Rhett & Link Quotes, GMM 814-967

(Sept 19 2016)

First post & GMM 1-181, GMM 182-369, GMM 370-520, GMM 521-666, GMM 667-813, GMM 968-Current

GMM 814: R "Do you have any tips for me going into this next round?" Miranda Sings "Yeah, don't be really bad." 

L "I'm batting' cling up here." “McPapaRomPom, that’s my artist name.”

GMMore: Miranda "How are you going to get what you want if you don't sit on the man's lap?" 

R "That is the currency with Santa is lap-sitting." 

L “I want some fancy panties...”

GMM 815: L “If your eyeballs and your nipples are made out of the same thing, you got bigger problems than worrying about the temperature rising.” “Charleston, where it all goes south.”

R “And then right after I bowl, things get a little weird sometimes.” "Nobody said that you could put boobs in my bird shirt."

GMMore: R "We don't touch teeth from other families."

L "Jen makes us fight all the time."

GMM 816: R “It’s a bacterial buffet. That’s what’s happening in your pits. That’s what smells.” “You responded like you tasted soup. Mmm.” “I wore a tank top again, Chase.” “That’s the worst smell that has come out on this entire thing, man.”

L "Let me read the ingredients...old paint."

GMMore L “This is what’s it like being a dad.” “I’m not your son, I’m your left side.”

R " We’re double-fisting this burger." “We got too many balls in this family.”

GMM 817: R "We're letting the seizure out of the bag, Oliver Stone! We know this was your first film and we think it's great! We think the movie poster's great and we're gonna watch it!" L "Oh, we're gonna watch it!" 

GMMore: R "If I could have 2 extra mouths for eating, I would trade my eyes in. That's how much I enjoy eating."

GMM 818: L “I’ve milked a cow, but I have not belly-bongo’d with my groin.”

GMMore: R “Lebron, I know you’re a fan, I know you watch. Why don’t you grow some wings?”

GMM 819: R “I look a psychopath trying to send a murder message.” “It all looked like lip to me.”

GMMore: R “I think foot coordination is inversely proportional to beard length.”

GMM 820: R “This Christmas, I would like to be able to go one week without some stranger asking me, ‘Hey, do you play basketball?’ I DID. I don’t anymore. It wasn’t pro. It was high school. Just ‘cause I’m tall. Yes, I’ve touched a basketball. Get over it!” “There’s an anatomy lesson in that.”

L “Link Neal, greatest wrapper of all time!” “Peanut butter is close to my heart. Saying the word ‘plumpy-nut’ is close to my heart.”

GMMore: R “If you want to dominate a sport these days, you gotta start at 3.” “My hair is PG-rated, my face is R-rated.”

L “2016, we get a jacuzzi.”

GMM 821: R "There's something you don't know about me, Link. We've known each other for a long time, but I always keep a pack of soy sauce in my left upper pocket." "I'm actually beginning to cry."

L “You made my pie-hole very happy.” “This is like the edible version of a clown."

GMM 822: L “I hope it becomes clear over the course of this episode that you are demented…” “I could twist your ear off right now with my hand!” “I mean, I’ve been burned a number of times and never once did I make a cow sound when it happened.”

R “Bring out the trample face!”

GMMore: L “There were no good-old-days.”

GMM 823: L “From personal experience, I mean, you can definitely get four kids in a trunk.” “When flatulence and farts are the sexy part of any story, don’t read the story.’

R “Kids love getting in the trunk for a little bit."

GMM 824: L “It’s difficult to figure out what’s in your sleeve when I’m not looking at you at all.”

R “First of all, before you go out on a limb, before you guess, can we just make an agreement that we’ll do something at a kid’s birthday party.”

GMM 825: L “I just want to admit that we have a travel item.” “This might be my gateway drug to bidet-ing, especially if it’s bacon scented.”

GMMore: L “ Let’s be honest, we’ve stopped thinking years ago.”

 

GMM 826: R “We are living in an instant world, and I am an instant girl.”

L “If I, like, go over to your house one night and Chase is over there feeding you, that’s inappropriate!”

GMM 827: R “Nick Cannon doesn’t know what he left.”

L “Don’t give up hope yet. The Christmas Spirit has not died, but you’re killing it slowly.”

GMMore: L “In my first year of marriage, uh, with my wife, Christy, we, um, as opposed the other marriages I haven’t had yet or whatever, I don’t plan on having any other marriages… Boy, I’m really digging a hole here. Can I start that over?” “A toothbrush is a thoughtful gift? That sounds like an insult.”

GMM 828: R “Light my candle, baby.” “Link, quit being the uncle and eat some of this friggin cheese.” “I have a 1958 pallet. That’s what I’m discovering.”

L “Heaaavy on the mayo.” “Ham Cane. Why haven’t I invented that?”

GMMore: L "Happy Bomb Shelter Christmas!"

GMM 829: R “...That means decorate for christmas, that was just kind of a euphemism, which for a lot of my life I thought that meant put Holly’s intestines all over the place.”

“...and let me tell you Shephard, I know that sometimes you watch this show. Son, if I see you in that room again, I’m going to put you in prison, just like Brandon’s mom.”

L “Nothing’s more liberating that wearing a bikini and stealing candy canes.”

Both: “If your names rhyme, you’re related.”

GMMore: L “A little North on North action.”

GMM 830: Santa: “Santa wants to know if you want it hard or if you want it soft.”

L “Truthfully, I’m not happy deep inside.” "A remote only needs 4 buttons. Up, down, and mute."

GMMore: R “This is the beginning and the end of fancy panties.” 

L "Looks like you guys have been making out with the Christmas tree. Again."

 

GMM 831: R “Dillnog. Put your finger on the pickle.” “One of the questions that I ask myself during the holiday season is how can I get more cheese into my body.” “Little cheese mountains. I wanna be in there surfing!” "There are few things in this world that make me like a little boy again. Facing down a pint of blood is one of them." "I hate myself." 

L “Body builders, they add eggs to protein shakes. It’s like we’re adding protein to a sport drink.” “Everytime I breathe out of my mouth, I can taste like, dead dog.”

GMMore: R "It's a good sign to be misunderstood."

SEASON NINE 

GMM 832: L “I’m pleased to introduce you to my forehead and ears for the first time. Uh, welcome. Welcome to them. Here they are. Here they are. Lot of ad space up here.” “Does my Goozle..? Is it always….?” “This is like my older brother that I didn’t know existed, and when I meet him, I’m like, ‘uh, let’s not be facebook friends, let’s not be acquaintances.’” “Why am I still bald?”

R “It’s a free country, man. You can do your hair however you want to.” “You know what? If you ever go with this look, I think I’m out. I’m going solo. That’s what’s going to cause me to go solo if you ever achieve that look.” “This is what my prom date looked like in ‘95.” “Looks like a couple of tadpoles trying to dig into your eyeballs.”  

GMMore: R “You know, all the great laughers breathe while they laugh.” “Let’s go back to the beginning, let’s go back to childhood.” “Yeah, you gotta be your own man.” “This is like Charlie Rose at this point.” “I would think, ‘huh, he’s probably into board games.’” “I would say this guy doesn’t rollerblade anymore, but he did.”

L “I would say, no, I think it’s been a year in the making.” “But I did receive, like, a strange letter from an estranged family member who went into great detail using letters from magazine clippings to say that if you don’t get rid of those wings and that swoop...you’re gonna become very irrelevant.” “I saw a guy, and I’m being for real, who was an older gentlemen who had a hair style very similar to mine and I judged him.” “Negatively.” “They could come back, I’m not locked in forever.” “Maybe next year for Project for Awesome, I’ll auction them off.” “But didn’t we all?”

GMM 833: R “I don’t think they’re under the car, I think they’re driving the car.” “That’s how you start a car, Link, you yank the thang.”

GMMore: L “I have trialed my fusion alone, but never in tandem.” “I’ve never ridden a Unicorn before, that’s why I’m having so much difficulty.” “I’m the pit viper, I’m a bite you.” “I’m used to winning.”

R “We got problems in Unicornville.” “Link, they don’t actually make the roads, it’s a video game.” “I’s just a barefoot baby on a 3-wheeler. That’s what memories are made of.”

 

GMM 834: L “I think we are the bow and arrow.” “I look like Aladdin but I’m gonna try to channel King Triton.” “I can’t go full lord.” “We look like two really cool break dancers.”

R “I’m not going to enjoy any of this, Stevie.” “Hey, I’m a bird of paradise.” “Oh, I wasn’t asking for points by giving you points.” “A dolphin is a mammal, but it’s kinda half fish.” “I’m the lord of the fishes.”

GMMore: R “Welcome to dog yoga, dogs!” “I’m the treat master.” “They put Ritz crackers in my bed with cheese, and they were like, ‘he’ll find those.’” “I’ve basically have been led around my entire  life by Ritz crackers and cheese.” “Your wife does that?” “Yeah, man. My wife licks my teeth. I don’t even brush em!” “You don’t need to do anything anymore except watch YouTube videos.” “Everything you need is on YouTube.com.” “Sometimes I can’t tell what end of June is the head.”

L “You gotta roll that thing over.” “June’s doing the ‘Snow-walk-off-nisna.’” “We’re making out on the internet.” “This is my dog not my wife.” “2016, the year of the butt-holes.” “Let’s just play with our dogs on our YouTube channel. No one’s ever done that before.”

GMM 835: R “No, I’m not going to blink.” “Well, it’s a little strange, but I’m also working on a macaroni sculpture of your wife.” “Nancy, you probably don’t need to show those off.”

L “You freaked me out there at the end.” “I get a lot of luck on Tindeerrr.”

Both singing: “Cause I’m a person, not a dragon. Rest in peace, Bilbo Baggins.”

GMMore: R “You still Canadian?” “But did you hear about the guy who fell awake during ‘Force Awakens’?” “Yeah, the theater was too Darth.” “I think I just made my day.”

L “That’s a ‘Game of Thrones’ joke, Rhett. You wouldn’t get it.” “I’m so glad to be back. I mean, it’s like a well worn shoe.” “I cried tears of joy four different times.”

Jen: “Still can’t read.”

GMM 836: L “The world is your bacon oyster…” “That is a relevation, man. That’s not even a word!”

R “Sign me up for chicken bacon!” “I’m getting all kinds of signals. They’re coming from all kinds of, all places around the earth.” “I feel like just trolled something with my mouth.”

GMMore: R “And welcome, there’s his face, Drew!” “He fit the profile. He had a beard, so he’s hired.” “I was a serial night-spender.” “Everything that we have said has been for entertainment purposes only.”

L “I eat it off my lip all the time.”

Alex “Shout out to Grandma Punch.”

GMM 837: L “Potato people care about potato things.” “Urinal cakes, I’ve never been tempted to bite one of those.” “Man, there’s people who are into anything.” “Who am I working with here?” “One magazine cannot contain the angst and enthusiasm of millennial women.”

R “Don’t ask for those at the bakery, kids.” “I turn urinal cakes into donuts.” (put that on a t-shirt) “Since 1977.”

GMMore: L “Once you get inside, it’s all bedlam.” “I’d rather dig a cat hole than get in one of these things.” “You become a peeleontologist.” “Don’t be that way.”

R “A lot of people don’t like a port-o-john, but I prefer one.” “If it’s clean, I feel like I’m in a time machine.” “If a bone comes lose, it’s yours. That’s our slogan.”

GMM 838: R “Don’t head-butt a woman.”

L “OHH NOOO!”

GMMore: L “The unbreakable mug.”

R “I love bread, though. Sometimes I think they should make a blanket out of bread and sell it cause it’s just soft.”

GMM 839: L “Because she’s not cooperating and that’s what they do.”

R “I was about to get a little kiss of chocolate, and now I’ve gotten intimate with the chocolate unintentionally.”

GMMore: L “There’s nothing like the feeling of knowing that your balls are impervious.” “Don’t you guys want to sleep on my DNA? Line up, kids.” “Never worn a shirt out. That’s called shoplifting.”

R “I worn a whole suit of clothes out.” “I don’t like pranks.”

GMM 840: L “I don’t wanna know if she’s in there.” “Yeah, two shower heads, we get it.” “No, we don’t.”

R “New from Rhett & Link, Crust Toothpaste.” “You know, we have the budget for a second spit cup.” “I’ll never forget that, dad, and I’ll never do it cause I always check to make sure it’s toothpaste.” “We solved a problem that no one really had.”

GMMore: L (reading) “Dear Rhett, Link, and crew, my name is Co-stans-zay. I’m 18 years, is that how you would say it?” Jen “I think it’s ‘Constance.’” “I feel like everyone around me is going crazy today.”

R “This man’s name is Cliff Bliss. That’s like a made-up country singer’s name. That’s the best name I’ve ever heard, Cliff Bliss.” “I wish I could turn it into chewing gum.” “I’m just gonna have so much fun by myself.” “I wanna eat it.” (singing->) “It’s wood, wood, wood, wood, wood, wood.” “Sometimes lies are good if it keeps people from bad things.”

GMM 841: L “Well, technically, we know who cut the cheese. Chase cut the cheese as he always does…” “I’ve never wanted to taste a hooligan.” “And finally, we’re going to be tasting Rachel.” “Come back to me Rachel, I named a cheese after you. How pathetic is that?” “Christy would love doing this, but, she loves cheese like you do, but...” “Shut up.” “Wouldn’t be the first time. Gotta fill up that biscuit with something.”

R “I know about Christy’s love for cheese, that’s why i made that macaroni sculpture for her.” “Sometimes we get together and eat cheese.” “I appreciate the sheep and what they offer.” “Did y’all stuff a biscuit with caulk?” “I’m a cheese master!”

GMMore: L “Man, that looks like pound cake.” R “That’s what I just said.” ...L “We think too much alike.”

L “You’re not pathetic because that cheese is good.” “I’m on the grilled cheese board.” (both: ongoing silly message to Pete & Rachel)

GMM 842: L “There are also professional butt slappers.” R “Well, can we see that?”

R “Birds have white poop. I do know that.”

GMMore: R “Hold on a second, whose placenta is this?” L “Uh, no, it’s mine.”

R “That’s the thing that I was really surprised about. There’s a bucket there and I was like, ‘is that for the baby to go in?’” “My eyebrows have always been very aggressive.” “Birth offage is great word. We should start a band. A heavy metal band called ‘Birth Offage.’”

GMM 843: L “When you get so sad, you start to melt.”

R “They gave you chlamydia?” L “What were you doing with the koala?” R “After Hours at the zoo.”

R “I think this is whether or not you would swipe right or left on this because I don’t know that this koala would pee on me or eat poop. You don’t know that until the first date.”

GMMore: L “That’s what I do for you guys. I bloodshot my eyes for y’all!” “No, Rhett. We don’t eat donkey in our family.” “OH THANK GOODNESS YOU DIDN’T BURN THE KITTENS!”

R “That was a great story cause everybody thought you blew up some cats, man.”

GMM 844: R “I’m ready to rock the tucked in shirt.” “Alright, we’re going to let Link sort out his issues on his own time and we’re going to move on with this episode.” “We might just leave Link in one.” “Be gentle with me, Eddie!” “That’s like a life philosophy. Hold on to those pinched inches cause somebody’ll take em away from ya.”“Oh, the more the crotch!” 

L “I can go shirtless if it happens. That will be your reward if I get out of this straitjacket, mom, I mean, uh, wife, I mean, what?” “Whenever I take off my shirt, my mom’s like ‘oh, you’re muscular, you’re doing good.’” “No, my mom watches the show, my wife doesn’t.” “Put a straitjacket over my mouth!” “Woop, woop! There’s a crotch strap!” “Oh, you look like you can be smacked around, slapped up, and if I get out of here first, that’s what’s gonna happen.” “All types of people, blondes, brunettes, get straitjacketed from time to time.” “Look, your arm is giving birth to a Rhett.” “You’re a straitjacket genius!” “That’s the easy part. Become a woman, then undo your buckle. I can do that.”

GMMore: Eddie: “Rhett’s having fun with that middle strap.”

L “I want to hear ya honk.”

R “I don’t think I understand how buckles work. I’ve never been good with buckles.”

GMM 845: Bevin: “Like fine wine, canned whole chickens improve with age.”

R “There are shelves that have things on them that you can’t reach? This is a thing? This happens?” “That has literally never happened to me, cause I’m so tall.” “I’m so proud of you and your new pet.”

GMMore: L “Send us the pony.” “It’s called a stable, you butthole.” “MC Butthole.” “I gave her my bank login.” "It's like an egg eye. Come to papa, my egg face." 

R “It is the year of the butthole. We should be calling each other that more. I forgot. That would be a great show name for a pony. And now, Amanda, on Butthole.” “If this works perfectly on the first time, I am quitting everything and going into this.”

GMM 846: L “Let’s call this a ‘dump-mellow’.” "I like a roasted tomato, I just don't like a raw tomato." “We’re calling these ‘pumplings’ cause they pump you up.” “Call this a ‘Leatherling’.” “Survival dumpling.” “It’s gone. I’m out. I’m flat out of sperm.”

L “Dip this in chocolate sauce” R “Where? Did you bring some?”

L “...I'm starting to think we should open a dumpling restaurant!" R "Dumplings R Us?” L "Take a dumpling." "Come take a dumpling." R “Take a dumpling on us!” "We give you a free dumpling every time." L "It is most likely that it will be a food court restaurant any type of restaurant we open." 

R “I think we should call it ‘dumplizza’.” “It tastes like a really good, thoughtful ravioli.” "Have you had the Thoughtful Ravioli?" “This might be the peak of taste on ‘Will-It’." “I’ve chewed on my wallet before, just like, in a moment of thoughtlessness. It was just like this.” “What are we going to call these, ‘spermlings’?” “I’m going to go to my happy place. I’m going to go the part of the mall that doesn’t sell cod sperm. I’m going into Brookstone. I’m in a massage chair, and they turn it on, they said ‘sir, you’re gonna have to leave, it’s been 3 hours.’”

GMMore: R “You guys are getting really good at stuff, you know that?”

L “Good job, Kevin. You can continue to work here.”

GMM 847: R “When I think about ‘old,’ I think about my old chin-strap that I used to have and how much of a mistake that was. I’m glad I don’t have that anymore. Don’t look up those old pictures.” “Honey, you wanna go shopping for fashion sacks (sacs?)?” “Do not get your wife a dog-toothed covered purse for Valentine’s Day because that’s what I’m getting her, I mean, my wife.” “Boy, that brain is working, ain’t it?” “So, scientists, please, next time you want to find out how a clam is, just count the rings. Don’t kill it. GAH!” “Back in the olden times, they didn’t have Netflix to binge-watch their sorrows away, they had flutes.”

L “And I can’t be the stupidest person here if I’m not the one using a fake microphone.” “Congratulations to everything that aged.”

GMMore: L “16 years from today, I’ma find these 14 buttons.” “I wanted my special friends to do that, not you.” “I’ve never had a frog nut ball.” “With what I lack in knowledge of the age of things and in personal esteem this morning for failing this eating thing, I’m giving that to you guys. What I’m not taking for myself, in terms of, like, gusto for life today, I wanna give it to you, instead. Cause we both can’t have it all. And I want YOU to have it. I want YOU to have a great day. I want you to eat whatever you want to eat today.” "Locomotive breath. I've been called that." "Now, I love me flute, but it's gotta be Marshall Tucker Band." 

R “But you forgot the scratch and the sniff part.” “I have four fossils, thank you very much.” “I have my diploma from preschool.” “I have my first ever teddy bear that I got when I came home from the hospital…That’s old...Still squeaks.”

 

GMM 848: R “The official ‘Good Mythical Morning’ stance on the Mandela effect is that it doesn’t exist and that people just can’t get stuff right.” “The shame ends today.” “What is a mirror mirror, anyway?”

L “The shame ends for all of us.” “And don’t wear human clothes, bears! It’s confusing! Messed up my childhood.” “Welcome to reality. We’re all here together now.”

GMMore: L “The wife learned clogging.” “What she chose to do was clog as a child.” “‘Oh, ‘Peanut Butter Man.’ He just called me ‘Peanut Butter Man.’”

R “You remember it being called ‘Forrest Gump.’ It’s actually called ‘Forrest Dump.’ That was just my weekend.” “‘Peanut Butter Man’ is not going to get this wrong…”

GMM 849: R “If any of you go to Norma’s on a business trip, which probably won’t happen, and you expense this, you’re fired. That’s what happens when you expense the frittata.”

L “No, we’ll just dock their pay a zillion dollars and it will become an actual number.”

GMMore: R “Hello to the mythical beasts that were in Puerto Rico.” “Lot of mythical beasts in Puerto Rico, I didn’t know that was going to happen. I’m glad that it did, and took a lot of pictures…” 

L “Global warming is like humans peeing in a pool on a global scale.”

GMM 850: L “I’m not only bad with names, but I’m bad with people.” “If I win Alex, I’m going to get him to tuck me in for a nap and sing me lullaby.” “You look a lot different in person, Lionel, once you’re unwrapped.”

R “If I win Alex, I’m going to get him to give me a professional massage.” “...because we have a professional relationship...” 

GMMore: L “Little lap drum goes a long way.” 

Jen: “Link’s hair is turnt up.” 

R “All the pictures are of me but all the the stories are about Link.”

GMM 851: L “Bring the fries to the fry daddy. That’s me.” “It’s like eatin’ a potato garden hose.” “I’ll be fry daddy, you can be spud man.”

GMMore: R “Sometimes, homework pays off kids. Do your homework. Cause you can be the Lord of the Fries one day.” “If you want me and Link to eat messy baked potato fries on camera wearing bathing suits, we will also do that.” 

L “I only eat rarely without you, for lunch.” “That’s not fair, man. The rule is we never do homework for exams. Never study for exams on ‘Good Mythical Morning.’”

GMM 852: R “Love gets weird.” “I don’t have a wife, I mean, I do have a wife, but why do I have a wife. I don’t deserve her with this performance.” L “I don’t know how you got her.” R “I danced a lot.” “Do they eat they dead things?” “It’s like being trapped in big bag of gummy bears, which is a dream of mine.” “One time I put on a ‘Big Bird’ outfit just for Halloween, and uh, beaks don’t kiss well.”

L “I’d love to suffocate you in one right about now.” “All of my love is towards my wife and children.” (looks at camera, winks)

GMMore: L “You know you’re gonna be a good surgeon when you can’t even pull the bloody sheet off of the guy.”

R “We’ve had our fun, now let’s draw on his face.” “I’ve got the heart, Charles. Dr. Neal, I’ve got the heart.”

GMM 853: R “What better way to say ‘I love you’ than to have something permanently etched onto your skin?” “You know you get a good pair of headphones, and you’re like ‘man, these are the best thing ever happen to me.”

GMMore: L “Rule number one of looking at someone’s tattoo: Don’t respond with ‘what is that’, a fill in the blank with the first thing you think.” “It’s like a charm bracelet under your skin.”

GMM 854: R “True love waits two days and then it comes out of your butt.”

GMMore: L “Every time you put on glasses period, you think you should talk like Jeff Goldblum.” “We share so many stories from our past, in this case distant past, cause I’ve been married a long and glorious time.” “Spoiler alert: I did not have a ring.” “Circumstances dictated that we be apart for the summer so we became pen pals.” “The marriage took.”

GMM 855: L “Mythical beasts, a question is like something we answer on Thursdays.” R “That’s it?” L “That’s it.” L “Only swirly is worthy?”

GMMore: L “Well, my kids, “no” stopped sounding like a word to them a long time ago. DAD JOKE!” “He’s about to summit ‘Mount Mail Boulder’!” “Oh, next time, we can do a mountain, a mythical mountain!” “Yeah, you chewing gum too hard if it hurts your shoulder.” “Jen, you know what, we love you just the way you are. Don’t ever change for anyone.”

R (making fun of Jen) “In my past life, I have tried lemonade gum, but not this life. Not like this.”

 

GMM 856: L “We have a healthy relationship, I don’t need to communicate with her through this show.” “Let’s let that settle in and gaze upon the sweetness.” “Hey baby, I had big plans for us tonight, but actually, I’m just gonna be in the kitchen drinking milk.”

R “I’m always excited about my wife.” “My mouth has gotten hotter but she stayed just as hot as she already was.”

GMMore: L “Stop calling me, beeper!” “Who care? We don’t care.” “Hey baby, let’s go out on a smoothie date. She gonna start rolling her eyes every time I drink a smoothie. She’s like, ‘Really? You’re drinking another smoothie.’”

GMM 857: R “That’s why I show up to all my world star hip hop fights naked. Look me up! I’m called ‘Big Red’ on world star hip hop.”

GMMore: R “Let’s just make a vow, right now though. We will never duel each other to the death unless one of us wins a watch from the other in a poker game and promises not to wear it in public and then does.”

GMM 858: R “I’m always looking for immediate proximity, or at least illustrations of it.”

L “This is basically like sleeping inside of an iMac that’s gonna go obsolete in six months.” R “Yeah, well it looks like something they come up with at Apple, like, in Steve Jobs's absence. They don’t have him there to tell him when the bad idea happens.” L “Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t poo-poo it yet, Rhett, because the features include a surround sound system, fully adjustable mattress and INTEGRATED READING LIGHTS!” R “Are you Oprah now?” L “Yeah! That was a good Oprah!” R “You’re gonna give everybody a re-, everybody gets a free reading light!” L “FREE READING LIGHT!”

GMMore: L "I'm about to unload this bed on you." "My skin is brown if I get tan." “Make a song out of this, somebody. Remix: Hypercolor pajamas on a burger bed, when I wake up in the morning, then I look like I’m cook-ed.” “This is the ‘Good Mythical More’ that I go to my falsed voice a lot.”

R “Burger Nights should be a restaurant that’s only open at night.” “You don’t want to commit too hard to anything.”

GMM 859: L “A comma is not a letter.” R “It’s its own thing.”

R “It’s all fun and games until somebody chokes on their pizza.”

GMMore: L “I feel like a grandma in this episode because, I’m serious, I have never used an emojicon, emoticon, emoji in a text.” “It’s for the legal records whenever we need to sue each other.”

R “Link and I will email one another. The kinds of things that we should text about.” “I like writing ‘Dear Link.’ ‘Best, Rhett.’ Sometimes, I do ‘Always, Rhett.’”

GMM 860: L “I’m pregnant with popcorn.”

GMMore: R “They didn’t have algebra in 1909. What are you, crazy? Algebra’s invented in the ‘50s!” “My philosophy is once you start something like this, you can’t end without getting it right, because in life, things need to end on good notes. That’s a philosophy of mine. So once you start trying something, you have to do it until you do it. You cannot engrain in yourself that you couldn’t do something and give up on it. Don’t engrain losing into your brain, guys. You’re like a duckling, and you need to imprint winning into your brain.” “You heard about Mother Goose? She ain’t got nothin’ on me.”

GMM 861: L “Whenever I want to manipulate bacon, I used a cuticle cutter.”

R “Have you have the pet toothbrush eggs?” “Hey! I found a coffee teet! This is like the greatest moment of the Lewis and Clark adventure. Just when we got to the base of the Rockies, we found a coffee teet, and me and Lewis drank from it.”

GMMore: R “So, this is Barbara, we adopted her… she’s a Maltese mutt...”

L “So you have to choose between your wife and your dog.” R “Yeah, it’s a weird family situation.” L “That’s sad.” “Congratulations, welcome to the dog squad.”

GMM 862: L “Now we all know that celebrities name their babies weird names, that’s why, as an aspiring celebrity, I named my kid ‘Lando’...” “Lettuce by any other language is still lettuce.” “It’s ‘Nina’ with a ‘j’. Embrace it.”

R “As someone who wanted to name their kid ‘Ninja’ at one point, as you did…”

GMMore: R “‘Fake Plant Dusters,’ that’s a good band name.” “Link, you’re the baby name genius!”

L “‘Audio Science’ is the greatest name I hope exists.” 

GMM 863: L “As a kid, I was deathly afraid of lightning, but I also wanted to be a weatherman.” “Ladies and gentleman, the headline reads lightning has proclivity for the anus.”

R (singing->) “You’ve been thunderstruck.” “So in a lot of ways this lightning chose her anus.”

GMMore: L “When in doubt, huddle about.”

GMM 864: L “Like if you pushed it, pushed your hand, like you wanted to resuscitate the real Earth by smooshing it from the North Pole down, it’s like ‘whoops, I killed it.’ It’s a pancake.” “Who knew that the flat Earth theory could create a rap battle?!” “I think he also say ‘we got to close the Star-gat-e.’ Gonna do it, I’m gonna do it. I look like Dana Carvey, I’m gonna do it.” “Next time you go number one, grrraaab a thermos.”

R “I love 2016!”

GMMore: R “...I’m not the kind of person who has a disposition that wants to believe conspiracy theories.”

GMM 865: R “He’s quite a wing fiddler.”

L “I forgot my wallet this morning! And I went back in the house twice…!”

GMMore: R “I’m the horse that calls you ‘boss.’” “I’m a stubborn mule.” “Being a horse is difficult.” “We could quit if we got a Corvette.” “I could watch a whole documentary about piano tuning.” “I see myself as a smiley face and a long leg.” “You know if you milk yourself, you get abs.” “Everyone knows unicows make black milk.”

L “You’re a mule man.” “That’s a t-shirt. The sun is always shining on a unicow that’s milking itself.”

Jen “The mail is weird. It brings out a strange side of all of us.”

GMM 866: R “Fondue is one the greatest things that humans have ever come up with, dipping things in liquid cheese. This has got to make everything amazing.”  L “Vaccines?” R “Better than vaccines! You heard it here!” L “The internet?” R “Tied.” L “Your mom?” R “My mom is better.”

R "Hold on! That was going to be my heaven!" L “I’m sorry that I busted your heaven.”

R “This is not the cheesecake that I think most people would expect if they were to order it."

L “You know what eye smells like?”

GMMore: L “Feel the stress leaving your face, your neck, shoulders, bosom. I haven’t said that word ever.”

GMM 867: L “There are an estimated eight and half million species, different ones. I know because I counted.” “I have no expertise and neither do you so chill out on the specific drug references.” “My father-in-law likes to mispronounce words to be funny, but we just think he didn’t have good vocabulary.”

GMMore: R “Can’t Barbara just come in and just strut her stuff and it has nothing to do with what dog is better. It’s just, if she can do lots of tricks, and your dog can’t do any, it doesn’t say anything about your dog, it just means that Barbara’s amazing.” “We’re basically turning our house into a county fair run by dogs.”

L “My dog is nothing but a love sponge.”

GMM 868: L “Don’t cross the Walmart.”

GMMore: R “Passive aggressive notes can change the world.”

GMM 869: R “I thought Link was my sidekick.” “Hey, it happens and you’re like, ‘oh, it was gonna be such a good thing but we’re gonna have weird babies if we keep this up.”

L “I thought Rhett was my sidekick.” “But it seems like I know something about the comic.”

Kevin Smith: “Yeah, you know something about reality.”

R: “What’s the ‘SB’ stand for?” Chase: “Sidekick Boy!” R “Okay, ‘Sidekick Boy, fetch me some coffee.” Chase: “Yes, sir!” R: “He’s so compliant. I love it!”

GMMore: K: “And I said, ‘what is it,’ and they said ‘they just do a ten minute talk show every day.’ And I was like, ‘what? like who’d they ask?’ and they said, ‘nobody, they just did it.’...” “You ain’t directed a movie until you’ve been dressed like a sausage...”

L “Well, we asked Rhett’s wife is we could use the converted car garage behind his house.”

GMM 870: L “I love Twenty-Two Pilots, they’re great! I think they got an extra pilot somewhere.”

GMMore: R “The ironic thing is when you’re leading a clap-along and you’re playing the guitar, you cannot clap. It’s always been a frustration of mine.”

L “Do roosters hang out?” “One’s a wingman, ha ha ha ha ha!”

GMM 871: L “Giant chickens are better than chickens.” “Do birds have a kingdom?” “That’s a town. That’s a suburb of the bird kingdom.” “I’d show up for that.” “I like the idea of a big nest for a bed.”

R “We don’t have to dink our eggs. I’m afraid we might accidentally create another bird.” “Yeah, Birdville.” “I did stuff as a child.” “If ladies laid eggs, the pregnancy would be a very different time. You’d go into the bedroom and your wife would just be, like, sitting on the egg, and be, like, "baby, you wanna come watch House of Cards?” “Why can’t you just bring the laptop over here, I gotta sit on Junior!”

GMMore: L “Well, I’ve never made an omelette before.” “It’s my first exotic scramble.”

GMM 872: L “Well, cats shed when they pee on themselves.” (singing->) “Midol will help you get your zzz’s.” (about Rhett->) “He does have a lot of dolls, like, he makes his bed and then he places all the dolls on the bed, he’s like, ‘don’t touch my dolls!’”

R “Back in the day, to be a doctor, all you had to have was a lot of confidence and a little bottle of tincture.”

GMMore: R “I became the person I am because my dad jump-scared me so much so I’m gonna do it to my kids. I think it teaches them you can never be sure, you can never feel safe.”

GMM 873: R “If you didn’t notice, I’m a pretty big man myself. Haven’t been to a psychic, but I like to think that I’m also here to help save you, Link, and the crew.” L “You gotta have a big frame to save the human race?” R “I can pack 300 pounds on here real easy, REAL easy. You wouldn’t believe it.”

GMMore: L “...You produced the track for our most popular video of all, ‘Nerd vs Geek’...and ‘Christmas Face.’” “We found the iguana!” “Would you like to stroke the iguana with your fingernail?” “Ointmelt.” “Music… It’s like scientific geeking out.”

Andrew Huang “ “Garbange.”

R “Yeah, Chuck Testa gave us that. We put it in a briefcase, Chuck. Just found it.” “Looks like I got a turkey hugging me from the back.” “Helment.”

 

GMM 874: R “My ears get red sometimes when people are talking about me.”

GMMore: L “That’s how glitter’s made. You slap your face.” “When Rhett hears the word ‘hour’, he sees the back end of a peacock. Hours of peacock butt!”

R “...when I hear sounds, I picture three-dimensional shapes. It is very, very subconscious and if I start trying to really think about, it doesn’t even make sense in my own brain, but it’s very, very consistent and very prominent and it was much more prominent as a child. ” “This is what ‘nine’ feels like in my mind...like a smushed hamburger top.”

GMM 875: L “Denim underwear, peeps! Ripping is not an issue.” “Our personal pride is on the line.”

R “We still have some of that?”

GMM 876: R “It’s so sour, it made my nosebleed?” I’m a curious cat, Link.”

L “I can create a flesh moustache on my own face.” “Cut diamonds with my flesh moustache?”

GMM 877: R “I’m always ready to put a fart out there."

GMM 878: L “That is a bunch of duck.” “Dang, they get around, man. I didn’t know they were migratory birds.” (singing) “Ocean pollution is awesome!” “Swordfish got big eyes. Swordfish got real big eyes. Swordfish eyes, big.”

GMM 879: L “Shield your eyes.”

GMM 880: L “Don’t let the sun set on an unresponded text.” “You throw ‘em up & it’s particle time!”

GMMore: R “I love the English language and how it can be manipulated.” “Don’t punch Jen’s delts.” “I’m always turning over rocks while hiking.”

L “Zach West was the old me.”

GMM 881: R "What's good here, bartender?" Chase "I recommend number two." (poem->)"'Here we are at the oxygen bar. We're gonna go home together in a car. If we die before we wake, at least this oxygen we got to taste." "...because watermelon backwards is honeysuckle." 

L "I feel like I could bust through a wall. Not a physical wall, more like an emotional wall.""When I woke up this morning, I could only breathe out of one nose."  "...when you serene really hard, you start chilin'."

GMM 882: L “A cocktail of detergent in the underwear. That way whenever you soil yourself, it cleans.” “You know what I just invented? Detergent underwear! So eat that! Well, they’re not edible, but buy that!”

GMMore: L “Look! It’s a flying squirrel! No, it’s Panty Boy!” “It was a night dress for a boy… What was I saying?” “It had nothing to do with GreenPeace, it had everything to do with the principle of being pressured into making a decision at my own front door. I’m not comfortable with that. Any type of decision.”

R “I look like a walking ring pop!” “And I don’t like making decisions in my living room.”

 

GMM 883: R “...I think it’s time for us to make a confession.” L “Yeah, um, we’ll just tell you. Listen, the voices that you have come to know and love are not our own.” (camera pans to Chase and Mike) Chase “Hey, we’re the real Rhett and Link. I’m Chase and I’m the voice of Rhett.” Mike “And I’m Mike and I’m the voice of Link. Now you finally know the truth.” 

GMM 884: R “I don’t understand you sometimes.” "I have asymmetrical eyes. Just look at my Instagram. You'll figure it out." “I wanna be ‘The Glow Boys.’” “Welcome to ‘The Metal Face Club.’”

GMMore: L “I look so smooth. It’s like you could ski off my face.”

GMM 885: Eddie “Gurl, this gossip is garbage!”

L “Just yourself be if weird is you.” R “You make change to you friends shouldn’t.” L “Think about worry what people other don’t.” R “Friend you accept for you who a true are.”

GMMore: R “You know, I’ve actually looked into this a little bit because there still is a McLaughlin castle that I’m planning on taking over at some point, in Scotland. I’m not joking. There’s a dude who watches over it and I’m thinking about ousting him, maybe in my ‘50s because I figure by then I’ll be bored. I’m gonna go over there and I’m gonna be like ‘I’m here, buddy. It’s time. Your stay is over.’”

GMM 886: L “You know, Eddie makes beef jerky. He’s got a side business.”

R “You’re telling me that there’s a possibility that one of y’all walking down Hollywood Blvd sees a band aid, picks it up, like, ‘we can use this on the show!’” “That eye almost came out. That’s as close as I’ve ever gotten to an eye just coming out and hanging.”

GMM 887: L “I would weep in my tapas.”

GMMore: R “I think the only way that that can be topped is if we one day meet in Barcelona and enjoy some tapas together and you sing that to her. If I saw you sing that to her, I could die at that point.” “I’ve got, like, ten moments in my life that I consider ‘the peaks’ and a couple of years have gone by...before one of those moved into the top ten and pushed something out. I think that just moved into number ten and my second child being born moved out of the top ten.” “Sorry, Shepherd, you’re at number eleven.”

GMM 888: Hank: “I know about feeling and I know, I’ve met the earth. We’ve met, we have a relationship. I’ve touched the earth.”

R “Yeah, I touch lots of birds.”

GMMore: Hank: “How do pants see, Becky?”

L “I mean, I wore women’s jeans for- there was a stint before the mens jeans got tight enough to my liking.” “When you’re hot, how could you be horrible?” “So glad I don’t know a hot and horrible Chase.”

R “He did. He wore women’s jeans for at least three years. Go back to the videos and you’ll notice.” “I don’t like to do work, though, in general, but I, like, point people to internet videos.”

 

GMM 889: L “It goes without saying: You can add any cereal you want to a pancake. Live your life to the fullest, people.” “Note to self: Bone stuff is good for you.” “So, will it guinea pig balls?”

R “Don’t put mouthwash on your food.” “Bone stuff is really good for you. I read in a journal, not like my own journal or somebody’s I stole.”  

R & L chanting: “There is no trash can.”

GMMore: L “Welcome to ‘Good Mythical More’ where people eat things because there’s still stuff around after we already ate things and you’re around and you’re special.” “Yeah, welcome to my world. I would never choose to eat anything.”

R “ ...like whatever they make chocolate mint ice cream out of, actually putting the chocolate and the mint into the pancakes. Somebody invent that. IHOP, you’ve been challenged, and make them green. I’ll come again.”

GMM 890: L “I gotta go on the rec here and say that my least favorite part of camping is having to pee in the middle of the night.” R “And it always happens.”

L “I even say to myself, I’m not gonna drink, like, two hours before I get in that tent and I still wake up in the middle of the night and then it’s cold, and you’re like, getting out of your warmness and then you gotta put your shoes on and you gotta step over kids or whoever happens to be in your tent. You don’t even know ‘cause it’s dark!” “Man or woman, don’t use a bottle because there’s too much risk involved. I mean, there’s the aim issue, there’s the capacity issue. Which is gonna give out first? My supply or the capacity of the bottle? And then, the biggest risk of all, you might accidently drink it later!” “Never bend over and tie your tennis shoe at the back end of a pony.”

GMMore: R “Tastes like a bad summer. That’s what salt water taffy tastes like, like, ‘I had a horrible summer.’” “Last time I mitched, it was pink and brown.” “If your mitch is pink and brown, see a medical professional immediately.”

L “I’m tired of the counting and yelling.” “Please let mitch be a verb.” “That’s what I called your beard: ‘Mitch.’”

GMM 891: R “Let’s talk about that.” “You know what time it is.”

L “Good Mythical Morning!”

GMMore: *complete silence for April Fools gag

GMM 892: R “‘...or D. That you should change your sheets because you probably peed in real life.’ That could happen. Happened to me one time as an adult. Shouldn’t have admitted that.” “Link, you’re a dream genius!”

GMMore: L “I am the think master and the dream master.”

R “You do you, ball.” “If you wanna get your ball where you want your ball to be, you gotta be positive.”

 

GMM 893: R “If you wanna win a game show, study the patterns, drive an ice cream truck, and put your pin number in wherever possible.”

GMMore: R “I’m not french kissing you on camera, Barbara. We talked about that!” (reading his phone->) “Imagination is the act of exploring parallel universes, unless parallel universes can violate the laws of physics. In that case, imagination is not.” “...and I felt horrible for all the me’s that were being murdered.”

L “You shouldn’t be allowed to be alone in the desert anymore ‘cause I’m afraid for you.” “I’m so happy that I’m this me, too.”

GMM 894: R “I’m like a pancake, man. I can’t get done on one side. You gotta flip me over.” “It dudn’t get any better than tickle fingers.”

L “ Don’t ever let me walk into our office and see you doing this.”

GMM 895: R “One does not simply get over spiders.” “That’s the only rule of ranch emersion is you let me emerse myself!” "I went too far!" 

L "I can't hear anything. I got ranch in my ears! I cannot hear anything!" 

 

GMM 896: R “There’s knowledge in chewing.” “Babies have no taste.” “Cats got worse taste than babies.”

L “This is how I’m gonna go out, guys. Choking on a non-organic tortilla chip.”

GMMore: L “Can we have a little talk with you? Um, this has got to stop. This, us eating and drinking gross stuff, has got to stop, I mean.” “I kinda thought we’d start liking it, you know? I thought we’d turn over a new leaf and it would be like, look, we’re new people. We like nasty stuff. We’re ‘Nasty-tasters.’ Hasn’t happened yet.” “A cookie solves a world of problems. It covers a world of pain.”

R “Well, eventually, we’ll run out of things, you know. Can’t keep making weird stuff, can they? We just can’t keep finding it.”

GMM 897: L “Okay, Rhett, how many kids do you have?” R “Hm, two.” L “Check! And what current reading level are you at?” R “At least, sixth grade.”

R “Why are we supposed to hate unicorns? What good does that add to the world?”

 

GMM 898: L “Kids, just say no to the hidey-hole.”

R “I always say, ‘Why use a bank when you’ve got orange fishing twine!’” “Who hasn’t been in their dad’s attic looking for his badminton racket?”

GMMore: R “We should be each other’s first punch.” “I was just interactin’ with it.”

L “What kind of jerk can’t walk up a slide?” “I feel very safe under beds and lights.” “Whatchu been doin’ with them generators, boy?”

GMM 899: R “And if we are anything, it is new and wacky!” “Light Beard and Hell Boy are in charge again.”

L “I’m a toilet genius.” “Glow in the dark gods of the apocalypse with their glow in the dark chicken.”

GMMore: R "Well, you gotta have scissors ready, for anything.”

L “Scrubbing is for losers.”

GMM 900: L “...we frequently solve our conflicts with toast fights...” “Like, when my eyebrows crinkle that much, you know I’m afraid of something.”

R “You made a good choice with the hair.”

GMMore: L “Who’s more of a clean freak than me? I appreciate that.” “We hired them just so we can eat the fries faster.” “MSG!” “You are the reason we do what we do, 900 times.”

R “We also have a couple of new crew members to introduce you to: Matthew and Daniella!” “By the year 2050 though, all meat will be black market meat, if it’s not synthetically grown meat....” “In ten years, you’ll be eating lab-grown meat and you won’t know the difference.” “...but trust me, thirty years from now, you’re gonna be in your self-driving car, eating a pill, with a little black market meat on the side, and you’ll be like, ‘you know what? When he was eating those french fries, he was right.’”

R “We could do 9,000 fries.” L “We’re gonna do 9,000 episodes of this show just so we can do that.”

GMM 901: L “No nugget is a bad nugget.” “I feel like at this point, I have to say, there is nothing that’s been added to these nuggets, we’re just idiots.” “Don’t scrape the nugget. Never scrape a nugget.” “Geogranuggets.” “Never turn down a nugget.”

R “State Nuggies.” “Okay, enter the nugget. That would be a good movie!” “I’m the nugget king!”

GMMore: Stevie: “I just like how entertained Rhett is by, like, sauces.” R “I love sauces!” “I wanna be the guy who thinks of the sauces.”

R & crew: “Chug it, Serpent King.” “It’s a weird party.”

L “Yeah! I’m at the party, showing off. Everybody thinks I’m awesome! I’m at the party. I’m showing off. Everybody thinks I’m awesome!” “I’m ruint on nuggets for, like, a year.”

GMM 902: R “Ah, the majestic squirrel. The pigeon of the trees.”

GMMore: L “...I have a pale white mole, like, on the top of my head. Like, if you shaved my head, you’ll be like, ‘Gah, what’s that, like, albino ladybug nesting up there for?’ And I’d be like, ‘no, it’s a growth of some sort. I think it’s benign.’” “But you learn so much more when I don’t tell a lie. Like, you know me so much better.”

R “I know the mole’s real because I’ve seen it. Yeah, I mean, you used to have a shaved head and I shaved it.”

 

GMM 903: L “I never eat cold brain, except on a pizza.” “I grew up in a redneck wonderland!”

GMMore: R “I bet nobody’s bidding. I’m trying to make you feel good about your weird toe carrot.” “They call me the constipated soldier.”

L “Constantly pated. That’s me.”

 

GMM 904: R “‘Oofty Goofty limped around…’ That’s the beginning of a poem that I can’t finish.” L “That’s actually the end of the poem.” R “Yeah, that’s just it. That’s just a historical fact. Oofty Goofty limped around.” L “But, I will never eat anything on this show in the future without saying ‘Oofty Goofty, Oofty Goofty, Oofty Goofty.’” I’ma start doing that. Everyone should do that!”

GMMore: R “Every time I went to Link’s house as a child, he had pudding.” L “There’s not a lot of pudding in my life.”

R “My notes to self are like those, like, the generic post-its that you get that don’t really stick.” L “Off-brand note to self.”

 

GMM 905: R “How much butt heat do ya need?” L “Three hours ‘ll do!”

R “I’ve always got Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and a funnel. They always look at me funny at TSA. ‘Sir, what are ya gonna do with that funnel?’ ‘Well, come with me and you’ll find out.’ I mean, on the plane.” "Buddies can share smoothies. Who says you can't?"

L “Booty bar!”

GMMore: R “Pop it and the stocks go rising!” “Link, you’ve been vindicated for the first time ever!”

L “My aunt Viki referred to dookie-ing as hockey.” “She said, ‘do you need to hockey?’ And I thought it was a bad word, too.” “What? I’ve been vindicated a lot. This is my show. Our show, but I mean it’s half of my show, I should get vindicated half the time.”

GMM 906: L “Get it down, sailor man.” “Dingle the dangle.” “Just send it down the elevator. Send it down the swallow chute.” “Poor little bacon. Daddy got to eat bacon. I don’t know why I called myself ‘daddy.’” “I’m proud of you, man. Stoneface McLaughlin. Retching it up like a walrus.”

R “This is my Kryptonite. This is literally the only thing that I cannot eat.”

Eddie: “They’ve been boiled for safety.”

GMMore: L “Welcome to ‘Good Mythical More.’ We’re standing.”

R “Yeah, this is the new thing. Standing.”

GMM 907: R “Death by groin attack.” L “It happens.”

R “I’m gonna die next year?” L “Yep!” R “if that actually happens, this is gonna be one crazy episode!”

GMM 908: R “Twins can be a little bit weird, can’t they? Yes.”

GMMore: R “Right, down, right left square.” “Right, left. Down down square. Is that how they do it in the games? Is that how gamers do it? They do a little tunes to themselves?” “Congratulations, Link. You got turned into lava!”

L “I feel like I won. I became a human volcano. If that’s not a winner, I don’t know what is.”

 

GMM 909: L “You’re a human. Don’t be stupid.” “Business with the hands. Pleasure with the spoon.”

GMMore: L “Welcome to ‘Good Mythical More’ because there’s more to your life than watching this.” “You got gerbil cheeks and troll nose.”

 

GMM 910: L “How do you spill coffee on the back of a t-shirt? Sadly, I’ve done it.”

R “I wanna be a brave boy.”

GMMore: L “That’s how this show operates. ‘If you do it, I’ll do it too.’”

L “What? Am I the only one that wears underwear more than two days in a row?” Stevie: “You wear underwear four days in a row?” L “By accident, sometimes. Did I say that? Two days, definitely. Three days, maybe. Four days, it happens!” “I swim against the stream and I’m proud of that.”

R “You’ve got, like, a whole novel inside every article of clothing and I didn’t know about it until ‘MythicalCity’ asked this question.”

 

GMM 911: R “Sad and fancy.” L “Sancy.”

L “I’ve always wanted to know what it’d feel like to be pregnant with an alien.” (singing->) “I come from a soup down under!”

L "Next time you hose down the Cinnabon, call me." R “I’ve never wanted to be pregnant so bad in my life!”

R “...Where the sidewalk ends.” L “And my mouth begins?” R “Where the sidewalk ends and my mouth begins.”

R “But vegemite is so bad. Why do y’all like it?” L “It’s so weird.” R “Something’s wrong with y’all! Your toilets go the wrong way and your brains are backwards. L “But we love ya, Australia.” R “We do, we love you. Thanks for watching, Australians.”

GMMore: L “...I have never laughed so hard with anus in my mouth as I did in that episode. I’ve never laughed that hard on this show!”

R “ You learn something new every day that might be false.” “Knowledge if flexible. Truth is relative.”

GMM 912: L “Keep your cloaca, birds!” “When in doubt, guess testicles on this show.”

R “...if you got somebody out there you’re crushing on, you should be like, ‘hey, baby. You look like your face has been covered in gladiator sweat and blood.’” L “Yes, I’m writing that down.” R “See how they respond to that.”

GMMore: R “We almost called this show, ‘Mega Cool.’ ‘Mega Cool Morning.’ But then we decided against it.”

R “You feel mega cool?” L “I feel pretty mega.”

 

GMM 913: L “You’re getting a little too acquainted with it.” R “Oo, that feels like a face.” L “It’s gonna want to go home with you if you keep this up.”

L “My feelers are ready!” “You wanna make friends with this thing, not enemies.” “You were rubbin’ up on a lobster! Dang! It was responding to your touch!’

R “Pet it like you’ve never pet before, Link!” L “My rectum is so tight.”

R “Pet it like you love it, Link! Pet it like you love it!”

GMM 914: L “There is a biter in every class.”

GMM 915: R “Don’t let anybody touch that carrot.”

GMM 916: R “I’m a paleontologist who explores my own mouth.”

GMM 917: R “It kinda feels like you had chicken on the brain.”

L “If my dentist wore that mask, I’d be just as afraid of him as I already am!” “He’s bull on the top, spandex man on the bottom. I don’t know where he hides the talent.” “Chase’s grandma was a professional wrestler!”

GMMore: L “Weighing in at 350 pounds spread evenly across his seven foot six inch frame, it’s the one, the only, Tree Man!”

 

GMM 918: L “You know something’s a hoax when LAPD tweets, hashtag hoax.” (#hoax)

R “I click a lot, man. I’m a clicker. I am a clicker.”

L “Hey, man.” R “Hey.” L “So, remember that little people argument about the lion?” R “I’m dead.” L “This is how you wanna settle it? Really?” R “I’m dead.” L “Come on, man. We’re not in middle school anymore.” R “I know. I’m dead.” L “Stop. Okay, fine. I’m dead.” R “Oh!”

GMMore: R “Should’ve warned me.”

 

GMM 919: R “There is a full donut in her hair. That makes me hungry!” L “I’m starving.” R “There’s donut with a cinnamon roll on top of it!” L “Excuse me, girl. Can I taste your hair? The donut part?”

L “Churro warmer. That’s what they call me at DisneyLand!” (singing->) “Yeah! I’m ready for you to do what it takes to pull out my teeth and make a canal for a boat ‘cause I don’t even know what a route canal is! I’m happy about it!”

GMMore: R “Don’t I look reliable? Don’t I look like I know information?”

L “Hi. I like myself.” “Hold me later if you’re stupid!”

 

GMM 920: L “It’s like if a tornado came through a gas station and your mouth was open, you know, you’d be happy!” “Get the party started, Rhettster!” “This is how kings eat at gas stations.”

R “You’re gonna wanna do this inside the gas station. They’re gonna look at you funny!”

R “...and a chicken pot pie is only as good as its walls.” L “That can be on the box if we ever sell this.”

GMM 921: R “Barbeque is not a verb. It is not something you do. It is not cooking out. Barbeque Is a noun. It is meat prepared in a very special way.” “I hate it when I don’t know what to think.”

L “I do not order barbeque on a website. That seems weird. I go up to the pig and I pull it.” “My brain is confused, but my mouth is so happy. If I could just take barbeque intravenously, I’d be a constantly happy person.”

GMMore: L “Like, if you want to be invited to every party in your county, just have a pig cooker.”

R “I am making it my mission right now, the most important thing in my life at this moment right now is to become a better barbecue taster.”

GMM 922: L “You don’t want Connor to have your number.” “This game has got my goat!” “eBay hates me.”

GMMore: L “Reindeer pee. It’s just cinnamon flavored which that is what it takes like if you drink it from the source.” R “Yeah, talk about a cinnamon stick.” L “You just turned 83. That joke made you 83 years old. I hope it was worth it.” R “I can’t wait to be 83, man. I’m gonna sit on a porch and just make those kinds of jokes constantly.”

R “Canine anal gland.” L “Expression.”

 

GMM 923: L "Last time I was sleeping, what did you try to do? Grab at the feets." R "Do ya need 'em? Do you really need 'em?" L "I need the feets." R "Why do you need 'em?" L "'Cause I walks on the feets." 

GMMore: Both: “Where my feet?”

 

GMM 924: L “Mr. Cocky has earned the right to take away the choices.” “You know you’re rolling in dough when you got- well, it dudn’t take dough to make yogurt.” “I’m like an old woman who doesn’t know how to pronounce any celebrities’ names right. ‘I love that Burnt Reynolds. I picked up a VHS set from Walmark of him.”

L “That’s my Oprah. I get worked up when I have a good joke.” R “Yeah, you get Oprah-ish a lot.”

R “Melon-Connie. That was my mom’s nickname.”

GMMore: L “There’s no sickness here.” “Feel like a winner!”

GMM 925: R “Well, I always garden in pantyhose. I like a smooth tan look. When I wear a skirt, I want people to be, “Dagummit. Her legs are so tan.’” “You look like you’ve just given birth to, like, twelve alien babies that can only be grown in crocs.” “We have the perfect items for the garden that is your face.”

L “Bust that bean.” R “I can’t bust the bean and that’s what worries me.”

R “Are you wearing a new fragrance? Is that you? Oh! Oh, you fanned it. It’s like a bubble gum.” L “That’s my deodorant, man.” R “You got bubble gum deodorant on?” L “Maybe.” R “Where’d ya get that?” L “Well, my armpits.”

L “Y’all like to give me mushy.” (singing->) “Delicate toes.” “My feet have been nourished.”

R “Feet ain’t for feeling.” L “They’re for gardening.” R “Feet are for gardening.” L “Feet are for gardening, uh, fingers are for feeling.”

GMMore: L “Welcome to ‘Good Mythical More’: It gets you breathing. That’s our new slogan here.” “I am a kindred spirit with any trumpet player.”

R “You learn a lot when to come to my shop.”

GMM 926: L “Sample our beans? Sample our beans? Would you like to sample our beans?” “We could beans those guys.” “I’m the beanius!”

L “Beans, beans, good for your heart. The more you eat, the more you-” R “Love ‘em and want more of ‘em.”

L “Fart. The more you fart, the better you-” R ”Feel.” L “So eat-” R “beans” L “at-” R “every meal.” L “meal.”

R “I don’t think birds make beans. If they do, we should invest.”

R “I’m a man who’s never met a bean he didn’t like.” L “I’m a man who just started liking beans.”

GMM 927: L “Fun fact: Grady Grange’s mating season is that one time in 1986. I love ya, Grady. You’re enthused by big feet!”

R “You’ll never see a Bigfoot face-wince.”

GMMore: L “We’re just one reach away from a ‘Wet One’ at all times.” “‘Cause once you post a Bigfoot sighting, you need not post anything else.” “Never film your friend in a Bigfoot costume closer than thirty-one feet.”

 

GMM 928: R “Your backyard is your kingdom and you are the king or queen of your backyard.” (singing->) “It’s my backyard and I’ll build what I want to.”

GMMore: (playing Minecraft) R “I have a killer instinct. I didn’t know I was like this.” “Houston, we have a problem. I’m stuck in Travis’s hole.” L “I’m like Travis’s brother. I’m just watching you, laughing, but I’m not gonna help you.” R “How do I get out of this?” L “Dig out, dumb nut!”

 

GMM 929: R “I got full brow!” L “I got a full eye! Alright, you won, but I got a better selfie!” R “Good for you!” L “And that’s what matters most!”

L “Don’t expose the baby. Free the baby!”

GMMore: L “Centauri. I would name a kid Centauri if I was plum out of those, if I wasn’t.”

L “This game is my nemesis, man.” R “Well, it’s not your cup of tea.”

GMMore: L “This game is my nemesis, man.” R “Well, it’s not your cup of tea.”

 

GMM 930: L “If you wanna see your future, just look at your butt.”

R “You’re a palm buffer!”

GMMore: L “I do feel like you’re a yearner.” R “I am. I’m a yearner. I’m always yearning and I always have, even in the past. I yearned for my present and my future.” L “You yearninate a lot.” R “Yeah, yeah. I’m a yearninator.”

L “My ideas are my seed corn. I can do this.”

 

GMM 931: L “Back up the truck ‘cause I’m hopping in.” R “I’m getting in the same truck and I don’t even know where we’re going. It could be a garbage truck. I don’t care.”

R “Tastes like I just went into a part of a pet store, and just, like, opened my mouth and dove.”

L “But the cookieness is saving me.” “Send it to the basement, slam the door.”

GMM 932: R “‘Cool Runnings’ was an incredible movie! It defined a generation of Jamaican bobsledders.”

R “They also translated ‘white men can’t jump’ as ‘corn can’t dunk.’” L “That really rolls off the tongue.” R “‘Corn can’t dunk,’ that’s my favorite.” L “No, it can’t. Ask any farmer.”

GMMore: L “Views don’t lie. Hips don’t either.” R “Yep. We should get Shakira to do our theme song.”

GMM 933: Drew: “But don’t you just wanna punch me in the face?” R “Yep.” L “I think you’re a great person and your neck looks really warm.”

GMM 934: L “Booker and the Birdbath. That would be a good tv show in the 80s.” R “Probably not. Maybe a good scene.”

R “Pigs are smart, man! I’ve always known this.” L “You know what, points for you, Rhett! You’ve always known that pigs are smart.” “Extra love and a little bone. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.” “It’s his birthday. Let him do what he wants to.”

L “Jade and Barbara, I hope you’re watching and I hope you’re taking notes.”

GMMore: L “Miniature horses are for winners.”

GMM 935: L “It tastes soft and better.” R “Soft and better! You know what we can do?” “Let’s start bottling LA river water through these things and call it, ‘Soft and Better.’ We can be the mascots. You be Soft, I’ll be Better.” “Link’s soft, I’m better.”

R “We’re gonna have to get a third person who’s gotta be Fruity.” Both “Soft, Better, and Fruity.” Alex “Mike said he would be Fruity.” Mike “I’ll be Fruity.” L “You can be Juicy, you can be Fruity.” R “What a team.”

R “It tastes like what pee smells like.” “Coffee’ll fix everything, Link. You’re gonna be okay.”

GMM 936: L “We are frozen geniuses.”

GMMore: L “We make a good team. With me, us, and my glasses.” “Glitter never bothered me anyway.”

R “I see people.”

GMM 937: L “Fun fact: Ferrets are not real. They’re just stretched out noodle rats.”

GMM 938: L "My grandma’s name was Fanny. It still is. She goes by ‘Nel.’"

 

GMM 939: R “Food poisoning is my favorite movie.” “We’re foodinary geniuses, Link!”

L “Eggplant-o-lantern. That’s a good idea, by the way.” “That’s weird, man. Accidental eating.” “This is exhilarating, guys. I’ve never felt more like an adult.”

GMMore: L “You know you got a good joke when someone says ‘oh, I get it!’ and then explains it.”

 

GMM 940: L “Rhett, the sexy gorilla. That’s what your mom called you in high school.” R “That’s not true.”

R “What, what, what are the chances?! Selfie! Selfie!”

GMMore: R “Are you trying to be funny or are being accidentally funny? Sometimes I don’t know.” L “Hey, just cause you lost the game, don’t talk about how stupid I am.”

L “I’ll grill a mean chicken wing and spend time with my family.” “They only spend time with me if chicken wings are involved.”

GMM 941: L "Today, I am wearing my spicy shirt and by spicy shirt, I just mean a red shirt because I just want to signify that that's the only type of spicy that I like, in shirt form, okay?" 

L “I have the power of choice. Can I also have the power of talk?” “You’re just a guy that can’t choose a long pepper.” “Y’all’ve ruint my cereal.”

R “You can’t let fate decide. You must pull the trigger of your own choosing.” “That’s some hot strawberries!”

R “Absorb! Absorb!” L “Absorb what?” R “The pain!”

L “You’re crying.” R “I’m not crying.” L “Your left eye is crying.” R “I’m absorbing the pain.” L “It’s leaking out of your left eye.”

GMMore: L “I don’t know why I don’t like coconut. I’m such a jerk. I’m sorry, coconut.” “I’ll never turn down a pineapple.”

 

GMM 942: L “Listen, we like to think of ourselves as pretty hip guys.” R “Oh, yeah.” L “We pick up what you throw down!” R “That’s right. YOLO bae, your swag is on fleek.”

L “Are we gucci?” R “We’re gucci.”

R “Get my towel!”... L “I don’t like to wet things. That makes me ‘GMT.’ That gets me tight. That makes my upset.” … R “That sounds like something you say when you’re getting pumped at the gym. GMT! That barbell makes me tight.”

L “Don’t get angry at the slangers!” R “Well, I just feel like they need to consult me before they put this in Urban Dictionary.”

GMMore: R “Everything about this shirt says that somebody here made it.” “Love is a verb.” “She walked into the room so biscuitly. Hashtag curve.” “Y’all don’t even know about us.”

L “A good country music song would be called ‘Redneck Rubbernecking.’ I do the Redneck Rubberneck. It’s a dance. It’s a line dance.” “Rhett & Link: waterboys for Brooks & Dunn.”

GMM 943: R “I do remember the one time that I peeked at the tooth fairy when I was a child just with one eye. Looked a lot like Kesha. So, I’m doing the math now, putting it together. She’s the tooth fairy.” L “Kesha plus teeth equals tooth fairy.”

L “I also thought that tooths give support.” R “Tooths give support, man. Listen, I love you mythical beasts, but if you send to me your teeth, I’m not making underwear out of them. I don’t want your teeth on my body parts.”

GMM 944: L “I’m not really good at using knives.”

L “I’m not really good at cutting things. What? Like you know how to cut an onion, Drew.” D “I don’t.”

R “We’re all very worried about you right now.”

R “Just cutting onions like a man does.” L “I’m just letting bread hang out of my mouth like a man does. I’m a bread hanging mouth man.” R “That’s like a Johnny Cash song.” Both singing-> “I’m a bread hanging mouth man,” R “-coming down the line.” L “Buy a ticket for my train.” R “Last time I hung bread from my mouth, I killed a man in broad daylight.”

L “This is a classy internet show.” R “I just gave you a gentleman’s offer to fart.” L “I felt like something else could have happened.” R “Oh, if you try to force a fart?” L “Yeah. Season finale would come early this year.”

GMMore: R “You know, now that I have a dog, I feel like I can be a better dog. Be a better dog.” “Gather around and be happy, kids!”

 

GMM 945: L “I’ve met Chase’s dad. Yeah, he comes with a chinchilla.” “That’s a cool dude, Lena. I wanna meet your dad!” “I’m good at knowing is someone has dad in their eye.”

R “Go with the nose! Go with the nose! So proud of my son.” “Kid Rock’s cool, man. He’s cool. Look at that jacket. He’s a good guy.” “If we ever go on a father identification quest, trust me.”

L “Okay, Leonardo DiCaprio’s dad is not Charles because that’s my dad!” … R “That’s Link, man. Your dad is you. In fact, I don’t think your mom was involved. I think he cloned a piece of himself. Your dad knows some scientists, man. He cloned himself and that’s how you were made. You’re a clone!” L “I’m cool with that. I don’t know if my mom will be okay with that.”

GMMore: L “I’d like an Oculus Rift.” R “I ain’t Santa, I’m just cutting the hair. I’m done.”

L “What I ask for is a Shop Vac, which is very fatherly, and binoculars. I want my kids to decorate my Shop Vac, like ‘World’s Greatest Dad.’” “We’re starting something new. The Key Ring of Mythicality.” “We want keychains for the one key ring. We don’t want other key rings.”

L “The Mythical Mail Museum is not going away. It is a permanent installation of the Mythical Castle, is what Christy calls this place that we work.” R “She calls it a castle?” L “She makes fun of me. She’s like, ‘your mythical castle?’” R “Wow, my wife would never say that.”

L “We wanna thank all of you who contributed to the Mythical Mail Museum. We pass by it often and we stop and weep.” R “Weep.“ L “We weep.” R “Yeah” L “ We weep openly.” L “We show people who come through-” R “ I can’t go through there without crying and I’m not gonna be able to wear the Key Ring of Mythicality without crying so, keep sending ‘em and we’ll keep crying.” L “But it is a shrine to the family that you’re a part of.” R “Fam.” L “Hashtag fam.” R “We don’t really use that but let’s start.”

GMM 946: L “I feel like I just put my nose up to the butt of sushi chef.” R “I don’t think that’s how it works.” L “That’s not where soy sauce comes from?” R “No.”

R “Do peppermints grow on trees?” Drew “I don’t think so.” R “Peppermilk.”

R “Please do not take stool samples to your guidance counselor. If you want to go to college, do not take it!” “This is like a date in North Carolina. You could have just called this one, ‘North Carolina Date.’” “I don’t know how to be a human right now. I forgot how to hold my arms.”

L “With feces like that, you should be a barber.” “I’ve never had any food that I thought, ‘Hm, I’d like to dip this into aftershave.” “Fruity up top, smokey on the bottom.”

R “This isn’t my nemesis, is it?” L “I don’t think it’s liver.”

R “You got it all down.” L “I got one down. I got number two to go down.” R “What do you mean, number two?” L “I got two installments.” R “Buy one, get one free? BOGO.”

R “That’s the last frontier of food for me.” L “You could put that on the Vick’s label. ‘Helps you conquer your liver fears.’” R “That’s the last common food that I have never been able to eat. This is a seminal moment in my life and you were here for it!”

GMMore:  L “They should put vapor rub on the table at every liver restaurant.” “I’ve been wanting to activate my belly now that there’s all that nastiness down in it.” “I like that sound. I like that gurgling sound.” “Rhett can’t do a kid’s toy.” “Grow into an alien. Grow into someone who can make an alien gut.”

R “I feel like a scientist!” “Hormones made me angry.”

R “If this is what cooking was, I’d cook more.” L “If there was an alien involved?” R “Yeah, you know. If my meals came in a box that looked this fun, I’d cook for myself all the time, and my family.”

R “Ya know what? If those professors at NC State could see us now, they’d be like, look at those guys.’” L “They did it. Thanks to us, they’ve made it.” R “Finally using those degrees, like a couple of smart boys.”

R “No, don’t take all of it. I worked so hard for this! Man, kids toy suck now.” L “Lowkey dad don’t know how to make alien guts.” R “I give up. He’s dead.”

SEASON TEN

GMM 947: L “People are gonna be asking, ‘what did Rhett get into over the break.’” “Can we call this ‘the brown snake tutorial’?”

GMMore: L “Beauty’s on the inside and on the clown-side.” “I’ve liked to have seen a double decker Bob Ross bus!”

R “You know, I feel like I could go into this.” L “I think you could, too. You’d be good at it. Leave me out of it.” R “You’ll be a hair stylist and I’ll be a makeup artist in another life.”  

GMM 948: L “Yeah, a little elbow for the Kevin Costner.” “Purple Priscilla’s are always prowling around my purple Plymouth Prowler.”

L “Oh, Rhett. I will not be guessing because I took my fish oil pill this morning and every time I burp, it tastes like the answer. You take fish oil, too, don’t act like-” R “I do, but I get the non-burp version.”

R “It’s not a fish, but it is the name of the new band I’ve started on the side. We’re a Phish cover band and we play a very trashy version of all the Phish songs. It’s actually not a band, it’s me doing karaoke this Friday. You wanna come? I’m gonna get real trashy and I’m gonna sing a lot of Phish songs.” “There are moments where you really frighten me and I question why you’re my best friend. That was one of them.”

R “It’s like my hair. Serves no purpose except for show.” L “I’m glad you finally come to grips with that.” R “No function whatsoever.”

R "It's basically just a hermaphrodite sea slug." L "Aren't we all"

GMM 949: R “She had an extra womb when she put it on Cwaigslist. You don’t need your womb anymore when you’re sixty-one. You put it on Cwaigslist!” “That’s my favorite band. ‘Fatal Diarrhea.’ They put out all the hits.” “I like to think I’m a good pooper. I like to think I would be a good donor. I got large loads and I’m healthy. I’m like a great dane!”

GMM 950: R “What was that tune?” L “‘Peeing Down Your Leg, Vol. 1.’”

GMM 951: L “That is a juicy nanner!”

R “Pickled Snickers parts otherwise known as Snickles.” L “We could sell these at the fair. We could call ourselves St. Snicholas.” R “St. Snicholas! Where are we selling ‘em?” L “Christmas fair.”

R “Be the pizzle king! If you wanna be the pizzle king, you gotta pay the price. You gotta pipe the piper and eat his pipe!” “I’m the pizzle king!”

GMM 952: L “You know what I say about a lion turd! Polish it!” “I believe in you, Shia. He pulled a tooth for a role! How can he not get nominated for an Oscar? How many teeth does he have to pull to get nominated for an Oscar?”

R “I’m the goldened banana! Don’t make eye contact with me!”

GMM 953: L “I don’t know the anatomy of a bayou!” R “‘The anatomy of a bayou with Link: a company by the music of White Rain’”

L “Never turn down a meat shower!” “Vulture Vomit’s album, ‘Death by Dookie Balls’. Pick it up now at Target, exclusively!’”

R “...Vulture vomit, my other favorite band.” “That’s the euphemism for flushing a toilet on a plane: ‘Straight to the Cinnamon's house’.”

R “They think that it’s discarded fuel tanks from a space station, which really freaks me out because when you say, ‘a space station,’ I’m like, I thought there was the space station! Is there other space stations up there that are dropping balls?” L “Black balls.” R “And now we’re finding out about it?” L “Yes.” R “Goat farmers are finding out about it? What kinda world do we live in?” L “Ones where space stations blackball us.”

GMMore: L “You can’t fail when you’re having fun!” “Raise it like money with Krispy Kreme donuts.” “Can I take over? I’m getting bored.” “You know what? I’ma give you 12 high fives.”

GMM 954: R “...while vacationing, I call myself Count Rhett Von Desel.” L “Not with me, you don’t.”

L “I like anyone building labs in planes.”

L “She looks like Michael from Halloween or a pinata!” R “Oh, come on! Don’t talk crap about her! She’s beautiful, Link!” L “I mean, you hit her in the wrong place, candy comes out! Or the right place.” R “Don’t take her to a kid’s birthday party in Southern California.”

GMMore: L “Some of the script from Buddy System is creeping into our improv.”

R “I’m just telling you this right now, if I die and you wanna use a little bit of my credit card to go have some fun, bring me along! I mean, it’d be a great way to remember me!” “And the other thing that I’ll let you know is I do have buried treasure and I will dance towards it. That is a fact, son.”

 

GMM 955: R “Link, you’re on a roll, man. I’m very, very impressed.”

R “We should be in the Smithsonian, man! Don’t they have a sculpture part?” L “I do think we’ve earned at least tickets to the Smithsonian.”

GMMore: R “Guys, this is questionable.” “Thursday means g-mail.”

GMM 956: L "Who's Jufran? Me." 

R “I lost by one centimeter? I lost by one centimeter! What are the freaking chances I lost by one centimeter?”  L “I love throwing darts!”

GMMore: L “I’m a seated darter!” “Ranch is like mayonnaise with confidence. That’s why I like it. It’s bold.”

GMM 957: L “I love wars without casualties!” “Get me some gravy!” “I could have inhaled this whole sword if I’da sucked harder! I’m glad that didn’t happen!”

R “Do you like my Ja Rule impression? I worked on it for at least ten minutes.” L “Sound like DMX.” R “But he kinda sounds the same.”

R “Please don’t hurt me, or me.” L “What about me?” R “Ah, well, that’s up to you!”

L “There’s no dancing like nomadic dancing.” R “Yeah, it wouldn’t be the first time.” L “Ain’t no dancing like nomadic dancing and nobody dances nomadically!"

GMM 958: R “...I’m faking my own beard...”

GMMore: L “I’m not ashamed to say how much of a dog person I’ve become that like, this dog is running around in exuberance and it gives me joy untold, unmatched in any other way.” “When you got a dog just sitting there protecting you, you feel like a king.”

 

GMM 959: L “Robots need to back the heck out of the valley. The closest we need to get is Rosie from The Jetsons! That’s it!”  

GMM 960: L "You can put science on a shoe and we can put Kevin back in middle school. Anything is possible.”

L “Shoutout to you, mini pigs because just ‘cause you’re smaller, dudn’t mean you’re oinky!” R “And...wow!”

 

GMM 961: R “Wow. You change a diaper in a really creepy way.”

L “Looks like something you do in the club. Get on the tractor. We’re doing some baby farming!”

L “White girl hoeing? Like in a garden!” R “You win the internet today ‘cause you said ‘white girl hoeing.’”

GMMore: L “‘Fresh out the sock’. That’s our rap album.” R “That’s a follow up to ‘White girl hoeing.’ They’re back at it again with ‘Fresh out the sock’!”

R “You got nipple face, Drew!”

 

GMM 962: L “Don’t get braces from Hello Kitty herself.”

GMMore: R “...our series that’s coming out this fall, ‘Buddy System...’”

R “The whole thing is being made in a cave.” L “In a cave where it’s being edited and fashioned and forged. Forged deep within the cave!”

GMM 963: R “When I think cosplay, I think you put some effort into it, you didn’t just buy something off of a rack.”

GMMore: L “I ain’t gonna be his Robin!” "I'm so proud of all of you." 

R “How ‘bout just Robin and Robin?” L “Robin and taller Robin.” R “We couldn’t agree on who is gonna be Batman so we’re both Robin because we both can’t be Batman.”

GMM 964: R “They brought Charles and his boys into the ship and where they poked and prodded them, emphasis on prodding. There was a lot of prodding.” L “Oh, you're into that?” R “No I'm just giving you the facts.” (submitted by Ashley @mythicallyash)

L “Some of the words that I say like, people things happen, I don’t, just-” R “But we all know what you mean.” (submitted by @lohnlightning)

GMM 965: R “Mythical beasts, your questions are like dreams and our answers are like your alarm clock that says, ‘GET UP AND FACE ANOTHER COLD HARD DAY OF REALITY IN THE REAL WORLD! PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS AND YOUR BIG GIRL PANTS AND DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEMS!’” L “Make sure you put both your big girl and big boy pants on. You gotta be totally prepared, uh, for both genders, I don’t know what that means.”

R “The backside of Bob Ross is so comfortable.” “I have leaarrnned something.” “Flaccid fruit? I don’t know if you can use those words together.”  

R “That’s a good slogan. You won’t be able to place the test no matter how hard you try.” L “Can’t place the taste.”

 

GMM 966: R “I can’t tell you how often I get cramps while using the scissors.” “Don’t get any crazy ideas, man. Get lazy ideas!” “Please don’t look at me like that, man! Don’t look at me like that when I’m putting deodorant on. I don’t like anybody to watch me do deodorant especially a man with his tongue out.”

R “Think I look like Shaggy?” L “I let my portraits speak for themselves.”

L “So you wanna back up buddy rolls at amusement parks?” R “Yeah!”

L “It’s like carrying a cushion around with you in the place where it matters the most!"

GMM 967: R “Snap back to reality, oh!”

L “I would watch this. I love to see families in trees! I don’t know, something about that just makes me happy! They’re cozy, they’re happy, but they’re in danger. If they fall, there goes daddy!”

R “But if it were real, it would have been called, ‘West Virginia.’” L “Hm. Throw ‘em under the bus.” R “Oh! I’m sorry, we love you guys! We love you guys. We love you guys.” L “I love West Virginia!” R “And your loving cousins.”

GMMore: R “Don’t look a gimp shift in the mouth, man!” “I’m never sorry for anything, but I apologize all the time.” “I can’t button a shirt with thumbs. Like, I get help with this all the time. I couldn’t live alone!” “I have a lot of trouble.” “The problem is my thumb all [these] years.” “My thumb has been nothing but trouble!”

L “I mean, your apologies are worthless!” R “I’m sorry, man.”

L “Viva la color!” “Why do we not have a book? Because we didn’t think it could be a coloring book, that’s why.” "I color sometimes with my kids and then I look up after 30 minutes and they're not there anymore."