Rhett & Link Quotes! GMM 1-186

Hello, Beasts!  (approved & first posted on Kommunity Fri, Nov 20 2015)

In doing a little "boopity-boop-boop-boop" research for a song project, and taking inspiration from GMM 800 where Rhett & Link were asked by Kommunity member, icesis (@icesisGMM on Twitter,) to say one quote from every episode (we knew what she meant, but of course, R&L took it the other way! lol), I started looking up popular quotes the guys have said from all their shows: The RhettandLinKast Live, Good Morning Chia Lincoln, The Mythical Show, Good Mythical Morning, Good Mythical More, Ear Biscuits and other videos in which they were guests/featured.

I searched various sites and discussion threads for quotes, and realized a lot of lists were really disorganized, not sourced, and some were incorrectly worded! The researcher and organizer in me (Master's degree) was agitated by this, so I decided to type up a mass list of quotes from each episode for the Kommunity!

This is working list. I encourage and welcome you to add to it and make suggestions if compelled.

Each episode can have more than one quote since the guys say a lot of funny and interesting things, so feel free to add to an episode already posted by commenting below. 

*Note: I'm not linking videos to the quotes. You can easily find the videos by typing "GMM 305" (for example) into youtube or google search and the video comes up, except for Season 2, but you can use this source for the correct number. There are some mislabeled episodes in the description of the videos, & those are noted in this list.

*I have personally watched every episode or video that is listed and checked quotes for 100% accuracy. If I am incorrect in any way, please let me know!

6/13/16: This list is also here to help viewers find episodes based on quotes or specific moments. Of course, watch the episodes for yourselves and pick out your own favorite quotes as well. :)

*12/30/15: Here is a link to the post of Quotes from GMCL, TMS, Ear Biscuits & More!.

2/23/17: *Kasts will be included in a video guide! Coming soon! *6/13/17: Kast quotes will be included in GMCL, etc., list above until video guide is completed.

*2/5/16: Added links to separate blog pages (constantly updating). These are at the top of each page for your convenience: GMM 187-369, GMM 370-521, GMM 522-667, GMM 668-815, GMM 816-968, GMM 969-1051, GMM 1052-Current

*3/27/16: Friendly shout-out:  Check out these Tumblr blogs for more quotes: randlquotesthatwillmakeyouwatch, rhettandlinkoutofcontext, and goodmythicalquotes. Twitter: @bestlinkquotes, ALL CAPS GMM 

Most Repeated & Recognizable Quotes:

• “Let’s talk about that!”

• “You know what time it is!"

• "Put that on a T-shirt!"

• “Oh my goodness/gosh/gracious" "GAH!" 

• “Click through to", and “Welcome to Good Mythical More, where…”

• "Not a sponsor" 
• “The Link is in the description”

• “Today, we ask the age old question...” (Will-It episodes)

• "Dink it and sink it." (some variations)

• “We do this so you don’t have to.” (and some variations in some episodes)

• "When you're an internetainer, you gotta prepare for the day when nobody cares enough anymore to click on your face. It's what you do." (Back-Up Plan episodes)

• "Be Your Mythical Best!” (BYMB) and "Thanks for being your mythical best." 

Running quotes/phrases:

1. In GMCL, they made fun of each other and went back and forth calling the year 2011, "Two thousand eleven", "Twenty-eleven", "Two thousand one and one", and "Two-zero-one-one." (and some variation)

2. Link’s Adam’s Apple is called a “Goozle”

3. Have they ever punched each other in the face? No. They tease the question almost every Thursday in Season 3, but never answer it then. Season 9: Kind of, with marshmallows! 

4. One of them, usually Rhett, says "That's what they call me/That was my nickname in middle school/high school/college."

5. When Link does or says something that is weird, funny, or cool, Rhett is surprised and amazed and says, in some variation, "I'm glad I was here for this!"

6. Questions and Answers analogies (from advice questions)

7. When R&L are blindfolded or when they have a curtain as a barrier between them, one of them, usually Link for the blindfolds, says: "As you can see, we can't."
8. "I acknowledge your mustache." 
9. “I believe so/feel pretty strongly about this.” 

Individual Common Phrases:

Rhett: “I’m just using my brain (here)." “(And) that’s not a euphemism for anything.” "What are the chances?" "I'm a ____ genius!" "Kinda feels like the Home Shopping Network right now." "That's what's happening here."

Link: "That's not good for anybody." "I'll own that." "I'm not going to apologize for it." "Nothing came up." "When in doubt, ..."

GOOD MYTHICAL MORNING 

SEASON ONE

GMM 1: R “Whenever I’m starting something new, I usually wear a V-neck on that day. It centers me emotionally.” “But it’s always a mythical morning somewhere.” “We can NOT talk about Justin Bieber, that is the first rule of ‘Good Mythical Morning.’”

L "We want this to be something, like Rhett said, special. We want it to be mythical. We want this to be part of your daily routine." “Whenever you watch this show, that’s when your mythical morning happens. It's like a new beginning.”

GMM 2: R “It’s not really math, but that’s okay.”

L “When I’m introducing myself, they think I’m saying ‘Leak’...” "If you're going to legally change your name, do not party, never party, with the guy who gave you your name."

 

GMM 3: R “Everyone will wear turtlenecks in the future…” “..and when you do facebook on an iPad, the world ripples.” “If you’ve got a big toe, you need to insist—you need to demand on … having a husband or a wife who also has a large big toe. And then your kids will have big toes, and you teach them from day one that the most important thing is for them to marry someone else with a very large toe. And then if we can pass this mentality through the generations, I’d say in about six generations we could have a five-inch big toe.”

L “He’s so right, he becomes wrong again.”

GMM 4: R “I got to admit that I devour documentaries. Teenagers are just full of it. Angst.” 

L “Bumfuzzled and angst-ridden.” “Such a culture-changing show here that we have.”

GMM 5: L “Well I want to sound like cookie monster!” “Don’t ask me what ‘nougat’ is.” “I like a bar that says what it does when you eat it.” "I'm doing this for you people. That's how far I'm willing to go. I'm willing to go so far as to eat coconut." “I like a bar that exudes positivity.” “I just dropped half a Baby Ruth in my crotch area.”

R “Don’t mistake it for a turd.” “I’ll take a slap to the face, I don’t care.”

GMM 6: R “Yeah, we take our tonsil stones out and unite them together sometimes.” “You administered ‘Lil’ Fellers’ to yourself.” “Throat-bleeding peaks at 23.” “I have trained my tongue to remove my tonsil stones.”

L “You learn something here.” “It’s like a bald man’s head in the back of my throat.”

 

GMM 7: L "My advice is this, explanation to follow: Remember Mrs. Perfect." "Don't you wish you could see us thumb wrestle?"

R “I like your boots.”

 

GMM 8: R “That’s what happens when you try to impersonate a music director.” “How can that much something come out of your mouth and neither one of us know who it was?” “I choose a ringtone exclusively on how I will feel if it goes off in public.”

 

GMM 9: Link calls his Adam’s Apple: “Goozle” (& in future episodes)

L: “I think I’m going to try to harness my Goozle as a weapon.” “Never give a giraffe a knife if you want to keep it as a pet.”

 

GMM 10: L “I’m always potentially sleepy…”

R “I respect you more now.” “We do not endorse sleeping in public, whilst it’s snowing, with an electric blanket.”

 

GMM 11: L “I’m being facetious.” (common phrase throughout season)

 

GMM 12: L “Bring a friend to G-double-M.”

R “I have a shiny jacket and a turtleneck! Next question.”

 

GMM 13: R “I’m so ahead of it, they don’t even have it yet!” “97% of the time, I get the thing in the window.”

L “Ultimately, I’m a really frugal person…”

GMM 14: R “And women, some of you have the ability to grow facial hair too, good for you.” “I didn’t know I could grow a moustache until I tried...” “Guys, listen. If you’re in eighth grade, and you have a moustache, shave it. You don’t have a moustache, you have peach fuzz.”

L “Nobody’s ever shaved a peach, though.” “Any facial hair that a fruit referenced in it, is probably not a good idea to have on your face.”

 

GMM 15: R "Be thankful that you're alive, 'cause you could be squashed like a bug at any second."

GMM 16: R “Link, you smell like a woman.” L “There’s a reason.”

R “You’ve kinda been the woman here for the past couple of weeks.”

L “I have gone back to my wife’s deodorant.” At first, you think, ‘are there bugs crawling out of my armpits? Moist bugs?’”

GMM 17: L “Ladies love attention, they love to be given attention, they love intrigue, they love mystery…” Women love to be pursued over time…”

R “‘Bring a friend just in case I don’t like you.’”

GMM 18: L “It’s a pain of cleanliness and I like it.”

R “We encourage you to floss.” “When scientists begin studying things, I perk up.”

GMM 19: R “I’m just saying that the internet thinks that I have the best facial ever.” “Don’t deny me that that’s a good.”

L “I am in love with cereal.”

GMM 20: R “...but my family dogsat. Well, it’s not a sport. That’s not when you put your children on large dogs and have them joust, which could be a good idea.” “The reason I don’t want a dog is because I feel that I am cursed...”

L “I like dogs, too. I especially like ‘em on a t-shirt.”

GMM 21: L “What is blood brotherism?” “Women are like modern day blacksmiths. They use irons when they get up in the morning on their hair. It’s amazing!” “The news that I read has a fiction section. News fiction.” “Many wrecks are caused from statues of liberties dancing and miniature ponies, miniature horses.”

R “It’s when you’re not brothers, you’re just two people, it could be two guys, it could be blood sisters or blood siblings and then you cut yourselves and you mix your blood and you’re like ‘we’re one.’ We did that in middle school, but we don’t recommend it.” “What are ya gonna do, perm me to death?” “This is how I communicate to my wife, through the show, by the way.” “Are there any hacks around because I’m gonna request a hack to do my taxes.”

 

GMM 22: L (singing->) “I put on my pants, one leg at a time.” “James is his middle name and his son is seven foot three inches tall.” “I must have the broom!” “‘Good Mythical Morning: these hicks are amazed by anything!’” “My wife...has a very pronounced southern accent...it’s very cute, it’s one of the many reasons that I love her, but it’s getting noticed a lot out here, especially by the six year old who was with the other couple and she comes up to my wife and says, ‘Excuse me, are you speaking cowboy?’...and my wife is like, ‘no.’ and then she laughed it off.” “The activation word is broom.”

R  “...my entire cart bunny hops a little bit...and everything falls out of the cart...sliding down the thing and then a siren goes off...and everything shuts down and everybody looks at me.” “It’s like, ‘Whose cart is that? The tall guy right next to the cart that everything just fell out of and the very large child.” “I don’t do embarassment very well. I haven’t been embarrassed a lot in my life. My face got red.” “...and now I’m the idiot who just had all his stuff fall out on the escalator who now can’t even buy it.” “It was embarrassing on multiple levels.”

GMM 23: R "I started to think about the knock, and realized that it was the dong."

GMM 24: R “We all love men in tights with superpowers.” “Usually what they are is in the name. That’s sort of a superhero thing.” “We’re presenting this to you on a platter.” “You couldn’t get any less superhero than Robin Hood unless you made him purple.” “Hawkman, best superhero ever. Take that, Batman!”

L “Look at my heart, it’s being warmed.” “The internet loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch, hehehehehe.” “I’m foaming at the mouth!” “I think everybody has an opinion and then there’s some people with super opinions and we totally respect that.” “I was also afraid of hitchhikers.” “I’d like to have a Linkmobile and a Linkerang.” “I’m Batman.”

 

GMM 25: L “You are special. You can accomplish things today that up until the point you had not accomplished. It’s up to you and we’re just here to give you a bright spot to send you in the right direction. We just want to help. We want to be a part of your routine that helps. Help us help you, people.” “Diagnose them with a G double M deficiency.” “Moms away!” “Spoiler alert: my kids are still alive.” “My kids were amazing I bought two of something.” “Birdseed beard.” “Wherever there’s a blue moon present, he pees on it.” “You’re in your own house, yet you’re foraging.’ “Dad high five.”

R “Wow, yeah, the cheapest man in the world is buying birdseed left and right.” “And so he’s standing on the chair and I come out and he says, ‘I am Superman Pirate Power Ranger Captain America!’” “Kids gotta take care of themselves every once in awhile. Moms just baby ‘em!” “Thank you Jessie, thank you Christy, for being the moms that you are.”

 

GMM 26: L “Nothing spells romance like big egg-shaped sewage digesters.” “I could at any point share something inappropriate. That’s part of who I am and I embrace it and then constantly battle with it.” “‘I’m stuck on you.’ Pretty good, isn’t it?” “I am a human being. I matter.”

R “That is such an insult to Lionel Richie. Don’t ever explain who Lionel Richie is by referencing his daughter.” “You need to reach down deep into this part of your soul, down here in the abdominal area and you need to grab that, you need to grab hold of that in the same way that you’re grabbing hold of life and you need to pull it up, but don’t show any flesh...grab life by the abdominal area.”

Both: “Release the universe back into the universe.”

GMM 27:  L “Breathing is a good thing, whether you involve the universe in it is your own business.” "Is it as dangerous to eat there as it is to pronounce it?" "..If you have a face you are making some sort of a face." "I do have older people come up to me in public places and say, 'Honey, can I help you with something?'" 

“As a seedling is planted in the dirt and emerges when it feels the rays of the sun, slowly, with a default facial expression of sheer wonderment mixed with ‘I’m smelling something bad,’ the petals of the flower reach out to photosynthesize. It breathes in the universe, and as it breathes out, it’s as if the flower is saying, ‘Thank you for making us a part of your morning routine, whenever your mythical morning may happen.’ And then it dies. But you don’t die, you continue watching.”

R "Don't be a mouth breather." "Are you lost?" "Where are your parents at?"

GMM 28: L “It’s a halfway massage for a full-way price.” “She’s giving you the ‘Crouching Tiger’. I’m afraid to ask, what’s the ‘Hidden Dragon’?”

R “She’s standing on me as if I was a table.” “You can walk on somebody’s front.” “Do you now a hundred years ago, do you know what kids would have to do? They would have to make their own beds. And by ‘make their own beds’ I mean literally build their own beds….And they probably shared it with a donkey! And you’re complaining about making your stupid little bed I bought at Wal-Mart?”

 

GMM 29: L “Checkers is like chess that can be played in the lobby of a Cracker Barrel.” “I hate games that require skill.” “If I go to somebody’s house and they say, ‘we gonna play Risk’, my response is ‘can I just wash your dishes’?” “You know you’re a great board game if you can go vertical.”

R (wheel ending: old man lawn speech)

GMM 30: L “We’re thinking about being in your debt for some amount of time.” “If you’re going to the beach and you want to be nude, you better be throwing a frisbee or a football. They cancel each other out.” “...I get right in the guy’s face...and I go, ‘What are you thinking?’” “All I knew was that my pregnant wife was in a wrastlin’ match with a football player on the beach!”

R “I think pregnant women should wear bells on beaches so when they walk they make a little jingle noise and you know when they’re coming.”

 

GMM 31: R “...They could have fit that in there. ‘Bed, Bath, Blender and Beyond.’” “Let’s be smoothie people, at least occasionally.” “Maybe the Bed, Bath and Beyond is a bureau of the government.” “You stole from me without telling me?”

L “You’re into anything that you’re not currently into.” “That’s what the ‘Beyond’ part comes into. It includes paranormal activity? It’s like Area 51 is really any part of the ‘Beyond’ section.” “I choke on purchases all the time...I feel like I need to take a nap. It paralyzes me.” “This coffee, worth every penny I didn’t pay for it.”

 

GMM 32: R “Do yourself a favor and replace the current shirt that you’re wearing.”

L “If you’re gonna ask a guy to open the hatch and he does it, woman, you better go down that slide with that baby!”

GMM 33: L “My ninth birthday party is one that I'll never forget, as much as I’d like to.” "Only men can be blind-folded.""Take off the blindfold and blow chunks everywhere." 

R "Stay out of the ball pit." "Have a birthday party inside of your heart."

GMM 34: L “You know you’re a killer action hero star if in addition to ‘Rambo’ and ‘Rocky,’ you can do a whole movie on arm wrestling.” “Pizza killer.”

R “We should do a whole movie about thumb wrestling.” “Maybe we should become screenwriters.” “I’ve always thought I had kind of a Clint Eastwood thing going.” “You get points for squinting.”

GMM 35: R “Or if you just lay around and do nothing, welcome to that week of doing nothing, doesn’t matter.” “I would consider myself a foodie, kinda, you know, like a foodie, jr.” “Would you like parmesan with that? Where’d you get your jacket at?” (story)

L “I can be a judge and a lawyer. Word up. I’m both!” “H&M, don’t worry about it. I got it covered.”

GMM 36: R “The beauty of the internet is the communication.”

L “I had an engineering degree but it had nothing to do with riding a two wheeled tricycle, or three wheeled bicycle.”

GMM 37: R “I read some comments about people bringing friends and their friends became more addicted to 'Good Mythical Morning' than they were. That's we need. We need people addicted to this. This is a good drug.” “The subtext of this story is that I was unqualified, okay.” “But it’s almost like ‘the man with the red pencil is here. Wow, he looks young.’” “HARD HAT!”

L “We want you to out-addict each other.” “Would you like to take a tour? Well, go out there and look around.”

GMM 38: R “And this is Pat, he’s our spiritual guide. He’s a great farmer and he would like to spend some time alone with your wife. That’s how cults work.” “...because there are no redos in ‘Good Mythical Morning’. It is what it is, you start the camera and you go!”

L “Sinfully Pias.” “Oh wow, it looks like a pretzel. Take a bite.”

GMM 39: L “They like us with their minds.” “If I’m a dude that had to choose only three things to be on my face, I would choose eyeballs, a bowtie and a moustache.”

R “If they called Cheetos ‘Cheese Turds,’ no one would buy ‘em.”

GMM 40: L “and we’re calling you baby.” “I will gladly be accept being an egoseismic. Wherever I go, earthquakes flee.” “I always picture the crack between my feet…” “I always picture the crack between my legs.”  “and semi-pathetic.”

R “Calling you baby cause it’s Monday.” “Put that in the Urban Dictionary, Go!” “I thought you were about to say crack between your legs. If you’re picturing that on a regular basis, you have to be some kind of crack egocentric.” “This show is sorta semi-educational.” “Once the earthquake stops, you’re on your own.”

GMM 41: L “If you ever wanted to drink coffee out of a toilet, but you couldn't pick it up, now’s your chance at Kotula’s.” “Now, I’m not an arms crossed pee’er, but this guy may be.” “Let it drop, he was doing number one not number two. It flows.” “...Make a calendar of yourself peeing in your front yard, capitalize on it!” “Think of the serendipity to see Rhett in cargo shorts.” “I’ve never seen you in cargo shorts.” “I know, but it hurts my feelings to know that I’m not on it. I’m not on street view.”

R “I’m drinking brown tinted water out of a small toilet.” “I’m making a public declaration right now. I was urinating on my front steps back in 2007 and I’m filing a suit against Google.”

GMM 42: L “Well, as you know, playing the harp makes a man sweaty.”

GMM 43: L “You dream of this harpist at night?” R “Beckoning me to join him in harp world.”

L “In all fairness, I would say, if the pole dancing lady incorporated a bunny into her routine, then I think it’s appropriate of all ages, and, uh, give me the location of your next performance. Only in L.A..”

GMM 44: R “I told your kids that, as a child, I lived exclusively in the woods.” “If you’re going to impersonate me, get the facts straight.”

L “So it’s an opinion or a perspective that is unique and mythically beastly enough to generate conversation amongst all of us.” “As a youngster, I remember my vision being impaired from the little dust sharks, I thought they were.” “For every idea, you have to evaluate against the criteria of this: How easily could this idea be used for evil.” ”See you Monday. Look at my eyebrow.”

GMM 45: L “It isn’t until you bring a two year old to Gyu Kaku that you realize that everything there is flammable!” “Or probably any restaurant.”

R “They allow questionable looking men to come in with children and surround and get around the fire.” “When the kids outnumber the parents, they shouldn’t be allowed at this restaurant.” “So what happens if you give yourself salmonella at a do-it-yourself restaurant? Who gets the bad press? You, questionable father, or restaurant owner?” “This is tricky because I think you should make eye contact with the lady while you’re putting the chicken into the pot.” “You should take out the piece of chicken, you should dip it, you should lock eyes with her and then you should feed it to her. First date!”

GMM 46: R “Welcome to a very special edition of ‘Good Mythical Morning.’” “This is also the behind the scenes video for our latest music video.” (My Hair Song) “This is the first music video that we’ve shot since we’ve been out here in California.” “If you’re a mythical beast and you’ve been a mythical beast for quite some time, you understand our sense of humor and you know that you see the fake birds and the string on purpose.”

L “We totally blew our budget on fishing line.” “I’m an official baby handler now. I’m like a baby whisperer.” “What do you think about only asking what do think questions?”

GMM 47: R “I had a short, fuzzy part that had, there’s really no appeal to this. I don’t know how I had a girlfriend at all at this point, but I had one. She must have been embarrassed to be with me.” "The ladies could not resist that little *whish*(makes whisp sound).” “...we started a band in high school.” “...we were called the Wax Paper Dogs….” “This is our bleached hair phase.” “This is the seed of the poofy-ness that I have now. I experimented with lots of things in college (laughs)... with my hair." “When I meet another man that has hair like me, I think, ‘I don’t want to talk to that guy.”

L “If a boy in grade school can have bangs, I definitely did.” “It’s like somebody grabbed the right side of my face and pushed it up before the picture.” “We had bad taste in suits, facial hair, and haircuts.” “Now, we didn’t go to the prom together.” “...make this a photo op for us, and let’s shake hands and raise one leg in the air?” “I think I’m going to go back up pretty soon.”

GMM 48: L “Okay, it’s Hair Week.” “We apologize for being so into hair and especially our own hair.” “It’s kinda hard to hide that we’re pretty obsessive about our own hair and we’re ashamed of it.” We think there is value in this, but we do acknowledge before giving you the value, the ludicrousitosity of not only speaking so much about our hair but actually caring as much as we do about our hair.” “We are our own hair stylists.” “I joined the hair cutting club for men.” “I might as well be in an electric chair, I be so scared, I be shaking.” “Every two or three weeks, I cut my own hair...cause I never want you to notice what’s happening.” “It’s such a process, I have to inform my family.” “It takes me at least three hours to cut my hair.”

R “I haven’t been to an actual barber shop or stylist since the beginning of high school.” “I’m just like a Picasso, like a Michaelangelo, with clippers on my own head.”

 

GMM 49: L “You’re thoughtful, you’re creative, you’re engaged in this world, you’re not blindly stepping through life waiting for the next thing to be thrown at you.” “If they open the back of the van to serve the ice cream, then you’re in trouble. If there’s a window on the side, you’re good to go.” “You always have the best ideas when you’re on the toilet.” “The best ideas that I have are while mowing the grass.”

R “I’m never going to reveal what my favorite color is.” “That’s part of being mythical. It’s saying, you know what? I’m going to have an opinion about Tarzan’s beard and milkmen.” (singing->) “Kids, go in the house. Stay away from that man.” “I have a lot of really good toilet ideas.”

GMM 50: R “Did you hear about Mahoney? It’s a shame.” “Mahoney, he’s a family man. And why is his name always Mahoney? Did you hear about Mahoney? Huh, that’s a bunch of bologna.” “You should shoot a gun before you die, not at someone and don’t shoot a gun right before you die. It shouldn’t have anything to do with you dying, because I think it’s difficult to have an opinion about something that you haven’t experienced.”

L “Cause it rhymes with bologna.” “The beginnings of a great cop poem.” “Shooting guns, it doesn’t excite me. In matter of fact, it raises a lot of anxiety.” “He was the only one that brought his own gun... He was the only other guy who didn’t have a friend, me and Phil. Like kickball, the last two guys picked for kickball.” “And if you don’t know what you’re doing, tell somebody and don’t just forge ahead. That’s stupid.”

 

GMM 51: L “If this is true, my name, as a word, makes people happier than your name.” “...I have never been happier in my entire life as I was in typing class in high school, and especially when I was typing with my right hand. I realized that I got really happy.” “Shout-out to Harnett Central High School.” “Do you know why the keyboard is the way it is?”

R “That may be true, but if I, as a person, make people happier than you make people, then it’s just, it’s all mood. It all balances out.” “...We took typing class on typewriters!” “We would literally be given a typewriter, an electric typewriter, and a thing of white-out.” “It would be like ‘here’s your thing of white-out, make it last all semester.’” “It never crossed our minds that this wasn’t normal that we were on typewriters because we had never been on a computer before.” “I know, because the guy who invented it, his nickname in high school was ‘QWERTY.’ (singing->) ‘They call me QWERTY.’ That sound be a song!”

GMM 52: R “‘Cause there’s a guy out there with your journal. There’s a guy out there with your deepest and darkest thoughts! “We’re seeking replacements. I don’t know when this happened, but he’s been trying to eat my flesh for weeks. Please, call your local representatives or just comment on our Facebook page, I’m looking for a new partner, and I mean like a partner on YouTube.” “You need to go to zombie school before you become a zombie.”

 

GMM 53: R “If you’re in America, you know what the ‘Sweet 16’ is...If you’re outside of America, you may be, like, ‘what, is Link turning sixteen, and we’re celebrating it?’” “When I get really excited, I start doing the barrel hold here.” “‘Wolf McLaughlin,’ that’s good, like a superhero. ‘She Wolf McLaughlin’?” “...and I’m personally offended by Jar Jar Binks.” “I think that being a fan of something is a healthy thing and I realize that it can be taken way too far...if violence if involved. But I think that there’s a healthy thing in exercising some association with something and just don’t get too excited, don’t get too disappointed if they lose.”

L “Well, I have and it was pretty sweet.” “You wanna make sure that your chest doesn’t explode out of sheer joy for the Wolfpack.” “And if it does happen, if we do beat Kansas and go to the ‘Elite 8,’ I think you may have to name your next child after, like, name him ‘Wolf’ or her ‘Wolf.’ ‘Wolf’ or ‘She Wolf.’” “When they won, I realized that I had a glow about me that is as close as I will ever get to the glow that a pregnant woman has.”

 

GMM 54: L “I love ideas that are efficient, frugal, and tasty.” “They call me MCAquaFresh.”

R “We’ve called poison control, like, seven times between the two children.” “And we’re gonna close out with Luke Miller. He says, ‘My mythical perspective: they should genetically make pocket-sized dogs or cats.’ They’ve already done that. They’re called hamsters.” “‘Pocket Cat.’ That’ll be a meme.”

 

GMM 55: R “I actually have children. I put my hands on both of their hands at the same time to figure out which one has a fever. Did you learn that in psychology school? Huh? No, you didn’t! You learned that from me, the parent!” “There’s no psychologists who watch this show. Are ya crazy?”

L “You never tell anyone how to raise their kids.”

GMM 56: R "...he doesn't partake of the news. He's against the news. He's anti-news." “I’m gonna dive seven miles into a bowl of marinara sauce.” "They say it's like three SUVs sitting on your toe, which I have experienced back in my circus days." “I would go down to the discontinuity to prove once and for all that there is a species of humanoids there that we can converse with and we can develop a relationship with. All this effort to communicate with extraterrestrial life, I’m saying it’s intraterrestrial life.”

L "No, I am for second, third, fourth and so on-hand news. I'm for that. It's the trickle down." “I’m gonna have enough money that I’ma convince people, I’ma set up my own brain laboratory and I’ma start doing brain surgeries on people, just because I have a lot of money.” “A lot of stuff happens because of accidents and I’m gonna embrace that with celebrities’ brains if they pay me enough money...”  

GMM 57: L “Woman calls 911 because of squirrel. More news at 11.”

GMM 58: L “Well, I didn’t think ‘cochineal’ was a word, but you’re throwing it around like it’s in your vocabulary toolbox.” “...'You dare me to eat the anus?'” "If you want to impress a girl, eat a worm anus.” “The way to a woman’s heart is through a worm’s anus.” (originally created by both guys, R first, L second, then L said it in whole.)

R “The most interesting time to consume an insect is in mid conversation…”

 

GMM 59: R 'We're gonna kinda chorale the Mythical Beasts, back them into a corner & make them come to a decision about something. It's more interesting."

L "Onions shouldn't taste like happiness, they should taste like onions."

 

GMM 60: L “I pity the fool who didn’t watch all the way through this episode, 'cause they’re about to miss what’s gonna happen right now!”

 

GMM 61: L  (as a kid on the tape) “‘Today I will interview a Chinese monk from the monk house of… monk.’”

R “This tape, and other tapes like it, sorta represent the beginning of our creative collaboration.” “It’s a good thing we’re not silly anymore.”

 

GMM 62: R “But that was my nickname in high school: Cement shoulders.”

GMM 63: R “When I feel tempted to touch my face, I’m just gonna give the thumbs up.”

GMM 64: L “Never fist-bump anyone who’s older than you.”

 

GMM 65: L “It makes you more droopy. You become Droopy, the cartoon character.” "...we've had the discussion, 'What if I didn't need sleep? I could accomplish so much more.' And of course, you've said that to yourself, too, because you like to accomplish things. You're mythical!" "I've never done an autopsy on anyone, but I'm pretty sure that there aren't two energy tanks in there." 

 

GMM 66: R “Hey.  Sssssss, hey. I been here the whole time. Ssssss. That’s how snakes reveal themselves.”

 

GMM 67: R “What should we call him? It’s a he. I’m going to name it after you.”

 

GMM 68: L “I love me some bus people.”

 

GMM 69: R "...I only research using Wikipedia." "...I was overwhelmed with the world of clowns." "...the consensus is, clowns are creepy especially to children." “I just don’t think clowns had a big red-footed leg to stand on.” "Hot yoga and clowns for the win!" 

R “The curtain is pulled back, so to speak, on the world of clowns. The trench coat is opened up.” L "What? What kind of clowns are you talking about?" R "Like a hobo clown, you know? Exactly." L "What? An indecent exposure clown?" “What kind of circuses did you grow up going to?”

L "I like the Wiki." "Why is your hand so sweaty?" 

GMM 70: L “...'You love Melissa Hood and deodorant!'" "He would lay on top of me, fully clothed, and he's like, 'I'm dead, I'm dead.' and then I couldn't move!" "Sincerely, I'm sorry for saying that you love Melissa Hood. I know that you liked her a little bit, but you probably didn't love her. And you ruined a perfectly good deodorant." "I didn’t purposely set him loose. I just give him the freedom he demands. He’s a grizzly, he demands freedom.”

R "....but that's the one that thing I never did. I never hit you in the face and I never hit my brother in the face." "No, I didn't like her in that way. She was just a friend." 

 

GMM 71: R “...’Tupac is bach’ is like saying that he’s a classical music composer.”

L "Dr. Dre has a basement and he hand-fashions each pair of those Dre Beats headphones. Did you know that?" R "Yes, everybody knows that." L "And now that he's got this holographic technology, he has holograms building headphones for him." R "Holographic headphones?" L "Yeah." R "That's something." L "And Snoop Dogg is also dead." 

R "It was something I was called in middle school. It was, like, a nickname. I'm really tall. Middle school." L "Um, try ladder. Ladder Man."

GMM 72: R “and I recently gave birth to a baby hippo on this show, so it kinda makes me technically a mom.”

GMM 73: L “This was before the age of cell phones, kids.  So you just can’t 'whoop out' your phone and call whoever you want.” (submitted by Sarah (RiverMouse)) “I don’t think we even owned shirts!” "Only thing I lost was my pride." "Gained a good story." 

R “Whoop it out!" "You don’t want to be like us.”

GMM 74: L “When you encounter a mythical beast, extend the R, respond with the L.”

GMM 75: R “Give me the bench cam!” "Baby, you need to be drinking the pint. Let me tell ya." "A buzz cut says, 'I'm here. I'm ready. I'm gonna take on the world. I'm gonna knock people out of the way. I'm gonna knock 'em down. I'm gonna kick 'em when they're down.'" 

L “I’ve already peed 4 times, and I,..uh.. 5.”

 

GMM 76: R “It took us ‘til 2012 to figure out what causes brain freeze.”

L “Only we can prevent brain freeze.”

GMM 77: L “...as you know, many boy bands turn evil.” “...don’t crawl on my back, Mr. Monkey...”

R “So you’re saying our problem is, there’s only two of us. If we could go back in time and add three other guys, we’d be popular. We should add three young guys. We need to get the average age of the band down to nineteen so we need three toddlers. ’Rhett & Link and Three Toddlers’ takin’ over the world!”

GMM 78: R “We don’t start over, it’s against the rules.” “I don’t have a weapon, I just have myself, but I’m deadly when I wanna be.”

GMM 79: L “....I have had poison ivy and I have slapped myself ‘cause you get crazy. You slap yourself silly.”

 

GMM 80: L “Rock singer Ozzy Osbourne funded the rebuilding of the ‘I’.” R “Is this another one?” L “Yeah.” R “True.” L “There’s not even an ‘I’ in the sign! (laughs) I got him!” R “Yeah, there is. ‘Hollywoid.’”

L “We should have a mythical meetup at the top of Mount Lee. We should set a date and all mythical beasts who want to hike to the top of the Hollywood sign, we should meet up there. And it should be the year 3000.”

R “In the year 3000, meet us there at 1 am, July 17.”

GMM 81: R “Did I tell you that I know everything? Have I told you that?”

L “You have told me that. I haven’t yet bought it. I’m not buying what you’re selling.” “I had thrown the gum up there and hit my own girlfriend!” “Missy, I’m sorry. It was me who threw the gum in your hair and you should have dumped me right then.”

GMM 82: R “...when research begins happening, my ears perk up.” L “We happen with research.”

R “My grandma slapped me all the time.”

R “I’m not looking for a job. Well, actually, I am looking for a job, but we can talk about that later.” L “Oh.”

R “You use a loofa?” L “Let’s not share that.”

L “If you wanna date someone, don’t say ‘drop it.’” “Don’t show teachers your junk!”

GMM 83: R “Coke is really experimenting these days with their sponsorships.” "Dance in public. It's good for your soul." (submitted by Sarah (RiverMouse))

L “It’s as if she had magnets in her ankles that connected with the center of the earth.” “This is the most memorable dancing experience that I think I’ve ever had.”

GMM 84: R “Yeah, I think if you can be so creative as to figure out how to flavor something with an anal gland from a beaver, you get points for that even if it’s no longer done.”

GMM 85: R “Link is a pretty smart guy. He’s not as smart as I am, but he is smarter than the average person, and he makes really awesome observations.”

L “See, I’m not full of what you are, which is two letters. One’s a ‘B’ and one’s an ‘S’. I’m full of things that are true. T’s and S’s. True stuff.”

GMM 86: R “It’s one of my many talents, but it’s the one I am the best at is making squirrel noises.” “My mom follows my tweets, by the way. She doesn’t follow you. I tried to get her to follow you.” “We’re not a family of hunters and we’re not going to carry on the hunting tradition.” “I would shoot squirrels...and birds and rabbits from my bedroom window.” “My brother killed a rabbit one time and we ate the thing for dinner.”

GMM 87: R “‘Uber McLaughlin.’ That’s my next kid.”

L “I think I can safely say we are addicted to not exercising. I’m really hooked on that.”

GMM 88: *Note: Labeled as GMM 83 in the video description.

R “I got an iPad.” L “No need to apologize for that.” R “For getting an iPad?” L “Yeah, well, actually, you probably should. Just apologize.” R “I’m sorry, you know, whatever. It’s pretentious. I’ve got an iPad.”

R “I like to see my creative output as a forest. I’m planting little creative trees.”

L “My art always had a point and this piece was to educate children not to stoop down in front of a school bus.” “...if you’re riding on a school bus that’s ten times normal size, don’t stoop down in front of it!” “You were mythologizing my life.”

R “Link, my creativity is like a forest. It knows no bounds. It’s a forest growing out of control. There are no borders to this forest. It has shrubbery. It has bushes. It has large trees. It has little squirrels!” L “And only I can prevent forest fires, so take that as you will.”

GMM 89: L “Portal. They should have called it that: The one ball and the two things.” “I think the best video game ever is Super Mario Bros.” "That's what they called me in middle school, 'Hey, Game Genie.'" "Our friendship was based on 'Contra.'"

R “I think the best video game ever is the first Legend of Zelda, the original Legend of Zelda.” "I specifically remember thinking that I have found why I was created."

GMM 90: L “I think a great movie is the one that you not only enjoy when you’re watching it, but when you reflect upon it later, it gets better. I hope that when people reflect upon the conversations that we engender here, that your thoughts about them continue to blossom. I’ll be over here if you need me.” (walks off camera) “Don’t pin me down!”

R “I love being alone and I can totally see myself living a cave in Utah.”

 

GMM 91: L “If I’m gonna draw a superhero on DeviantArt, that’s who it’s gonna be. It’s gonna be a veterinarian named Spade Neutero.” “Well, whenever I go to downtown Cleveland, I always think I’m in downtown Germany.”

R “Hulk smash cake!”

 

GMM 92: L “Take a break from doing what you don’t wanna be doing so you can be do this with us! Thank you!” “Eighty percent of our budget is just fabric.”

R “I mean, I am like a scientist sometimes. Like, ninety-nine percent of the time, but I was peaking at this point.” “I will not lose my phone. I will not lose my phone. That’s the mantra you say while on the manta.”

R “Moral of the story is..” L “Don’t put a case on your iPhone.” R “And definitely put the phone in your pockets when you ride on the mantra.”

GMM 93: L “A key for our survival is that you pay our corporate credit card.” “You can do it. You can live. I’ll be there with you.”

R “What do you do if you’re being attacked by the black bear?” L “Call the grizzly bear.”

GMM 94: R “Put that on your speaker-belt!”

GMM 95: L “The only thing more frustrating than teaching a kid to ride a bike is putting lights on a Christmas tree.” “I mean, it is one of the most frustrating things because you can’t explain it. You just have to experience it.”

GMM 96: R “Now, this got me to thinking that there are two types of people in the world, okay? L “The types that throw rocks through McDonald's and the types who don't.” R “No, the types that throw bricks and the types that throw large pieces of concrete.” “But I think that if you have that inclination, a picky-eating inclination, you’re gonna be picky about other things in your life.” “That’s why you do more of the editing and more of the very detailed editing with the stuff that we work on.” “I don’t feel like I’m being dominated at all the more I think about it.”

L “Yeah, I’ll eat sauce and I’ll eat ketchup, but I don’t like tomatoes…” “I have an opinion about things that impact me personally. If something impacts me personally, I’m gonna develop an opinion about it and as to optimize my experience.” “I don’t like bananas in anything.” “I’m dead.”

GMM 97: L “The zebra gets to see the world. Doesn’t that make you feel good, Rhett?” “I hope he doesn’t pick up an bad habits.” “...I will say that there’s potential for a Dope Zebra sequel.” “I would never have done it if I didn’t think it was gonna be that awesome.”

R “...I would have never in a million years guessed that that much could happen from a two person zebra suit dancing in my backyard.”

GMM 98: L “None of my epiphanies are disposable, but all of my cameras when I was sixteen were disposable." “It was fun to make believe that we were directing each other and that we were professional photographers.” “I mean, if our parents had found these photos, there’s a number of things that they could have easily have concluded.”

R “In the back of our mind, we thought you go to the local library and they would put art photos on display, like ‘the most amazing photos ever taken by Harnett County residents: The Flower Series with Rhett and Link.’ It’s scary!” “Were you trying to tell me something? Yeah, that you wanted to ‘off’ me?” “There was a theme, man. You wanted to kill me!” “I thought I was a back model.”

GMM 99: L “Visit the new rhettandlink.com to see it all unfold.” R “It’s unfolding?” L “It unfolds on a daily basis over there.” R “Like origami being disassembled. It’s what our website is.” L “That’s a sad word picture.”

L “We’re becoming one superbrain, a collective brain.” “You don’t have to be a shape-shifter to be whatever you want. Your dreams can come true. You can realize your true potential, especially if you are a shape-shifter.” “Spaghetti Fingers and Butter Hands.” “I wanna be the one guy on earth who can open that one jar nobody can open because...it feels so good.” “You’ve heard it here, people. Rhett wants to be a good looking girl. For his ‘career.’”

R “My superpower is discouragement.”

GMM 100: L "This is like a family time, a family time of celebration." "We couldn't do all the other things we do as well as this show without Mr. Jason Inman." "You are our loved ones." 

R “We have a strong Scandinavian contingency.” “Fart Sake. That’s when you trap a fart in a bottle.” "You break ground and you blaze a trail. You don't blaze ground, that's like burning down a forest." 

Jason: "I can't skip a single minute of 'Good Mythical Morning.'" "I wanna see you in episode 500." 

GMM 101: R “Your memories are tainted by yourself.”

GMM 102: R (singing) “Rub some bacon on it. Join my frat. Rub some bacon on it. You won’t regret. Rub some bacon on it.” “We thought we were going to have to get the jaws of life to get Link out.”

GMM 103: R “You have to get to the Roomba before you get to, like, the robot butler.” “Robot technology is moving at a frustratingly slow pace, as far as I’m personally concerned. I’m frustrated about it. I want a robot butler!”

L “I love those things. They’re stepping stones. Literally, you can step on ‘em.” “When robots can babysit my kids, then we know we’ve arrived ‘cause there’s nothing more difficult than that.”

 

GMM 104: L “We look at comments, too, though ‘cause they’re all special. And you’re special. Don’t think you’re not special.” (silly voice->) “I got an engineering degree only because I used to play with the Legos.”

R “My uncle was killed by nerf gun.” “My first toy ever was a teddy bear though.” R “It was like your house was a Lego store, and he wouldn’t even let me play with ‘em!”

L “Stuffed animals, to me, I don’t consider them a toy.” R “Yeah, they’re just friends.”

GMM 105: R “I need weed seeds. Where’s the weed seeds section?" “Dandelion seeds. The hottest item in Lillington. Or Anger...”

L “Convenience always trumps theft in your house.”

GMM 106: L “When I eat yogurt now, I feel like I’m being pile-drived.” “One does not simply give a c-section to a man.”

GMM 107: L “Play my fingers. It’s time to feel alive!”

R “Play the ol’ finger piano.”

 

GMM 108: L “I think that she was apologizing for, you know, the state that your body was in. ‘I’m so sorry that you look like that.’” “People are looking for an excuse to cook a pig.” “I think that pork makes you angry.”

R “Well, in North Carolina, you’re not a man, technically, unless you can cook a whole hog.” “Enjoy the real meat until all we have is lab meat.” “Barbeque is something that you enjoy, it’s not something that you do. You have a cookout. If you just have a grill, and you gonna put some burgers on it, that’s a cookout, people. Share that message to people before it’s too late.”

 

GMM 109: L “You know you’ve got a bad tattoo when you’re ashamed to show it to your cat.” “I think if you play a guitar, the coolest tattoo is to tattoo your fingers and your hand and your entire forearm so that when you play your guitar, when you hold the guitar and the way that your hand will be at rest, it blends in with your guitar.” “...so that then when you’re playing, your arm disappears.”

 

GMM 110: R “Being disrespected by your father-in-law. That’s fun.” L “That’s very American to do that.”

R “Take pride in the little things.” “I’m not giving you a fishing pole during the commencement address.”

L “You don’t feel worse than when you’ve injured your own child.” “I said, ‘I’m sorry, son. You forgive me?’” He said, ‘Well next time we go fishing, I’m gonna wear a helmet.’” “He said, I’m definitely not taking you hunting.’ Don’t give this guy a gun.” “Security gets very suspicious when you have spinning things.”

GMM 111: R "I recall nothing from French class." 

L "Studying French tends to make me very sleepy, so I remember being very sleepy and sleeping." "It's a series of people trying to teach me lessons that I'm never getting. It's just not getting through." "Don't blow your hibiscus. Is that a part of the body?"

GMM 112: R “I like to wear jerseys. You guys know that, I wear jerseys all the time.” “...I hold the single season record, my senior year, I hit seventy-seven three pointers.” “I challenge you, Harnett Central High School basketball players, to break my record!” “Bring that style back.”

L “...in middle school, I kept score for the women’s basketball team. That’s how good I was at basketball.” “If you were gonna take a scholarship somewhere, that was probably going to dictate where I went college and keep score.”  “It’s easy to meet the ladies.” “We love your shoulder pads, mom.”

L “And I think that’s a record. Two goals with the off foot of a soccer player, who’s never- and you know what? And someone who, after that day, never scored a goal the rest of his career or life as a human being. That was it. Two goals in one game. Never a goal before and never a goal after. Beat that, Harnett Central soccer players at this time in your life. Beat that.”

R “In that timeframe, by a person who hasn’t played that position before. You hold that record. It’s unofficial, but you hold it.”

GMM 113: L “‘Well, it sure will be nice when they make this road four lanes.’” “Having game is not a good thing. You just need to have a good wife. End of story. I love you, Christy. She’s my wife.”

GMM 114: L “There’s nothing like camping on a cow pie.” R “It makes a nice pillow.” L “…there’s nothing like waking up with a cow crapping right next to you.” 

L “The cows in Harnett County never sleep.” “Put that on a bumper sticker if you’re proud of Harnett County.” 

L “…but I heard the man say, ‘You’ve got to the count of ten to get off of my land.’ And then, I heard the shotgun cock. No lie.” “And then he goes, (both R&L) ’One, two, TEN!’…”

L “…thanks to everyone from here who helped make us who we are today. You’re all special…”

GMM 115: R "Oh, you're curious about me again, huh? After all these years, you're curious about me again."

L “The newness of being in a familiar place creates curiosity amongst friends.” (R- put that on a t-shirt) 

“If at first you don’t succeed, I suggest you don’t try skydiving.”

GMM 116: R “We’re on a path to weird-dom. Both you and I. We’re on a roller coaster to weird-dom, brother. We’re on a one-way roller coaster that doesn’t go back up. We are falling into the pit of weird-dom.” “We’re on the train to weirdo land.”

GMM 117: L “...we’re getting weirder by the day and the thoughts that we have are pretty weird.” “When you think, your brain grows and if you think too much, you die.”

R “I can make a duck out of soup. Wanna see what else I can do?” L “Compress a lady.”

L “You know what happens when we promise a sequel.” R “Yeah, we don’t ever do it.”

GMM 118: L “We have this- what is it- family, yeah. It’s a wife and a couple of kids and we got-” R “I call it a pod. People pod is what I call it.”

L “In order to truly appreciate something, you have to experience it.” “Now, I’ve never gardened before, but it’s pretty easy to imagine...how tough it is to shape a bush into a slinky...I call it a slinky bush.”

R “I think the first step to appreciation is understanding and the second step to really appreciating is experiencing. Put that on a bumper sticker…”

GMM 119: R “Who’s Wiki? Is that like a German girl named Viki?” L “No, Wikipedia.” R “You should talk to Wiki more because you seem smart when you go talk to Wiki.” L “I just shouldn’t talk to ‘em, I should continue reading but not credit them.” R “Are you dating her?” L “It’s a website. I’m-” R “I picture a German girl named Viki that you call Wiki.”

GMM 120: L “It’s human to keep your word.”

R “People should just share stuff more.”

GMM 121: L “Do not adjust the train! The train need no adjustment!”

GMM 122: R “You don’t want to be a furry. Trust me.”

GMM 123: L “You don’t have to watch this show. You don’t have to watch it everyday or whatever, but we’re glad that you do. We do this for you and for us. We do it for us. Mostly for us, but then some for you. If you like it, we’re doing it for you and us.” “High in starch is what we’re saying.”

R “You should though.” “Yeah, let’s be honest. We do it for all of us. It’s like a family. It’s like a commune. This show is like a potato that we grow together and then we eat a little bit and they eat a little bit.” “We make a potato together every single day and give them a little bit of it.” “I was dreaming and like many of my dreams, Link, you were there. I think this is a sign that we spend too much time together…” “My goal is to get to a place where I’m actually working while dreaming so I can just sleep during the day.”

R “You don’t get to take credit for things that Dream Link does.” L “Well, I’m glad to know that at least your perception of me in dreamworld is as a winner.”

GMM 124: L “I’ve never watched a complete episode of The Simpsons.’” “And you’re leaving, let’s continue. I’m going to take full advantage of this, people. Jason, lock the door.”

“My favorite cartoon character, I’m just going on a limb, it’s not Skeletor, Wakko from Animaniacs.”

GMM 125: L "It implies force that I'm not comfortable with." “You just admitted to being potty-trained.” "I didn't know we both were gonna do that." “I sleep with reckless abandon. Put that on a t-shirt." "Our lives are awkward." 

R "...you do not want to take a shower right after somebody has taken a number two, especially after Link has taken a number two." “We call that ‘The Hotel Dance.’” “I have been repeatedly spooned by this man.”

GMM 126: L “My back talks like Skeletor!” “Hey baby, you look like exercise. What’s up. What’s up.” “Hey, concept of fitness. You look hot.”

GMM 127: R “We all die, not necessarily from fireworks accidents.”

GMM 128: R “When your kid craps his pants at my house, I just let it sit until you come pick him up.” “Only you can prevent forest fires and large families.” (about Lando->) “He’s always a winner. He’s two. He craps his pants, but he’s still a winner.”

 

GMM 129: L “I can’t believe it’s coming to a close.” “Difference is good and then sameness is good so we’re going to give you both of that in equal measure over time, etcetera, what and else. You know exactly what I’m saying.” R “Like salt and pepper.”

SEASON TWO

GMM 130: R “You probably cheated on us with other vloggers and internetainers around the web and that’s okay, just as long as you are back and you are- Well, I don’t forgive you.” “I’m gonna give you a second chance. If you will now stay committed to us, then maybe, season three, I’ll feel better about it.” “Well, I thought you meant ‘bifurcated’ ‘cause that would also be a word. Making something in two.” "The Cauldron of Creativity (TM), I'm stirring it over there on our main channel..." "I get emotional about the Olympics." "Women's gymnastics really just gets me right there in the soul." 

L "I vifurtated my tongue with my teeth." "It's weird when your tongue itches."

GMM 131: L “‘Cause only in dreams can we understand what we really desire...”

R “Why are you always with me in my dreams?” L “I’m your protector.”

GMM 132: L “I’m prepared to invest in internetainment with you as my comedic partner, yeah, creative endeavorment, until 65.” “From 65-100, I’m just gonna be a professional grandfather.”

R “I will internetain with you until 75. What? Dude, this is a good thing we got going! You can’t quit at 65. We’re gonna live ‘til 200!” L “I’ll give you til 70. Let’s meet in the middle. I gotta be a professional grandfather.” “What are the chances that me and you become monster truckers?!”

GMM 133: L “If you don’t want that shirt, what’s your problem?” “I remember literally praying to God, when every person came up to bat, that the ball would not be hit to me.”

R “Most people are people in general, by the way. Put that on a bumper sticker.” (telling his son:) “Don’t become an internetainer. We don’t need the competition.” "When the other kids screw up, I'm like 'Yesss' and my wife is like 'be quiet, I'm not going to sit next to you anymore.'"

GMM 134: L “The first person who comes to my mind when I think about a bald person, Howie Mandel.”

R “I am scared of Dr. Phil. I have been for quite some time. I would not want to meet that man on the street. I do not want to cross that man.”

GMM 135: L “Can you just burp the ABC’s and then shut up?” “That could be a great t-shirt, though. ‘I am a master belcher.’” “I don’t know how to swallow air.” “Boy, this is entertainment. This is the height of Rhett & Link entertainment.” “I’m just too smart.”

R “I don’t know if this is going to be a ructus or a flatus.” L “I think it’s also a Van Halen song. Who knew that was about belching.”

R “I actually have burped in my nose, which is very unpleasant.”

 

GMM 136: L “I’ve never ran out of gas or run out of gas. I’ve never lost all my gas without getting more gas.”

R “Compromise. If we’re about to run out of gas, if it’s below half and I’m driving, I’m filling it up, for your safety. Now, if you don’t reciprocate, and that’s a good word, I’m not doing it anymore.” L “I’m okay with that. I’m okay with both those things.” “When I approach intersections, I always try to find the cop and the tow truck and try to get right in between ‘em.”  “Keep your tank at least half full. You’re gonna thank me.”

 

GMM 137: L (about playing trumpet) “But I did not play in high school because I became a soccer star and a ladies’ man.” “Benny Enzor, you changed our lives.” (spelling?) “Pick up an instrument, people. Make it happen.”

R “Don’t let anyone get any video tape your early performances.”

GMM 138: L “When you lose the internet, you learn about yourself.” “I’m learning things about myself that are dark that I probably shouldn’t be sharing in this environment.” “I’m going out on you. You replaced my router and now, you gonna suffer, boy. You gonna suffer. You gonna suffeerrrr.” “I wanna apologize to all the children out there, including my own, for being such a bad example.” “It makes me a horrible person. I’m being facetious. I feel dark and indebted to this technology that I need to break free from, but I just can’t do it. I’m an addict.”

R “I like the way you work. You’re a good friend.” L “I’m trying. Thanks for that. We’re opening new doors here.”

R “Wireless electricity’s my favorite thing. I got a wireless haircut the other day. Did I tell you about that?” L “No you didn’t. You’re scaring the pudding out of me!”

GMM 139: L “Ladies and gentlemen, the 14 year-old versions of Rhett & Link. This is our minds on paper in an autobiographical screenplay we titled, ‘Gutless Wonders.’”

R “I feel 14 again.” L “Yeah. Me too.”

L “Mercy!” R “Big sweaty hands for the win!” L “You’re still a loser in life.”

GMM 140: R “You know what happens when you assume. You make an assu out of me and you make a nothing out of…”

L "We can go to a place, a land filled with hard woods and round...balls!...A bowling alley! "

GMM 141: L “We’re the medieval torture device of the internet.” “Dig into me about the ribbing.” “Whenever I really need to go pee, I find myself not blinking and then when I actually pee, I blink a whole lot. It happens at the same time, like I’m peeing and blinking, peeing and blinking.” “Close your eyes first if you’re gonna put your head up your own hee-haw.”

R “I like Australians.”

L “How many rainbows have you chased? R “Every time I see one.” L “You just chase it.” R “I go for it.” L “Pot of gold, baby.” R “Yeah.” L “I’m going for it.” R “Yeah.”

 

GMM 142: L “Enemies become friends when adding the element of ‘Good Mythical Morning.’ Theory, just a theory.” “First of all, don’t call me son.” “You can call me son if I can have your inheritance.”

L “I love that you’re personally offended by me not being attracted to women wearing red.” R “You don’t think red is a more attractive color?” L “No.” R “Are you sure you’re a man?” L “Uh, yes. Very sure. 100% positive, son.”

(wheel ending)

 

GMM 143: L “We love ‘em for it, humans. Way to go!” “I said ‘heiarchy’ for a long time. Then I looked at how it was written. I stared at it and went crazy. Hierarchy. I’m going crazy!”

L “People in the comments have also said that I have a lisp.” R “You do.” L “which I- what?”

GMM 144: R “All the barbers hear your thoughts.” L “Yes. All barbers should.”

R “What are you doing later?” L “ Well, I’m just going to the bath, you know. The Roman bath. It’s kind of awkward in there, you know? Have you ever thought about how awkward those Roman baths are that we go to all the time?” R “I go to the one where we wear speedos.”

L “Have you been flexing all the time because my bust needs to be flexed.”

GMM 145: L “When things are going bad, get the coffee and get the ibuprofen.” “If you were shot in the face, don’t go on the internet or eHow or to our channel on YouTube, go to the emergency room.”

R “Forums, I love ‘em.” “I once ate through my nose for a week.” “The mouth joint is done, my friend.”

R “I can swallow macaroni whole.” L “What’s a macaroni hole?”

GMM 146: L “You are special. We like to think we’re special and this is a special gathering.” “We’re definitely known as party animals.” “I pervasively pump when I party.” “I enter conversations guns-a-blazin’!” “May I cut in?” “Making conversations less awkward one conversation at a time.”

R “Peter Piper picked a pervasive people party.”

GMM 147: R “He died sustaining himself only on the- L “-eggs of eagles. “He’s a true American.” R “The most patriotic way to go out: eating baby eagles.”

GMM 148: R “If you see us out somewhere and you watch ‘Good Mythical Morning’ or anything we’ve done, don’t be shy, just come up. Let’s talk, let’s have a conversation. Let’s get a picture!” “When we were kids, they at least added water to the waterslides!”

L “Don’t tell me what I remember. I’ll tell you what I remember.” “Somebody make a sign! This is not happening again! How do you spell diarrhea?”

GMM 149: R “It would be so bad that it might be good.”

R “And here we see the wild untamed Link. He only comes down from the tree every two weeks to defecate.”

GMM 150: R “You make a great toddler. I’ve always thought that.”

L “I know what it’s like to eat your own shoe. That’s what dreams can do for you.”

GMM 151: R “How does it feel to be flanked by us?” “We could charge money for people to be flanked by us.”

Chuck Testa: “Unless anyone’s really been flanked by you two guys, they have no idea what it’s like to be in the middle.” “Or you could do a prize at a show or something: Win a free flanking.”

L “Dream about me and I’ll give you a flare gun.”

GMM 152: L “Yep, I spend in fishy ways, but it’s me. It’s me.” “Good ol’ Al G. Orithm. He’s a friend of mine.”

R “When I go to White Castle, I go all out.”

 

GMM 153: R “I’ve been pulled over at least one dozen times before that point that I was pulled over with you and I’ve never gotten a ticket until last year...”

L “...I’ve gotten, no exaggeration, probably 15 traffic tickets, I’m not talking parking tickets, either, I’m talking moving violations over the course of my driving career and I’ve never once gotten out of a ticket.” R “‘Cause you don’t know the secret.” L “Well, I’m smart enough to know there is no secret.” R “There is a secret and I’m about to reveal it to you.”

GMM 154: L “That’s my favorite line in the whole ‘Gutless Wonders’ so far. ‘Thanks, Professor Mac. I don’t know what we would do without you.’” R “‘Hopefully, you will use the bathroom without me.’”

GMM 155: R “Your speeches are good, Link. You should be a politician.” L “Really? I don’t have any political views. That’s my problem, though.”

R (about Honey Boo Boo show->) "I was born in the same place where the show takes place. L "Macon, Georgia." 

R "It hit me as I was watching this show...this could have been me. I could be Chickadee's baby." L "Because also, as a youngster, you entered yourself into many beauty pageants." 

L "Hey little kids, come over to the back of my van! I got some taffy? You want some taffy? I can't say taffy correctly 'cause I don't have any teeth. I only have gums." "Ima gum your finger for 50 cent. Put your finger in there, boy. Let me gum your finger, I'll give ya some free taffy." R “If you’re gumming little kid’s fingers though, I think they call the cops.”

R "Bring your newborns!" 

GMM 156: L “There are no limits in how you can enjoy ‘Good Mythical Morning’ as long as you enjoy it.”

R “That was an album that Michael Jackson that never got made.” Both: “Sequin of Events.” L “The lost songs of Michael Jackson.”

 

GMM 157: R (singing->) “To all the girls we’ve loved before.”

L “Well, my name is Link and I’m here to say, I love Fruity Pebbles in a major way.” R “My name is Rhett and I’m here to say, I really like waffles. In fact, I had them today.”

L “If I had on a wig, it would be outing itself.” “My wig would be outing itself.”

R “But I specifically remember, I would realize I was dreaming, and I’d be like ‘I’m gonna fly to Holly’s house’ or ‘I’m gonna fly to Lisa Johnson’s house.’ Fly! I’m gonna fly to their house!’ L “And then what?” R “Never made it. I always dropped into the pine trees or I got...I would get to the door, her mom would answer and I would be like, ‘Is Holly home?’ And she’d be like, ‘You can’t see Holly.’ So, it was like I was shutting myself down in my dreams.”

L “I ultimately got a wife who I was very interested in and is still very interested in.” R “You got one?” L “Yeah, I got one. I got a wife.” R “Good for you!” L “I got a Christy. I got the Christy model of wife. She’s great. I recommend that type of women for everybody.” R “I don’t think that’s how it works, either.” L “Oh, yeah I didn’t purchase her.”

GMM 158: L “I’ve always said, from the time I was a youngster, I’ve always said, the difference between a man and a woman is the direction you look when you see roadkill.” “We went to the beach a few months ago and of course, he goes to Myrtle Beach because that’s where men go. They go to Myrtle Beach, dangit.” "I'm like a woman going through menopause. That's how manly I am right now."

GMM 159: L “Well, we’re saying you should make it.”

R “A Kommunity building exercise could be bringing ‘Gutless Wonders’ to life, finishing ‘Gutless Wonders,’ filling in the blanks of ‘Gutless Wonders,’ however you wanna do it. We’re just saying, you know what, mythical beasts-” L “Have at it.” R “Just take this, this thing that, this accident of history that we created as kids, take it and make it your own and do what you want with it.”

GMM 160: R “Leslie was my first girlfriend.” L “And my first girlfriend.”

R “I missed you that year.” L “We were still friends.” R “We drifted apart though. You made other friends. I made other friends.” L “Well, yeah, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?” R “But now, we’re back together again.” L “What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? You’re not gonna do anything. You just cope with it.” R “I’m glad we’re back together, Link.”

L “The knee touching courtship by Rhett.” “I mean, once you get past the height and the knee touching and the bravado, she’s gonna see right through that, she’s gonna start looking over to Mrs. Campbell's (spelling?) class….to the master of ceremonies. That’s me. I call myself that.”

R “I put my arm around her and then she put her arm around me like this.” L “Really?” R “And then we clasped hands. Yeah, like this.” L “Why am I doing this? Why am I being her?” R “Because there’s nobody else here except Jason and you’re sitting next to me.” 

GMM 161: R “I’m a genius. I’m like a computer. I’m kinda like Google. My brain is like Google.”

L “Ima backdrop you if you don’t like my background information.”

 

GMM 162: (singing->) R “Hello, darling.” L “Hello, darling.” R “It’s nice to see ya.” Both: “It’s been a long-” R “time.” R “I can tell you’ve never been this far before.”

R “Message in a bottle rocket. There’s an idea. Doesn’t last very long.” “Let’s do a Mythical Time Capsule. We’re starting, re-starting Friday Means Mail, which actually it’s going to be Thursday Means Mail, right?”

GMM 163: Both singing: “You know what day it is. It’s Thursday and Thursday means mail.” (first one!!)

GMM 164: L “...thanks to the forum within the Kommunity,...you, mythical beasts who wrote over there, decided the name of the cockatrice. He is now called ‘Belvedere’, congratulations to Gumbo123.” “I’m not good at just staying up all night.”

R “It smells like a tree dipped in dumpster juice.” “Ya know, my father-in-law looked into having Lionel Richie perform at my wedding reception.” “I think at least 100K just to come and perform.”

GMM 165: R “I love doing things backwards. It’s so regressive.”

L “I’m talking to you on the phone. That’s what you wanted. Can you take it from here?”

R “Leslie could go with anybody she wanted to go with and she just chewed men up and spit ‘em out. Both of us.” L “Look at us, people. Spat out!”

GMM 166: L “I feel like I’m going crazy. This is driving me nuts."

GMM 167: R “I’m not trusting myself and that makes me a psychopath.”

GMM 168: R “That’s pretty much all it is. It’s pictures if you haven’t noticed. Puppets and pictures.”

GMM 169: L “You keep talking about dating and your girlfriends. Why do you guys keep talking about your girlfriends?” R “Is that your commenter voice?” L “Commenter voice. I hijacked it.”

R “So, what I’m telling you as someone who’s been through it. Just hold off. Hold those emotions a little bit tighter. You don’t need to have a serious relationship in middle school!”

L “We won the lottery!!!!”

GMM 170: R “We stopped, in almost a magical way, at the same time.” “Enter the world of YouTube. You know you’re not gonna get hurt. No matter what your parents say. Oh, should I not have said that? Talk to your parents first and then argue with them and tell them that you should have a YouTube channel.”

GMM 171: R “Is there DNA in poop? L “Of scourse.”

GMM 172: L “This here’s a jam for all the fellas. Try to do what those ladies tell us.” R “Get knocked down cause you’re overzealous. Play hard to get, females get jealous.”

R “I think the real world application on this is everyone should have a baby animal screensaver, everyone should have a baby animal wallpaper on your phone, everybody should maybe get their friends in their life to wear baby animal t-shirts. Could you do that for me? I will wear baby animal t-shirts around you if you’ll wear ‘em around me.” “Think about how productive we would be if we just, let’s do a kitten wallpaper in here”. L “That’s a good animal.” R “Let’s make Jason dress up like a baby animal.” L “But let’s not.”

R “This wheel is not only mythical, it is magical.”

GMM 173: R “Never go to an Alabama concert with the two of us.”

L “...I collect Merle Haggard albums.” “If you send us anything Merle Haggard related to us, we will love you forever, just like I love Crystaline (spelling?) forever.”

GMM 174: L “You’re a male, you’re with another male, you’re in front of a ladder that leads to a hatch. You know, there’s no discussion.” "I was spanked a couple of times as a kid.” “and I deserved it. And I'm in favor of it." “No, I’m in favor of it for myself, back then.”

R “There was no getting away from my dad. He was in control.” “Long story short, I bent over and I received maybe two very brisk reps of the belt.” “You, unlike me, you were never spanked, which explains a lot. It’s why you’re not well-behaved. It’s why you’re a loose cannon.  "Really? Okay, let's make that another episode."

GMM 175: R “My dad used to call you ‘The Linkster.’”

R “It’s a 1992 Ford Bronco.” L “Now, I wasn’t entirely open to getting a new vehicle but once I saw the picture, I was like, ‘yes. This is awesome.’ I don’t care what condition it’s in. It’s two different colors of dookie brown. We bought it.”

R “You should get a 20 year old vehicle and you should take it to the top of a mountain and see what happens. Live a little bit!” L “Yeah, and if it’s two different colors of brown, that’s better.”

GMM 176: L “There’s no bonding like bonding over snow cones.” “Number 3 is when you’re sitting on the toilet just so you can be on your phone.” “I’ve got 3 kids back th-, I turn around and look at ‘em and you know what they look like? They look like dead fish on the shore of a polluted pond just waiting for me to resuscitate them with the life-giving breath of a father’s love.” “My kids will knock on the door to the bathroom and say, ‘Get off your phone!’ That’s bad.”

GMM 177: R “So I’m like, ‘what have I gotten myself into?’ I’m saying, ‘what am I supposed to do? You sold me a car from a dead dude that owns the car! What am I-I’ve got this Bronco! You’ve spent the money! What do I do?’” “‘Now, worse case scenario, this is a stolen vehicle.’"

GMM 178: L “Oh yeah, you’re right. With a wooden nipple, you can definitely fly. Go for it! Three, two, one.” R “Ahhhhh.” L “Nope, couldn’t fly.”

GMM 179: L “I shame many of you people who call it a ‘binky’. What is that? It’s shameful! It’s a pacifier or a ‘paci.’”

R “Link is the one who keeps things. Link is the one who kept this Gutless Wonders script, who probably, you do have that bunny somewhere at your house. I don’t keep anything, but for some reason, I still have Teddy, the teddy bear that I was given in 1977.”

GMM 180: R “I recall, not kidding, one day, I killed nine flies inside my house in like a ten minute span. Now, let me explain to you, killing flies is something that I take pride in. I don’t respect flies, I don’t believe in fly rights. If you believe in fly rights, sorry. You’re not gonna be my friend or at least, you can watch me kill a fly in your presence and hopefully be okay.” “I bought a flytrap. Something I never thought a McLaughlin would do because I consider myself THE flytrap...I’m the enforcer, I’m the punisher, I’m the fly punisher.”

L “Where flies are is where the fun’s at. Put that on a t-shirt.”

GMM 181: L “I’ve got all types of kids at all types of ages.” “I was an anxious child...I felt safest on the couch.”

R “If I happen to be in North Carolina and smell cherry Skoal, I get sick in my stomach and I think about that.”

GMM 182: L “Moving at the speed of conversation. Mythical beasts watching from many nations.” R “Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine. It is impossible to live without a spleen.”

L “So then Coles goes, he holds the phone like this and he goes, he holds it up to me and he goes, ‘Link, it’s your mom. Lie!’”

R “Weep with us. Let’s weep together.” L “Boy, this is special.”

GMM 183: L “Rhett & Link yard art. That’s a whole new frontier for our store.”

R “I’m fancy, Link!”

GMM 184: L “The rush of being a hero is amazing. I love it!”

GMM 185: L “That’s what I wanna be in life, an awesome talker.”

GMM 186: R “I’m volunteering to be your sidekick because I don’t think there’s ever been a 6 foot 7 sidekick.”

R “Traffic Man and Cone Boy.”