You are Rhett, the unburnt, the mother of dragons, closed eyes, full hearts, can’t lose, eat lightning, crap thunder.” “You’ve got to go out into life and find your other T.” After the bath, “If you start your day bleeding from your eyesockets, it’s only uphill from there.”

GMM 765: R “Check your shoes for spiders, people!”

L “A masher, in their language, is someone who was like a sweet-talker. Someone who’s like, ‘hey, baby. You live in a cornfield because I’d like to stalk you!’ He’s a masher.” R “Oh, wow, Link. Save that one!” L “I don’t need it! I’m taken! I’m so sorry.” R “Because of lines like that, Link is now taken.” L “I never used that one, but you can have it for free. I didn’t even write it.”

Rabbit Lightning: “I’d to crush you under the weight of my love.”

 

GMM 766: R "No, it's NASA." L "I don't know a NASA."

GMM 767: R “Austrians don’t like bean bags.” “Get out of here, bruised bananas!”

R “Naked Canadians.” L “Wilderness. Knives. Seven days. Bonding!”

GMM 768: R “Don’t look at me, I’m just a coroner!” “I’ll pee on ya.” “So don’t hold your anger inside! Let it out! COME ON! ‘DO IT! JUST DO IT! Don’t let your dreams be dreams. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. JUST DO IT! MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! JUST, DO IT!’”

L “If I ever spontaneously combust, don’t just pat, douse,man. Douse me. with what, what, with any, everything, all things! At this point, I don’t think I would care. And I would also want to save my couch.”

GMMore: L “This is the best accent I’ve ever done.” “Here’s Link’s unified theory of human spontaneous combustion: It’s not a thing.” “It’s called ‘people burn’ theory.” “Let us know, bo.”

GMM 769: L “Flace fluids.” “Tip the dip and sniff, don’t snort.”

R “Batman is calling us through this flashlight, Link!” “I’m tipping the dip in the bowl.” “I’m going to die at his hand. We already all know this. He will kill me. He’ll be driving the car that we’re in. Whatever the situation is, it’s going to be his fault.”

GMMore: R “That’s how I learned how to live my life as a boy. Reading ‘Boys Life’ magazine.” “Thanks to all the mythical beasts watching from the Netherlands. Here’s three sneezes for you.” “You ever meet somebody that their resting expression was ‘about to sneeze’? And you realize after a while that, that’s just their face.”

L “There’s nothing more satisfying than going over the edge of a sneeze that you didn’t know was gonna happen.” “Failure is not an option. Success is not an option.”

GMM 770: L “You paid the price. Rhett, the haggler. But the question is, how to haggle people for lower prices.” R “Oh, I have no idea. I mean, I don’t know. I mean, don’t ask me! You know me! I pay the price in the window!” L “Rhett pays the price!”

GMM 771: L “...the onion is just, it's attacking my soul!" "When in doubt, whip chocolate out.” “I got a pickle in the middle of my burger that is covered in chocolate." 

GMM 772: R “Link, I hate to break it to you, but you’re probably going to die. And by probably, I mean, you’re definitely going to die.” L “Well, you’ll probably be right there with me, so.” R “Probably.”

L “Bob Hope, always funny. All the way to the end!”

R “People die of pneumonia, people.”

L “If you have to say the thing you did right before you die, you didn’t do a good enough [job] to be remembered for it.” R “Oh, I’m gonna say, ‘Good Mythical Morning’ right before I die just in case you forgot.” L “I’m gonna say ‘dictionary’, like, I’m going on record. I am going to say ‘dictionary’ when I die because of this.”

GMMore: R “I think my last words are gonna be ‘blaagghh.’”

 

GMM 773: L “I have experienced superhuman strength.”

L “Behind the wheel, lots of times, as I’m driving in traffic around here, I almost rear-end people pretty frequently,” R “I can attest to this!” L “and I have to slam on brakes and dodge, you know.” R “All the freaking time.” L “So you slam on brakes but then you’re so close, you’re going so fast that you also have to swerve in order to miss ‘em and everytime that happens, I experience a rush of superhuman arm steering strength! I’m not exaggerating when I say that from the elbow down, there’s a tingling sensation. I have super grip on the wheel.” “I have super steering ability.” R “Okay. I’ll give you that.” “I’ve only rear-ended somebody once and I’ve almost rear-ended about forty people.” R “Totally true!”

R “I’ve never been in the service business and I’m beginning to know why. ‘Cause I don’t like vests.”

GMMore: R “You learn something new everyday, don’t ya?” L “Well, I’m gonna take a nap, if that’s the case ‘cause I’ve just learned it.” R “Oh! Good!”

 

GMM 774: L “In fact, take Steve Chen, co-founder of YouTube. Back in 2005, he questioned the future of YouTube by saying, ‘there’s just not that many videos I wanna watch.’ Clearly, he did not understand the power of Family Feud bloopers, Russian dash cam footage, and ‘Good Mythical Morning’!”

R “Every time I’m in a plane, I’m like, ‘this is impossible! Think about it! This has gotta be magic!’”

L “Food capsules make large warrior women.”

L “What happened, Joe Christmas? You got, like, your walking stick up your butt or something?” R “What?” L “You know how explorers’ll, like, get their walking stick up their butt by accident.” R “Yeah, that happens to me every time I go to the Grand Canyon.” L “Listen, whenever I would be in a bad mood, my mom would say, ‘What? You got a corncob stuck up your butt?’ That’s where I’m, that’s where I was going with that.” R “Here’s to you, Joe Christmas, and a walking stick up your butt!”

 

GMM 775: L “And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he’s like, he looks up at him and he’s like, ‘I am a Navy Seal. I will kill you with my bare hands,’ and part of me was like, ‘this is so weird, I gotta paddle out of here,’ but the other part of me was like, ‘that’s the most amazing thing I’ve heard anybody say in person!’” R “How does this answer Darragh’s question, ‘how do you relax with a hectic schedule?’” L “Don’t go surfing!”

GMMore: L “Short-necked, diaper-wearing giraffe gang, that’s what we are! We’re slaying illegal substances for giraffes like heartworm medication.”

L “So, it’s worth it to take the Ear Biscuits break, I feel like.” R “Mhm-hmm.” L “An infusion of creativity on a narrative front.”

GMM 776: R "Points for authenticity. Olivia Newton John's nipple was out the whole time." "At any moment, I may throw up a liter of vinegar onto you." 

L (singing) "Nothing left for me to do, except shave your armpit."

GMMore: R "The vinegar is melting your nipple position." "They're backing me off of TUMS." 

L "I will confess that we would not be here if we had not cheated in a contest." 

GMM 777: R “If you had to choose between a ninja and a pirate to be your best friend, would you choose the sweaty guy with this weird sort of British accent who’s always intoxicated and trying to steal your stuff or would you choose the totally cool guy who’s always dressed in black, keeps to himself and can silently kill anyone who’s giving you trouble?”

L “Upgrade your tech, ninjas!” “Blackbeard would coil smoking fuses into his beard just for the effect of it. That’s just fun, y’all!” “Your mouth is open wide for the pirate booty.”

R “Ninjas don’t have parents!”

GMMore: R “I’m like Batman!” “I’m gonna make so many ducks!” 

GMM 778: L "Question: how do you eat a fart?" "My ex step-father was a plumber and he had a back hoe that he dug ditches with and one time I rode in the bucket and it was amazing." "He was a nice step-father." 

GMM 779: R “You wanna have a good time?” L “Buy an electric toothbrush.”

R “My hand smells like Brittany.” L “That’s the best thing going for you right now.”

GMMore: L “Smells like the bathroom at my uncle’s house.” R “Your uncle does this?” L “Why you need febreze when you just got matches.”

R “What is your go-to pain reliever?” L “Time apart. Just kidding, man.”

R “If I needed coffee every single morning, you bet your butt I’d be scheduling that stuff. I’d schedule it’s delivery to my mouth.”

GMM 780: R “I miss North Carolina so much.” “Caged pumpkins can’t stand up to my deviance.” “So if you see a teen in a truck in your neighborhood, just say no to that teen.”

GMM 781: R “He doesn’t like the beard. He thinks I’m a threat.” L “I think it’s more than the beard. It’s the total package.” 

R “I can’t get a sea lion to kiss my face, but I can get a shark to kiss my foot.” “Ignore the trout! Trout are boring, we all know trout are boring, but merman are exciting!”

GMMore: R “Do you wash the inside of your ears with soap?” “Turns out the area that you cannot reach on your back is a trapezoid shape.”

L “Yeah. Of course I do. I have OCPD.”

GMM 782: R “I hate being shocked. I hate it. I hate it so much.”

GMMore: R “It’s amazing how quickly you’ve changed. You were like a cold-hearted animal hater-” L “Well, I’m all in.”

R “I just said 2016 is the year of the dog for me.” “I hate being shocked. I hate it!”

 

GMM 783: L “I always associated ambidexterity with just general awesomeness.”

R “You also, strangely, this blows my mind, you hold a microphone with your left hand!” L “Yes.”

R “It’s not for symmetry, it’s because you’re most comfortable-” L “So I can gesture with my right hand!”

R “What foot do you kick a ball with? Well I personally know and was there and witnessed this that the only two goals you’ve ever scored in your soccer career was with your?” L “Left foot.” R “Left foot.” L “I kick most of the time with my right foot, but I’ve only scored with my left foot.”

GMMore: L “I’ll high five people with either hand, like, there’s no stopping me.” R “Really?” L “Like, if you wanna high me, I can come at it from multiple angles.” R “You have been doing a lot of high-fiving lately, I’ve noticed, which I’m a little concerned about.”

R “Technically, I text with both thumbs.” L “But if you had to choose one?” R “I could not text with just my left. It’s definitely the subservient thumb. If you asked the left thumb to lead, who knows what I would text! Shh, boy!”

GMM 784: L "Proof is in the shoes." 

R "This is the place to go if you come back from the future, though. The Time Travel Institute forums. I mean, don't go to the press." 

GMMore: L (singing->) “What’s that sound coming from my belt loop? It’s my beeper. Beep, beep, beep, beep. What’s that sound coming from my pocket?”

R “If any one of these celebrities were to actually be the time traveler, it would be Nicolas Cage.” “I’ve always wanted to play a soldier in the Civil War. That’s my dream.”

GMM 785: L “I can ride with my baby. We be in the kitchen cookin pies with my baby.”

GMM 786: R “It tastes like I got to the bottom of a chicken bucket and somebody got fired...” “The brain is a muscle. The brain is the most important muscle, boys and girls.” “Look how slow he’s moving. You don’t want to eat a beetle that slowly. Like, you want to put him in there, crunch, crunch, crunch, swallow.” “You’re the man. This is the definition of mythicalness.”

L “It’s a brain stem on it!” R “Well, as you eat the lamb’s brain, you get to live parts of its life. So you could absorb some of its thoughts.”

L “Shay, I know we just met, but you’re about to watch me throw up.” “I’m sorry, Shay. I’m usually not this way. Actually I am. Always this way.” “This is like something you would dissect in the third year of medical school.” “Oh! You did it!”

L “It smells like a roast turkey. Mmm! Happy Thanksgiving, dad!” R “You want me to be the dad? I don’t understand what’s going on.” L “My dad always carved the turkey.” R “Go ahead, son. Eat it. It’s actually lamb’s brain. Come on son, do it for you dad. Make me proud. Eat that brain.”

L “It’s not prepared. It’s not, it’s food, for what?” R “It doesn’t have to get prepared. What do you want, me to give it a little speech? Hey beetle, you’re about to be eaten! Do you feel prepared? There ya go, I prepared it.”

R “Link, say, ‘I’m a trailblazer.’” L “I’m a trailblazer.” R “Say, ‘I’m a pioneer.’” L “I’m a pioneer!” R “I’m in the future times.” L “I’m in the future times.”

L “Crunch crunch swallow! Show ‘em who’s boss!” Both “Crunch crunch swallow! Show ‘em who’s boss!”

GMMore: R “But you ate a beetle. That’s a first on this show!” L “I’ve never eaten a live thing. Period.” Shay “Did you feel a little bad?” L “Yeah, really bad!” Shay “Yeah, I did, too.” L “For myself!”

R "The key to happiness is low expectations."

 

GMM 787: R “I’m popular with the older ladies.” “Go against instinct, Link. Follow that rule in life and you’ll be great.”

L “I mean, it costs 25 grand to kill a human being, but you gotta pay at least 30 grand for a lizard? What world are we living in?”

GMMore: L “Let the tigers tiger. Let’s put that on a t-shirt.”

 

GMM 788: R “I’m a stanky-planker.”

GMMore: R “Murder-O! Fun Family Fun.” "You have a lot of facial plasticity." "I'm like a blowfish with a broken valve."

R "You can't kill too many people in a home invasion." L "...unless that home is a commune."

 

GMM 789: R “She loves when I call her ‘Kale-face.’” “I don’t know what it is about those Germans, they make good knives.” “I call her ‘Kale-face’ and she calls me ‘Milk-feet.’”

L “My life is a pun.”

GMM 790: R “I was just in a scary situation being next to you…”

L …”because I made it all the way through the movie, and I seemed like a man even though I was shivering in my boots and I was peeing in my britches.” “...told ‘em nothing weird would happen.”

 

GMM 791: R “I can taste the reverse osmosis, Link!” “Too bad I don’t look more like a chicken. That would be helpful.”

L “It’s cursive, don’t you know cursive?”

GMMore: R “You never know what kind of ideas a seal can get after watching a show about witchcraft.” “Diarrhea can be cleaned up, but curses cannot be taken away.” “A hall is just a shaft sideways.”

GMM 792: L (about video games) “They’re basically books, but better.” “I’m taking issue with your pronunciation of ‘Bjork.’” “Flies can’t start stereos, but mosquitos can.”

R “I’m taking issue with this being a game and I’m saying that this is a Bjork music video.” “My soul looks like a squished pancake, a square-decorated pancake man? I hope so!”

GMMore: (lots of quotes)

L "My wee hands are now busted." "We are going to do our first ever 'Let's Play' because we didn't know about 'Muscle March' until right now." "I also made a choice to make this peanut butter peppermint lip balm my preparation for all 'Let's Play' videos." "Caution: applying this stuff might make you happier and hungrier." "My lips feel perfectly persed for 'Let's Play.'"(?) "Well, I've got one, so I'm not asking." "This is basically 'Temple Run' for scandal-eclat muscle men." "Her is awesome." "I like a woman in a space station." "Those glutes are waggling!"

R "Link's going strapless again." "Is a wedgie part of the deal?" "I like a woman with meat on her bones." "

 

GMM 793: R “He’s so hungy!” “Doggy Daycare by Terrare. They never come back.” “Oh, that’s a food baby if I’ve ever heard of one.” “Don’t eat the bunny, eat the bacon.”

L “...and it turns out there’s a bit of a debate as to who’s the ‘hungiest’ man ever.” “Dude ate a child.”

GMMore: L “It’s the fluffiest of fluffy parts!”

R “These bunnies are survivors, y’all!” “Hold on, bunny checking my email. Bunny sending an email.” “You call the right number, we’ll show up at your doorstep with these bunnies.”

GMM 794: R “So if you’ve got any balls you want people to think are moving, you just change colors real fast.” “Perceptual bias! We should start a band called that.”

L “Just flash em!”

GMMore: L “That’s like something you put on the side of a yacht if you’re a sad person.” R “Same boat, different destination?”

R “Wanna feel like a man?” L “So your lips smells like peanut butter peppermint and your beard smells like an aeromatic section of the woods.”

GMM 795: R “I was convinced I had a dessert stomach.” “A little bit of crunch and a lot of love from me.” “The Hookr, the new competitor to the Dipr.” "This is like me and you in a raft on the Atlantic, just stranded, and we have these hookrs and that' it."

GMM 796: Grace "Is that a thing? Guys like to name body parts?" L “Yeah, like, my arm’s name is Molly, the right one." R "Oh, what? Really?" L "Yeah, my left arm is named Heidi.” R "Why are both your arms women’s names?" L "'Cause I like to hang out with the ladies!" R “That’s literally the funniest thing you’ve ever said. You just peaked with that Molly-Heidi arm joke." L "Really?" R "And I was here for it!”

R "When I'm pumping gas I'm like "Mmm I'd like to drink some of that gas." But I know I shouldn't... and so I don't."

 

GMM 797: R “Your mom has a way with words.”

L (referring to velour track pants w/ the word “SUCCULENT” on the butt) “Do those exist? Because I’m in the market.”

 

GMM 798: R “I know none of you care, so I’m just doing it for this camera: SPORTS JOKE.” “Papa was a freemason.” “I’ve always wanted to call myself ‘Big Buck.’” “Who’s to say that there’s not something called a Build-a-Burger?”

L “MOZART.”

 

GMM 799: R "Peanut Butter flavored!" “What I discovered is that I just bleed and then heal.” "We're going to be pros by the time you start bleeding." “I thought you popped your finger. I thought we just learned that your hands are balloons.” "You gonna faint?"

L "So we're pleased to announce the 'Rhett & Link Blood Type Kit.'" "I've told this story of, no, of accidentally cutting my finger trying to open a barbie doll a few Christmas's ago and I fainted into my father-in-law's arms at the kitchen sink. Uh, I'm never going to live that down." "See? Look at you, you're the one doing the neck dance!" "Milk it like a teet." "I gotta give you my meat, you gotta give me my veggies." 

GMMore: R "Nothing ever actually works on this show and it did!" "I was hoping that you were going to be type B so that together we would be BO." "A-OOOO!" "Don't think about me licking." "I think if there's a Tom Selleck in this group, it's me..." "I think Leo would be a bad boyfriend." "She makes irrational decisions like cutting her hair really short. That's something that you would have done back in the day." "She puts out her own perfume, you've thought about that." "I'm a blood genius!""This is a moment in history and it's been captured!" "I discovered I'm a blood genius.""I'm going to put that on my LinkedIn profile: Blood Genius." "Send me a picture, Chase." 

L "A-OOOO!" "You lick your lips sometimes, it's weird." "I like to walk over fans while wearing dresses." "I like to think of myself as a Tom Selleck type." "I come from a long line of farmers." "She puts it out, she, like, emits it.""I've always thought of John Lennon as unforgiving." "Is Rhett going to go nuts?" "Come close to the Blood Genius." "I don't want to be advisor to the Blood Genius." "The Blood Genius has died."

GMM 800: L (singing) “People come from foreign lands just to stick it to the Stickerman.”

L "'Icesis Whitmore' asks that we find one quote from all 800 episodes." Both: "Good Mythical Morning!"

GMMore: R "Look at your name. This is to be the spelling of your name for the rest of history: 'L, i, n, g, c, k.' That is how you spell Link." L "'L, i, n, g, c, k. and Rhett, 'R, e, t.'"

R "Oh, you're 'Lick and Rhett' on this one." 

GMM 801: L "I'm not just a peanut butter lover, I'm an all butter lover!" "I can think of no better butter than butter butter." “Why are you having fun?”

R "Smells like Vegas." L "Smells like a curbside in Vegas." 

GMM 802: R “...there’s a couple ways to make room for more oysters. I mean, there’s a couple of orifices that I can think of.”

GMMore: L “I’m more of a sausage man.” “It’s for kids and sad people.” (referring to cheese pizza) - submitted by Nouran (The Dough Faced Dolphin)

R “I once ate 30 ears of corn, which is not really that big.” “I once ate 55 chicken wings.”

GMM 803: R "You mean it gets worse? It gets more yellow. Whoa, look at it. And then it becomes like yellow pudding."

GMM 804: L “How do you get a llama on a surfboard? You gotta make it want it.”

R “How else do you find out if a llama can surf? It’s got to want to first.”

GMM 805: Both: “That’s a sick flow.”

R “There is no finger.” “Always looking for a place to put a finger: Link Neal.”

 

GMM 806: R “Boom! Turkey Man!”

L “It’s like Oprah in here, except it’s goats.” (submitted by Nouran (The Dough Faced Dolphin))

 

GMM 807: L “I think they made turkloos, which is like igloos made out of frozen turkeys.”

R ”Helping fat male turkeys is the first known use of the turkey baster.”

L “Here’s another fun fact: I have a U.T.I right now.” R “I hope it’s not contagious.”

GMMore: L “Turkeys love freedom, just like us.” R (making fun of Link) “I don’t skip breakfast on Thanksgiving. Who do you think I am?”

 

GMM 808: R “I’m familiar with the anatomy of a turkey.” “You always kill the guy with the gloves. That’s a sign that he’s got other things that you need.”

(singing) R “We got a turkey in a trash can.” L “Turkey in a trash can.”

GMMore R “You gotta find the meat.” L “Eat the turkey butt.”

R “If you pull in the right place, the meat will reveal itself."

 

GMM 809: L “Tongue twisters aren’t broring.” R “Don’t criticize the size of a man’s cob.”

GMMore R “Pilgrims loveth the beardeth oil.”

 

GMM 810: R “It’s a Mythical Thanksgiving Connection.” L “I’m thankful for semi-colons, ‘cause they make commas look STUPID!”

GMMore: L "Smitty and Smutty. That's what we call ourselves when the cameras aren't rolling."

 

GMM 811: R “She doesn’t need a waffle iron, she just needs to go out back.” “She got a one waffle iron for every inch of crack she showed.”

L “Well, that would be Brown Friday.”

 

GMM 812: R “I follow Beyonce on Instagram and that was a good choice on my part.”

L “‘She went with him.’ This isn’t middle school, these are celebrities we’re talking about.”

 

GMM 813: R “And that’s when she learned, polar bears don’t like Coke, they like woman.” “It’s like the best kids book of all time: What Does Zing Dong Do?”

L “What does Zing Dong do?” “Zing Dong don’t do those things.” “When I’mina scale a fence, sometimes I feel like I need to get naked first just to make sure nothing gets snagged.”

GMMore: R “A gorilla could be my co-host for this show.” L “Screw you, man!”

R "Ethics class, with Rhett and Link.""I would die for you. If you were a gorilla, I would not die for you."