Rhett & Link Quotes from The RhettandLinKast Live, Good Morning Chia Lincoln, The Mythical Show, Ear Biscuits, & More!

Rhett & Link GMM Quotes 

*Due to a word limit issue on my original post, I have to separate the Talk Show Quotes into separate blogs, so this one is for Good Morning Chia Lincoln, The Mythical Show, Ear Biscuits, and if there's room, other video series and more.

THE RHETTANDLINKAST LIVE - (in order, not all listed yet & not all will be listed - some are too short or are music-only shows)

RhettandLink First Test 11/07/07

R "[Look at] how shiny my forehead is." L "Oily, man. Why are you so oily?" R "It's a sign of intelligence." L "Oily head is a sign of intelligence." 

Cornhole Song, Senators, Voice of Mashed Potatoes

L "We're trying to assert our comedic dominance on the internet live airwaves." "We each have a wife." 

R “I’m hungry because of the voice.” “You’re only going to like it if there’s something a little bit wrong with you.” "...I am so in tune with the present, that it's like the future is just a natural extension of my own brain; my frontal lobe." "I think we, ultimately, that we are a slave to creating things, that we can't stop and we have to do it." "If you think that she wants you to do it, the answer is 'yes'." "Link and I don't have day jobs. You are looking at our day job right now..."

Commenter "How did you marry a UNC-er?” R "Well, because love is blind, baby. I love my wife so passionately, that I'm able to overcome that she is from the enemy."

Rhett And Link- Show03

R “Part of character building as a child is getting crappy gifts.” “Blue is the underrepresented color of Christmas.” “I think I hit my own resonant frequency.” “I don’t wanna ruin my hair, that’s why I don’t put headphones on. This haircut is too important to put headphones over it.” “I was what they called, ‘the early adapter’.” “Well when you’re gonna crash a slumber party, I mean, you gotta go straight for the baked beans.” “We don’t make products that you use, we make the products that you use better.” 

L “We are gonna get festive on you!” “Don’t salt the chips, salt the salsa.” “You matter to us. We would not be here at this card table if it was not for you.”

Holiday Limbo Show with Impromtu Singing 

L “You are important.” “I know my mom loves me because my mom gives me peanut butter candy.” “How do you say love to Link? It’s spelled peanut butter.” “Because you can please all the people all the time, but it’ll kill you. That’s the premise that we operate on.” 

R "Set your expectations low..." L “It’s the ‘let’s relax show’...”

R “Under-promise and over-deliver.” L “Under-promise, over-deliver, underestimate the enemy.”

R “For now, the wives will remain a mystery.” “The McRib has had four Farewell tours at McDonald’s, but it keeps coming back.” "I am going to say 'hello' to Rebecca Grace." “I went to superdog island and all I got was this torn limb.” (->t-shirt) “...this RhettandLinKast has been brought to you by the letter ‘E’ and in the key of E.”

WalMart & Wild Animals in the Basement

R “We are committed to providing you with the most entertaining hour of internetainment of your entire week.” L "That's a bold statement." R “Well, I'm committed to it. I’m bold.”

R "It's a detached chinstrap. It's sort of a new thing for 2008...It'll be all over the local high schools within a week." “It’s a half beard. It's [the] lower regions, it's the nether regions of a beard.” “I think you could get me to eat cat vomit.” “Rabbit was my nickname in high school.”

L “I just love to watch gravy being poured over anything.” “My hands are salty...” “Allison, this has been a dream come true. I always wanted to host a cooking segment where a total idiot was sitting beside me and singing.” “Every woman wants her man to hand-make the chocolate.”

L “I’ve never made anything.” R “Yeah, this is a first for Link.” L “I’m married.”

Allison “...you of course washed your hands before we started this, right?” L“Yes.”

Wales Song, Movie Warnings, and Gregg

L “You know, that's the whole thing about the Earth and the Sun and time is that at any one point in time, it’s different points in time…” Rhett - “It’s wonderful.”

Commenter “Have you guys actually been to Wales?” L “Only in dreams.”

L “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” “We’re movie snobs, so we’re picky.” “Is this the Gregg? Is this the three G Gregg?” “I hate the phone.” “Business is based on relationships.” “...Gregg matters to us.” 

R “That movie, I might as well have stuck my face out the window onto pavement at 55 miles an hour for two hours.” “This was like sticking my hands into a pit of vipers...and having vipers kill me slowly for two and half hours…” “Lord of the Rings is best trilogy of all time. It’s better than Star Wars.” “Rebellion of the Dirty Sith.” “Gregg’s the man.”

Gregg “I just wanted you to see that I called so you know that I care.”

American Idol, Rapping, More

L “If the internet was a snowplow, then we would be, this show right here would be the blade. No, it wouldn’t be the blade. We would be on the blade.” “We would be on the blade of the snowplow pushing the snow, and you are with us on the blade!” “A vision statement is supposed to be chewed like cud if we were cows.” “If I keep talking, I’ll make a wig out of my mouth.” “Electrical tape fu man chu. That is the future of facial hair.” “Our fanbase is thoughtful.” “He’s mooning us with his face.” “Never wear a shirt that has a neck with a diameter bigger than the diameter of hair you have established with your razor around your neckline.” 

R (after American Idol song premiere) “That might be the peak of our career.”

R “We make love connections here on the RhettandLinKast Live.” “That’s what I’m here for. I’m here to temper him.” 

Use Planet of the Apes to Meet Women

R “I thought that the ladies would compare us to the ape men on the screen, and suddenly we would become very appealing.”

Alexis Cohen interview, +more!

L “I’m sorry for being so insensitive.” “You’re special. You mean something to us…” “We wanna take you there with us.” 

R “1 out of 5 famous people are nice.” “She’s a media darling.” “She’s a passionate woman.” 

R “You’ve been distracting me all night.” L “We’re friends.”

Office Hour- Semi-Pro Movie review

L “Lick some of that zinc and you won’t get my sickness. Link the zinc. Good name for a band.” “That’s the beauty of the internet is that we not only can be reasonably sure that you’re full of crap, but we can prove it.”

R “As a community, we can solve world problems...” “He is living the dream that we have always had and that is to have both a rap and a movie career and we have succeeded in neither so far, but he’s living the dream.” “...that was a good movie regardless of what critics and you think.”

Sickness, Confessions, President Possum

R “I think we’re co-workers.”

L “You had knee-to-knee contact which is a universal symbol in fourth grade for ‘hey, I want you to go with me because I’m never gonna get up the guts to ask you to be my girlfriend, but I can for sure put my knee under this desk against your knee under your desk.’” “We do not call each other and decide what we’re gonna wear.” “Our job is to make internet videos for you to watch, and if enough of you watch them, then people who wanna sell you stuff that we also like and agree to will buy ad space in some form or another in association with the stuff that we produce, and we sincerely hope that you’re okay with that because that’s the only way for us to continue to do what is our job and that is to engage, entertain, occasionally inform you.” “We’re people.” 

L “...because what we want our job to be is to be entertainers and to be comedians.” R “Right.” L “We wanna write funny songs, and we wanna perform it for you. We wanna go places and do things and have fun in such a way that when you watch it, you connect with us, you connect with people, and you have fun and you’re entertained!”

R “This is cutting edge. This whole live internet streaming.” L “We are on the cutting edge of the saw.”

R “...we will be there with you and Steven [Seagal] in the RV in 2016." Link - “And he's gonna say, 'You know who sent me? The Possum sent me. Don’t you forget it.'”

Valentines Prep, Cooking, iPod Song

L “Whether you love Valentine’s Day or hate it, we are here and we are preparing you for it.” “Things move without touching them.” “At my home, in the Lamont home [winks], every day is Valentine’s day. Ask my wife, she’ll tell ya.”

R “How does the voice of food get food poisoning?” “Our audience is really smart.” “Don’t be racist about your chocolate, people.” “Women have no sympathy for mules ‘cause they’re sterile.” “Tell them to wake up and smell the internet because the internet smells sweet, it smells good and it smells even better when it's live...”

L “For Easter, I’d get always get the white chocolate bunny.” R “Yeah, you were the weird kid.”

Office Hour- Gregg allergies and more

R “Our goal is to get to a point where we can provide you with an unending stream of entertainment that brightens your life and enables us to continue living and making that stream of entertainment.” “I’m tired of hearing myself talk about the technical issues...” “The best way to learn how to make videos is to make them and then to be honest with yourself and let people tell you what they think about them.”

L “Find something on ustream right now that is more engaging than what we’re doing...” “We’re being real.” “Every phone call is about leads.”

L “But a lot of times, we’re not in a good mood. We’re not happy.” R “I’m not in a good mood most of the time. You probably already know that.” L “We save up all of our good mood for when the camera’s rolling, but then we’ve short-circuited that facade by saying ‘you know what? We’re gonna stream live twice a week, and we’re gonna do this office hour, and we’re gonna try this,’ but what it does is, it opens you up to having to be totally yourself.”

L “You always have to be ‘on’ on a certain level.” R “I value my privacy much too much for that.”

L “I don’t remember you not eating anything that I ate when we were in college.” R “We didn’t eat anything in college. All we ate was french fries with ranch and bacon.” Gregg “And Hamburger Helpers.” R “And he’s not allergic to pasta and he’s not allergic to meat which is the only two things that we ate for four and a half years.”

Gregg “I’m alive today and it’s all thanks to my doctor.”

Goth vs Emo, Dead iPod Song

R “I wouldn’t mind my hair being like this at all times. Really. If I’d let it go, [I think] this would happen.” “I’m gonna put some ice in my Coke and then I’m gonna sit down and drink it with a frog.” “When all else fails, descend into the cave, the depths of the cave.” 

L “Montel brings people together.” “This is a family friendly show...” “We like to keep our personal lives and our friend lives separate from our Rhett & Link lives.” “I only watch the news to see the anchor mess up.” 

Oscars+Idol Recap+LiveSongs

L “This is good, clean fun! Open your ears!”

R  “We will get this straightened out.”

Rhett and Link

R “Sleeping is what they call, 'the little death.'”

Untitled Video rhettandlink 1

L "You're special..."

Happy Birthday LilFigs29

L “This is for you, LilFigs.”

Food Cart Song and Gazebo on Craigslist

L "We are on the edge of the snowplow."

___andLinKast

L “Should Rhett be allowed to have children, you know? That’s really the question. That’s what I’ve been thinking about all day, you know?” “It’s too late.” “This is his second child. It just gets worser by the moment, doesn’t it?”

“Proud to know him. Y’know, he is going to herd sheep one day. And he’s gonna teach people the proper way to spell ‘Shepherd.’ Welcome to the world, son. Call me Uncle Link. But that doesn’t mean that I’m gonna buy you a birthday present. Or… or an expensive one. I’ll get you a little something. Y’know, it’s just like, we’ll be on the way to your party and I’ll be like, “Did you get him som- oh- here, let’s pull in that gas station, we’ll get him some Pixy Stix.” Y’know? I’ll be your uncle that gives you the Pixy Stix. Um, and that’ll be our little arrangement. See, now I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to Shepherd, like, years from now, when he’s going back through archived footage on the internet, and he’s realizing that, y’know, I gave him a big portion of the show when it was my time to shine! Y’know, Rhett’s nowhere to be seen, I let him get on the phone, I let him talk about you, and, uh, he talked about the angelic janitor more than he talked about you. But you know who loves you, Shepherd. I’m here for you, man. I got some Pixy Stix right here in my back pocket for you.”

Concert (Practice!) + Remembering 9/11

R “We do this stuff for you.”

Guac Extras and Knee Injury Show

L “We’ll take views any way we can get ‘em. Exploiting the children is now fair game.”

Phone Update: LA

L “Does my hair look fuzzy today?”

R “Something exciting will happen here. Something exciting has already happened here.”

TV Theme Song Show

L “That’s what you get here at the RhettandLinKast. You get things that are only shown in pilots, baby!”

The RhettandLinKast Live 06/11/09 07:08PM

L “You’re special. You’re also weird, but we’re weird and birds of a feather kinda thing.” “Internet peanut butter. Everybody loves it except for the people it kills...Put that on a t-shirt.”

R “Don’t die on the toilet and never feed Diane after midnight.” “And then Link says, 'Sure will be nice when they four-lane this road.'”

Embarrassing Oedipus Kast

L “I can’t believe us in high school.” 

LinKast: Naming Link’s Next Son

R "I'm in charge here."

B.E.A.S.T. Kast

L “Daryl is on the edge of internetainment.” “Our birthdays only have ‘1’s and soon, we will be number 1’s.” “I’m a slave to your whims and, you know, your reactions.” “...we are comedians, we are not a real people.” “We are not real people. Real people cannot be friends.” “My prerequisite to buying something from something is just being able to remember the password.”

ustreamer question “What does B.E.A.S.T. mean?” L “Broadcast Entertainment At Secret Times.”

R “Of course, we’re friends! We’re not brothers.”

B.E.A.S.T. Kast Live 04/01/10

R “The foundation of manipulation is trust.” “Ben will be a chapter in the book that we write one day.” “It’s like a misplaced sequoya.” “Everybody has a favorite tree that they have substituted for a girl and carved stuff into. COME ON!” “We would have a better friendship if you hadda taken some stuff out on that tree.” “Sometimes I do things that you don’t know about...”

L “It was a mythical tree!” “We thought that we were going to be in a Snuggie commercial.”

B.E.A.S.T. Kast!

L “Good to have you see us.” “You are the key to what we do.”

L “We don’t like to commit to much of anything except that we will always love you and we will always be here for you and we will never change in ways that really matter.” R “And we will, even if I begin to lose my hair, I will begin taking plugs from my beard and reinventing my exact haircut for the rest of my life. So you don’t have to worry about that either.”

INTERNET VIDEO DON'TS

Part 1: Don't: Upload your Pan Flute lessons.

Part 2: Don't: Overuse the cheesy effects and transitions that came with your free editing software.

Part 3: Don't: Use your video blog to break up with your girlfriend.

THE LILLINGTONIANS 

Ep. 1: R "Senator! Our worst fears have come true." Senator Morgan "Did you lose our Justin Timberlake tickets?" R "No." 

Ep. 2: Pop "Put your arms where your mouth is." 

Ep. 3: R "Look, his arms are moving!" Kay "That's relatively normal." 

SEABORNE&ROACH

Ep1: R "Well, Rooster was my nickname in high school."

Ep2: L "So what does that make it, phone time?"

Ep3: L "You haven't said anything about my mustache." R "What do you want me to say about it?" L "I don't know. At least acknowledge it." R "Okay. I acknowledge your mustache."

Ep4: R "In 1996, two men graduated from high school. They probably entered culinary school and opened up a Japanese Cajun fusion restaurant that was a miserable failure. Today they're trying to make a living as private investigators. If you have an insignificant problem and limited funds, and you can find them, and trust me, you'll probably be able to find them, maybe you should hire Seaborne & Roach."

Ep5: R "But it turns out, it's impossible to not look like a dork when rollerblading."

L "You can't think about nothing. Everybody's always thinking about something."

Ep6: R "Tell me something that might be a lie." L "Alright. Back in high school, I was the guy who peed in your locker." R "What? That was you? It took me, like, six weeks to get that smell [off] my European history book, man. What were you thinking?" L "I'm lying." R "Don't joke like that. It's not funny."

SURROGATE SHARERS

Ep.1: L "Mom, engineering is harder than LEGOs." 

R "The only test I consistently pass is the one where I smell my dirty jeans to see how many more times I can wear them." "...I'm going to be able to focus more on things like snacks and naps." 

Ep.2: L "You know, it doesn't matter how bad things get. When I get a text from her that says, 'hey, pookie,' I know everything's gonna be alright." 

Ep.3: R "You don't need me in here, sleeping or studying, while you and your girlfriend perform voodoo rituals." 

L "And maybe you'll get lucky and get a new roommate who doesn't have a sense of smell." 

Ep.4: L "What do you want me to do? Ask you what your name is? That's not good for anybody." 

Ep.5: R "Don't worry. I put most everything in the trash." L "And I cleaned up really good with your bath towels, and put them back just like I found them." R "I came out, played it cool for thirty minutes, then I came up to you and said, 'Somebody blew it up in the bathroom. I think it was Daryl." L "It wasn't Daryl." 

Ep.6: L "It'll be just like the good ol' days. Mom, you'll make an awesome beef stroganoff, Dad, you'll come home from a hard day's work, and I'll eat and watch television." 

Ep.7: L "Sometimes I question if you snack on roadkill." R "It's like a bird flew in your mouth and died." 

L "I know you can beat this mouth funk. I believe in you."

Ep.8: R "One year, you got me a freeze-dried pigeon. I'm not sure if it was a decoration or a snack." 

L "You're so good at giving bad gifts, I almost have to respect it." "Next year, do me a favor. Go to a random dumpster and stick your hand in there and grab the first thing you touch and give me that. It'll probably be an improvement."

GOOD MORNING CHIA LINCOLN

GMCL 1: R “We got a bunch of dead birds, we got a bunch of dead fish. What’s next?” “Don’t eat the birds, people in Arkansas.”

L “It’s like a very dangerous amusement park. Don’t eat the birds at Bird City."

GMCL 2: R “I don’t like honking the horn at people, I feel like it’s inappropriate.”

GMCL 3: L “I became fully a man by getting an HD television...I passed into full dad-hood, and man-hood, I guess…” “We’re totally men now.”

GMCL 4: L “We like each other so much in a brotherly way that it seems like we don’t like each other."

GMCL 5: R (in radio voice) “Make sure you call in tomorrow morning for your chance to win a bowl of spaghettios.”

(in normal voice) “I have no control over my radio voice.”

L “It’s promoting fantasy.”

GMCL 6: L “..and we are moving at the speed of conversation.” “Leave the cuts to the emotional confused teenagers.” (don’t worry, he apologizes for this one.) “ “Walking into the gym and seeing Rhett in shorts kinda creeped me out."

R “I'm the coach with the hoodie." “It all starts with keeping your shirt tucked in, people.” "...you could be an all-star in the Suck League.”

GMCL 7: L “Growing up, that’s who I wanted to be: a weatherman.”

R “I could see you doing that… in your argyle sweater.”

L “This is my winter weather sweater. Don’t say anything about my sweater.”

GMCL 8: L “My glasses are foggin’ up I’m gettin’ so hot just thinking about it.”

GMCL 9 L “My tongue is much longer than that. I’m only showing you the tip of it.” “I’m an over-chewer, I'll admit to that.”

R "I don't think that Link's tongue is that much bigger than mine. I think we have average-sized tongues, I don't know, we've never measured them." "It's not about tongue size." “Sometimes, I just stop and just watch you chew.”

GMCL 10:  L “How do you discover anything that is the absence of anything?” “Did you hear about that guy who rides his pet mammoth to class every day? I think his name is like, NASA, or something.” “You are a true mythical beast when you’re a loyal viewer of this show. Thank you.”

GMCL 11: R “I have that skin condition that Michael Jackson had, I’m turning white.” “Your eyebrows are beginning to wiggle like you’re really uncomfortable.” “You run the risk of getting burned, and that makes your wedding night kind of precarious.”

GMCL 12: L “Orange Russian Prisoned Man, Keep your distance.”

R “I have radiation coming off of me at all times.”

GMCL 13: L ""We had the thumbnail on yesterdays episode that had the creepy looking owl and I was like 'dang if that don't look like Rhett!'"

R “I'm also 40% owl." "..but they feel like they would hurt my feelings if they cut it down because it’s like, ‘Rhett’s bush.’” “When a tree falls in the woods and three sixth graders are there, they hear it.”

GMCL 14: R “I got a lot of conditions. I’m a complicated man.” “I don’t still wet the bed, people. At least, I haven’t in the last six months.”

L "Laughter is so contagious, it's such a beautiful thing even when you're acting like a child."

GMCL 15: R “At that point, he’s just like, ‘I’m just gonna let this guy feel the heat. ‘Cause I’m the heat.’”

GMCL 16: L “No, he’s talking about, rom the crotch, if you want me to say it, whiskers go out.”

R “I’m not into whiskers, I’m into pleating.”

GMCL 17: L “But I could be nude in tomorrow’s episode, so tune in.”

R “It’s superhero underwear, man. There’s nothing funny about that at all.”

GMCL 18: L “If you’re cool, do you say “Mee-ya-mi?’”

R “I’ve been thinking about you people. I woke up 7 times last night and everytime I woke up, I was like, ‘what are the people who watch Good Morning Chia Lincoln going to be, what are thinking about right now, what are they eating right now, what are they dreaming about right now. When am I going to get to talk to them again? I’m so anxious to cut this camera on in Miami, or ‘Mee-ya-mi,’ and talk to these people on an iPhone.”

GMCL 19: L “My hands are always shaky. I’M WIRED! ZZZZ”

R “Ok, Link’s life has changed. He’s easily impressed by very small toothpaste tubes.”

GMCL 20: L “I’m not ashamed to say I use a loofah.”

R “First of all, this clearly confirms that you are insane.” L “Debatable.”

R “I think that every once in awhile, you should purposely have someone...throw your system off to make you adaptable.”

GMCL 21: L “This is probably folly on my part to be this close to you.” “I remember vomit going from me to the television… I’ve gone all the WAY, and I’ve returned to tell you about it.”

GMCL 22: L  “Thank you, Miss Slaughter, for putting up with all our crap...”

GMCL 23: L “Rhett just showed me some video he took of himself last night.” “You still want to give ‘em ‘Maneater’? You will never be Delilah!”

GMCL 24: R “I’m on the basketball team, I’m actually, what some might call, a basketball star, I’m one of our key players...and I was the leading scorer and I set a record.”

L “In middle school, I kept score the women’s basketball team.”

GMCL 25: R “I don’t watch the local news a lot. When I do watch it, it’s for entertainment purposes.” “You go until you can’t go anymore.”

GMCL 26: L “Putting one word in all caps anytime in a tweet is dangerous, first of all, so you’re really living on the edge, Rhett.” “We are a united front here at RhettandLink, Incorporated.” “Turning and coughing kind of makes me think of something else.”

GMCL 27: L “There’s nothin’ but love here. Nothin’ but love. Thank you, for giving us nothin’ but love.” “I have been called a human Happy Meal toy.”

R “So, I’m a better looking Daniel Stern.” “90% of the people who tell me that I look like Robert Patterson are from a particular demographic.”

GMCL 28: R (quoting his dad’s philosophy) “When something’s wrong with the car, you take it to the guy with the mullet.” “Dirty-handed mullet man is gonna fix your car.”  

GMCL 29: L “We like to peer into the soul of the news.” “Anything related to owls is definitely gonna grab us, and I trust that it will also grab you.”

GMCL 30: R “I have a telescope and I’m constantly scanning the earth, that’s why I don’t sleep. Didn’t you know this about me? I have like a $350 telescope and I’m constantly just scanning the earth, I have a feed that comes into my computer, and I’m, in the middle of the night, I’m like ‘Oh, crap. There’s an asteroid. Better call NASA.” “I got lots of meteorites right here, baby.”

GMCL 31: R “...There is no preparation for Good Morning Chia Lincoln. We come in every morning and we say, ‘What do you want to talk about?’...and then we turn the camera on and we start talking about it.” L “after we say ‘Let’s talk about that.’”

L “Shoutout to Pink Ice and everyone who gave it.”  

GMCL 32: L “I’m crapping my pants in the women’s restroom, dangit!”

R “Always have your doors locked because the carjacker will try a couple times and then he’ll give up." 

GMCL 33: L “That’s cause I live life to the fullest without thinking about it ahead of time.” “Love me when this is over, please.” “The moment of nekkidness should always be minimized.” (nakedness)

GMCL 34: R “I believe that we had a brush with another dimension. I believe that if we had only gotten off in the Twin Cities and gone to the food court, we would have fully assimilated into the other dimension and we would have been in our own episode of LOST.”

GMCL 35: L “I’m six feet tall, I’m not a shrimp!”

R “You gotta watch those Greeks.” “It’s good, though. When you start getting hate on a video, you know you’ve broken out of your audience.” “Link is actually pretty tall, he’s six feet, I’m six foot seven.” “Wrong seat, wrong plane, wrong day.”

GMCL 36: L “You may have stank breath and not even know it.”

R “Everyone needs a breath and a teeth checker.” “You’re scaring me, Link. And the viewers.”

GMCL 37: L “...we are going on a safari of sorts, Rhett.”

R “We like to make memories together. That’s sort of me and Link’s personal friendship motto. ‘Making Memories together: Rhett & Link.’ That’s what I wrote in Link’s yearbook every year: ‘Link, I so enjoy making memories with you.’”

GMCL 38: L “We have a lot of shared experiences. We’ve gone through a lot of stuff together. It’s a wonder that we’re still friends.”

GMCL 39: L “But first, disclaimer: Everything we say that we did in this story is true, but you should not do it, okay? Do as we say, not as we do. And what we’re saying is don’t do what we did.”

GMCL 40: L “I feel like our friendship have even grown a little bit…” “Congratulations, Cara!” "Be your mythical best!"

R “I cried a little bit during that trumpet solo.” “You’ve been there from very early on, Cara, you are a super extra mythical beast and we congratulate you and we are happy to give you Chia Lincoln.” "Stay out of the flip-side."

THE MYTHICAL SHOW

(Quotes only from the in-studio scenes. Many of the clips are posted separately on R&L's main channel.)

“Welcome to The Mythical Show!” “Your 30 minutes of not having to click around on the internet.” (or half-hour, and some variation)

TMS 1: “Welcome to The Mythical Show!”:“Your 30 minutes of not having to click around on the internet.”

R “This is the only time we’re going to do this. If it goes well, we’ll try again and then again 12 more times.” "I think Jews are good at the Speech Jammer." "It's a bigger wheel, I'm a bigger man." "Just brace me."

TMS 2: L "We are making this show for an audience of you." “I’ve definitely earned the title, ‘Mr. Weinee Pants.’”

R "I want to make it with you. I want to make it for you." “I’m now a fainter!"

TMS 3: R “There’s no conclusion, brother. It’s a train ride...to nowhere.” “You are our giraffe mother, mythical beasts.” “If we can guarantee anything, things are going to happen.”

TMS 4: R “We eat salads together all the time.” “I would say that the thing that annoys you most about me is that I’m a know-it-all.”

L “He’s a heartless, hungry jerk.”

TMS 5 L “Even the host will now talk about his own show.” “You do look like Eminem.” “You could jump off a mountain and hang-glide with those ears.” “This is for all humans.” “I’m not trying to hold your hand, I’m just trying to find the grapes.” “I can tell you man, I can see colors when I taste it!’ “Purple potatoes? That’s a beet!”

R “It’s like, ‘I’m happy, I just ate something I liked, but I’m don’t know how it’s going down, and I might have just gotten shot by a bear tranquilizer.” “How can you not like M&Ms? It’s like not liking the sunshine.” “This is not our wedding!”

TMS 6 (lots of quotes in the ‘celebrate every holiday in a month’ skit)

R “Boy, you could cut a piece of paper with that Adam’s apple.”

L “You like to make purchases...because you’re such a sad human being.” “I didn’t order food with my salt.” “Too much salt on my food. Sarcastic remark here.”

TMS 7 L “...the only show on the internet where you can see the entire surface area of the top of a desk.” “Remember, people: Eat your cicadas, tweet at your peeps, and peep at your tweets.”

R “There’s a difference between squirrel turds and rat turds.” “Welcome to Los Angeles where rats are on power lines.” “If there was a Drutter olympics, I would win it!”

TMS 8 L “What kind of father is that, that his son has to sincerely ask, ‘have you ever killed anybody’?”

R (to L) “You let your kid stay in poopy-diapers and sometimes I smell Lando and it’s been like 3 hours…”

TMS 9 R “Good bedtimes stories end with ovations.” “My face just came in contact with your belly.”

L “I’m starting a basketball cult. Anyone who wants to come to my cul-de-sac is welcome to.” “‘Welcome to the Mythical Show where these two creepy guys interact with children.’ Is that what this is?” “Start a new channel called, ‘Weird dude in a cul-de-sac playing basketball with 8 to 10-year olds.’”

TMS 10 L “That could be the period. (makes mouth noise) Bbbrrpp.” “Beautiful people make beautiful mugshots.”

R “You’re the cheapest person that I’ve ever come in contact with.” “‘Plant many tissue.’ That’s the message.”

TMS 11 (celebrate a month skit again)

L “...but I figured the way to judge a good Pixar movie, and it’s the amount of independant times I cry during the movie.” “I weeped it twice.” “Step on my face.”

R  “That’s why you’re not sponsored by Pixar because their tagline is not ‘Pixar: So Better.’” “I am a crier at TV and movies and sometimes commercials.” “Nothing brings the family together like a big fat bird.” “That’s how a man spins a wheel, Link. Pay attention.”

EAR BISCUITS

Ep. 1: L “Is history being made here?” R “Well, I mean, technically, history is always being made. You alone in your room whimpering to yourself or accidentally burping after a meal is history being made.”

Ep. 2: L “I’m sorry I didn’t watch your ‘Draw My Life’ because I’m afraid of drawings about people’s lives.” “Taste the traction.” “A necklace is a ring for a really big finger.” “Your finger ain’t that fat.” “You talk about, 'oh, I'm moving on to the next person now.' I mean, that’s what my dad did when I was two and I don't want to recreate that, you know, I mean, he had a tough road after that and so did I as a kid. You know, I don't wanna give that to-I wanna build something different, you know, and so I think that I was very calculated and very scientific about my approach to engagement and seeing marriage as this huge threshold that 'this means something that I'm gonna change the pattern that was set by my dad and I'm gonna set the foundation to create-to build something...that is tremendously rewarding and ultimately doesn't create all these painful barriers that I had to overcome as a kid to become who I am.' And one says I'm thankful for those things, it made me who I am, yes, but it's exciting and it's rewarding to say, now the prospect of teaming up with somebody, a wife, and saying 'I'm gonna build this thing that has other little people that then get bigger and you have to reprimand.'"

Ep. 5: R "We would not hire a teenager to sign our names on a poster." Okay, so for whatever reason, probably because my last name is McLaughlin, very early on, we've always signed "Rhett & Link" because that's who we are! You know us as Rhett and Link. You don't call us Rhett McLaughlin and Link Neal. So, we always sign our names, "Rhett & Link," and we always use the ampersand. And like Link says, if I sign it first, I do the ampersand, and if Link signs it first, he does the ampersand." "Mine's in cursive and yours is in print."

L "And our signatures don't look like they've both been written by the same teenager."

Ep. 14: R “I wrote a love song to my wife…” “I performed this song for my wife’s family and I started crying.”

L “This is something I do not know about.” “Hey man, I wrote a love song to my wife. Would you like hear it?” “I cannot be your friend.” "I stalk my wife, I'll own that." "I seriously considered naming one of my children 'Lionel' because it starts with an 'L' and that's what we did with our children, we named them with 'L' names." 

Ep. 22: L "...it was,'let's make a blood oath that we're gonna be teammates in creating something. We're gonna be, like, business partners in whatever we do,...we're gonna, like, make something big, I don't know what it is, but we should probably write it down.' And then, well, 'if you're gonna write it down, we should probably cut ourselves and sign it in blood.'" "The word 'big' was definitely in it." "I was absolutely terrified to stay at anybody else's house." 

R “...we don't have these sheets of paper anymore." "...and we wrote something that was like, 'we're gonna do something awesome and we're gonna do that something awesome together. Now, let's cut ourselves.'" "There would have been no blood oath if there hadn’t been a Jimmy Capps.” "I went to your house more than anybody's, but I was addicted to spending the night at people's houses."

Ep. 27 R “I almost went to medical school to operate exclusively on the brains of musicians. Uh no, just because I found their brains interesting and I wanted to press on it during surgery so they would make different notes and I could play music through their brains during surgery.” “I was fangirling. I had gone beyond fanboying.” (about Link->) “If I know something, he feels free to not know it.”

L “We have been fans of Pomplamoose since like way back. I’m talking two thousand ‘08, the dark ages of the internet.”

Ep. 31: L “I got a boner in that class.”

Ep. 61: R “Every million subscribers, you cry.” Markiplier “Uh, pretty much, yeah.”

Mark "No one on this earth will have enough time to do what they need." 

Ep. 63: R “I distrust lab coats.”

Ep. 69: R (putting Link’s sentences together) “MMA fighting does not come on screens in your life.”

L “Do it for the yams.” (put that on a t-shirt)

Ep. 73. R “Walmart makes me stupid.” (L - put that on a t-shirt)

Ep. 86: R “...I’m compelled to trust us before we trust anybody else’s voice.” “...We haven’t made a video that I don’t let my kids watch.” “What’s the difference between jeans and blur?” “Trust is something that we’ve never had to work on.” “Rhett the net.” “He’s growing other Shays and he wants to know what God thinks about it.”

L “We do everything absolutely equal.” (to Rhett->) “You’re usually right about everything.” “When in doubt, he’s probably right about it.” “I feel like I’m freed up to be wrong about a lot of things, and there’s a lot of fun in that.” “I feel weird about myself being digitally cloned perfectly to the point where I’m not special anymore. That wigs me out.”

R (about Stevie->) “That’s my favorite thing about her is that, she will lose sleep over something that isn’t right about something we’re doing.” L “As if it’s her content in a good way.”

MORE

(Videos they are guests in or featured in, with funny, informative, or obvious, popular, stand-out quotes. Chronological order, by published date, oldest to most recent.) 

1. R "Which was my nickname in high school. 'The Velvet Hook,' they called me." "Somewhere between your dog and my dog is the perfect, perfectly drawn dog."

L "Every good piece of art poses a question." from Velcro Song and History, Jul 24, 2006.

2. L "I identify with the lead character in that Ya-Ya Sisterhood movie." Embarrassing Confessions, Jan 29, 2008.

3. R “Sleeping is what they call, 'the little death.'” from "Rhett and Link", a RhettandLinKast from 3-20-08 and "Live Tavin Interview with Rhett & Link", Apr 7, 2008. Also, briefly said it in variation in GMMore 671.

4. L "It was a relentless and blind pursuit. We were pursuing something that doesn't exist and then, when we found it exists, we found ourselves in it without even knowing it." from "Fuquay's dynamic duo are Mad Men of the Web", Sept 19, 2010.

5. L "...ultimately, we don't just make these commercials just for fun on YouTube, we make them to actually help the businesses." "...all our commercials, you might describe as crazy, but we always wanna help the business..." "'Cause I know what you're thinking, people out there in front of your laptops, you're thinking, 'Boy, I'd love to see those two guys get colonics on television!'" 

R "Now, we're not the typical commercial directors, so when we get this gig to make a commercial for a colonics place, we don't just come in with this idea and try to implement this idea, we come and say, 'listen, the least we can do is experience this for ourselves'..." from NSFW #81: Slower and Creepier (exception: release date June 21, 2011)

6. "Inspiration Time with Rhett and Link" by L/Studio, created by Lexus", Mar 28, 2012.

7. L "I think we're breaking a number of records here. The number of times anyone has listened to a karaoke version of Lionel Richie's 'All Night Long' consecutively. I mean, what's the longest internet performance in history?" "Can this be considered that?" @ 1:32:00 from Full 11 Hours: "All Night Long" literally All. Night. Long, Sept 20, 2012.

8. L “Let’s just call it ‘Golden Corral’.” “So we recognize that we’re taking your digital cereal away. You know, I eat cereal every morning and if I don’t eat my cereal and drink my coffee, my day’s not right and I’m glad that we’re that for many of you. That’s success. I mean, that’s what we were trying to do.”

R “The fact that many of you are upset about ‘Good Mythical Morning’ going away, you’re passionate about it, that’s a great thing.” “I will shave when I get jaw surgery.” from "More Details about The Mythical Show", Apr 2, 2013. 

9. R "We find comedy in nature. It's a nature channel with pictures of animals and plants and all the comedic things that happen with them on a daily basis." 

L "Well, my youngest son, he's three. He's brainstorming website names for Locke and Lincoln's website and his latest idea is LockeandLincolninthebathroom.com." "Opinions are like buttholes: we’ve all got one, and it occasionally stinks." (submitted by Rachel (Sylvarasaurus)) "l interact with Lady Gaga as if she's, like, an aunt." from "Rhett and Link: Behind the Reel with YouTube's Internetainers [Inte...", Dec 20, 2013. 

10. R: "We've known each other longer than we've known our wives." Toby: "Is it okay?" R: "Yeah,they're okay with it." L: "It's not like a second marriage." from "St. Patrick's Day w/ Rhett and Link", Mar 17, 2014. 

11. Question in video: "If Heaven exists, what would like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?" 

L "Well done, my good and faithful servant." R "You were a dad that was there." 

from "WAIT WHAT?! RHETT & LINK EDITION!", May 9, 2014.

12. L “I love to rub some bacon on my burger.” "The key is an open mind and a stupid brain." 

R “I want the burger to be the kind of thing that if I was knocked out, they would use it to wake me up.” from “Won’t It Burger? with Rhett & Link, Burger Quest ep. 5”, Nov 13, 2014. 

13. L "Just keep in mind that opinions are like butt holes; we all have them, and they usually stink." from “YouTubers React to YouTube Comments System”, Oct 30, 2014.

14. R “My grandfather was married seven times to six different women because he married my grandmother twice.”

L “My kids all have those cheeks. They inherited those.” “Organization makes me so happy.” “Things happen live, it’s great!” “Now, when are we going live? When is everyone going to see this?”

Hank: "...and there’s a Link in the live stream that won't take you anywhere except into his beautiful blue eyes." “Me and baby Rhett and baby Link are just gonna hang out together in the live stream.” “Oh, Rhett and Link. Two of the best people in the whole world.” from “The Project for Awesome 2014 Livestream Kickoff!”, Dec 12, 2014.

15. “THANKSGIVING IN A CAN W/ RHETT & LINK!”, Nov 21, 2015.

16. R “There also needs to be a word for when you’re in a conversation and you say something and somebody laughs and you think they’re laughing at your joke and they’re laughing at somebody else’s...” "...and one of the things that I think about often is what is the lifetime balance between me and Link, because I bet that you owe me $10,000." 

L “I would call that experiencing a ‘laughallax,’ it’s like a parallax of laughter.” "It's funny because we were outside in the car, before we knew we were gonna eat there and before we knew it was cash only, we had this long conversation to try to determine how much money I owed Rhett and it was determined that I owed Rhett $140 in cash." "I don't like it when people send us art and I'm not in it and just Rhett's in it." “I’m so light-headed for charity.” “Santa?...I’m seeing Santa!”

Hank “It sounds a little bit like you’re laughing and you accidently poop.” from "Project for Awesome 2015 Rhett and Link hosting", Dec 12, 2015. 

17. Reece "What's your favorite food?" L "Oh. Cereal." Reece "How do you spell that?" L "C." Reece "c." L  "A, I think." Reece "a." L "Cere-I know how to eat it, I don't-" Reece "You know how to eat it." L "I know how to spell 'Frosted Mini-Wheats.'" Reece "And you know how to take a bath in it." L "Oh yeah. You can say that again, girl." 

L "That would be my superpower: Taking a bath in cereal." "How's my hair because it's important." (slurps tea for a long time) from OUTTAKES from The Interview: with Link Neal! //3 Ginger Sisters, May 14, 2016. 

18. L "When in doubt, stop backing up." Link's Twitter account, Aug 2, 2016.

19. Jimmy "You guys have been friends since first grade, is that right?" L "Yep." R "First grade." L "The first day of first grade, we were both held in from recess by our teacher, Ms. Locklear, 'cause we were writing nasty words on our desks." Jimmy "Can you say what the nasty words were, or no?" R "I think so. We could say, I said, I wrote 'hell' and he wrote- Both R&L "'dam.'"

R "Shout-out to Leslie." "Shout-out to Amber." 

from Rhett & Link Bonded Over Swears in First Grade, The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Dec 24, 2016.