Rhett & Link Quotes, GMM 370-521

(Feb 5 2016)

GMM 1-186, GMM 187-369, GMM 522-667, GMM 668-815, GMM 816-968, GMM 969-1051, GMM 1052-Current

GMM 370: L “Awkwardness is almost a state of mind. Decide what you’re going to do and do it.  Don’t waffle around.” “We do not condone this hot Santa or these Thor glasses.”

GMMore: L “Custom made desk here. Perfect height, perfect width, exactly what we need ever since The Mythical Show..." "That was a fun adventure. Kinda scary, adrenaline, body odor.”

L (reading->) "Dear Rhett & Link, I am delighted to say that I have finished reviewing the attached first two chapters of 'The Dream Walker'..." R "That was my nickname in high school."

GMM 371: R "We will never get into culinary school." 

Jason: “Rhett is the meat master.”

GMMore: L “Kangaroos are known to stink.”

R “Wake up and smell the wild boar!” (L - put that on a t-shirt)

GMM 372: R “I. Am. Hawkman.” “Happy Birthday, Hawkman!” “Not only do I think Hawkman is the best superhero ever, I believe strongly that a Hawkman movie could be the best superhero movie of all time.” “When you really want to get people’s attention, you go into the cone.”

GMMore: L “If I get to wear eye makeup in a movie, I will do it for free.”

GMM 373: Locke: “You’re kinda being a wimp if you think they hurt.” “In my house, we can’t shoot inside, man.”

L “Ohh, in the ball.” “I ate 3 darts.”

GMMore: L “We’re going to be pelted with American girls.”

 

GMM 374: L “I could take a nap right here, right now.” “But he has an excuse, he’s 3. I’m don’t. I’m not homeless.” “That was like a pig choking on pork.”

R “You sound like a pig choking on pork.” (t-shirt saying idea) “You’re just a guy that likes a siesta.”

GMMore: R “My wife hates this, but every so often, I put a couple of pillows in between us. Cause she’s so cuddly.” “You should start your own YouTube channel: ‘Link Sleeps.’”

L “You need to build a larger enclosure. Or a moat.”

GMM 375: R “Let me bite your fingernails.” L “No.” 

L “There’s only one thing worse than having a co-worker that uses incorrect grammar and that’s being the co-worker that constantly corrects their grammar. I mean, that is annoying, I’m just saying, unless you work in the English department of a school, then you can correct them all you want.” 

GMMore: L “You gonna don the sequins and you’re gonna go get some shaboo shaboo?” “You got a pretty neck, but let’s put some hair around it.” “Alright, Sabrina. Let your hair down, say yes.” “Don’t go stag to the prom. We learned from that, then we took dates.”

GMM 376: L (about Sam->) "Don't hold it against him, teachers. He has two weird dads and we don't know what to do with him." 

R "Isn't Beyonce the queen?"

GMM 377: R “Always mug a man that's makin' jazz hands.” "We’ve got a tumblr and we retumble things that you tumble because we’re really into tumblr…"

GMM 378: L “I just like to have friends. Can I make a friend because I have a Russian fact?” “So if we balled Russia up, it can be a planet.” “What did the elbow say to the pasta? We’re both pasta!” 

GMMore: L “It pisses me off when somebody walks in my house with sock, sweats. What is it, movie night, family, slumber party?” “I’m smelling a stereotypical stink here.” “I love when women carry heavy things. That’s just me, personally. It’s just sexy, man.” 

GMM 379: L “...cause swans make geese, right?” R “Swans make other swans unless there’s something wrong with them.” 

GMMore: R “Was there a Valentine’s Day that you ever forgot while dating? No! Was there a Valentine’s Day you forgot while married? Heck yes! It’s just a reality.”

GMM 380: L “I just feel like my masculinity just is drained from my body as I enter the Panera. I don’t know, it’s like, it’s a woman’s lair. You know, there’s breads and stuff being baked and it seems like, ‘I shouldn’t be here.’” 

L “...I’m saying women love Panera and when I’m there, I wanna have an excuse, but I do like it.” R “You feel like a woman, yeah.” 

R “My mom subscribes to People magazine and I read the heck out of the thing when I go back home for the holidays.” L “Do you read it in the bathroom secretly?” R “No, I read it openly in front of my family but that’s because they’ve accepted me for who I am.” L “And who are?” R “A man who like People magazine!”

L "...I would like a secret Pinterest account and I'd like all the things that are previously listed on my list to be pinned on that said account." R "You want pictures of men in spray tans on your Pinterest account?" L "I want a secret account where I can figure out how Pinterest works." 

L “Hey, Jimmy Page, can you, just take it, take five, okay?” R “Cool, bro! You let me know when you’re ready, bro!”

GMMore: L “I don’t want to spoil your fun, but I think you’re having it at the expense of everyone else listening.”

GMM 381: L "Enough backstory!" "Give that to somebody else's baby, maybe, but not my baby!" "Why are we doing this? Science!" "What have we become?" "If you're keeping score at home, we are losers." "Verdict. People. Let's give it. Grammar. English. Question mark." 

R "Put that on a t-shirt: Dog food's better than baby food." L adds: "any day of the week."

R "Kids, if you're gonna eat glue, don't, but if you insist on it, do it with Sriracha." 

R "I'll be Rafe, you be Jared." L "Well, it depends on what they do in the book."

GMM 382: L “‘Sign this if you don’t want me to keep crapping in your yard. It’ll get back to the people who feed me.’” “Attach signage to every cat.”

GMMore: L “‘Ladies man gorilla,’ that’s what they call me. Gorilla man for the ladies.”

GMM 383: L “And I think that’s the working definition of a redneck is someone who sits on something, takes to the air and then starts to flail about.” “Snow plus kayak equals snow-kayaking equals instant death.”

GMMore: L “‘Cause you’re the breadwinner.” R “Mhmm. I am. I also am the bread cooker sometimes.” L “Not baker.” R “Let me cook some bread for ya, baby!”

L “Welcome to ‘Talking in Circles with Rhett & Link.’”

GMM 384: R “The plan was foiled by a MORON. And I’m not happy about it, moron, wherever you’re at. Headbanded moron.”

GMM 385: L “You should have a woodworking project with you that’s finished at all times.”

Both: “Can you curl that?”

L (reading->) “‘In this package is a painting I did of your logo with a touch of realism.’ A touch? No, that’s just a whole slather of realism!” R “So this thing is a detailed version. I mean, and I look like me and you look like ye. You know what? That usually doesn’t happen when people do these kinds of things.” L “That’s because it was done with the master’s touch.”

GMM 386: R “Buenos mythical dias.”

GMMore: R “Oh my goodness, we have lost a light. We’re just gonna have to continue in darkness.”

GMM 387: R “My taste buds are confused like a cat that eats coffee for a living.”

GMMore: L “I make coffee in a fresh prince.” “I would take them out of an elephant’s butt, too...” “As the king’s evil, I make an edict that all people shall take coffee up the rear twice a day.”

GMM 388: R “I love the concept of time travel and I want it to be possible. Let me just go on record saying that I hope it is possible and I hope I can partake in it at some point.”

GMM 389: R “...We’re gonna have the very first meeting of people who met on an app.” “It’s like going on a first date with a guy and his two uncles.”

GMMore: R “So, as you get older, now I don’t know what the average age of the person who watches ‘Good Mythical Morning’ is, but I have noticed something-” L “47.” R “I have noticed something about the average person who’s younger than us these days and you guys, you don’t like awkwardness enough and we really, as you can tell,” L “We love it.” R “we REALLY like it. L “Yeah.” R “So when you just think that we’re being weird, it’s because this is as good as it gets for us. Being two creepy uncles in a big SUV with two people that just met for the first time who are getting fake ice cream,” L “Like a dream come true.” R “that is like A plus plus experience for us,” L “Yeah.” R “and if you don’t understand that, then I feel sorry for ya.” L “We’ve never connected with a female via text.”

R “We toasted each other twice and that’s never happened!”

GMM 390: L “It’s good to always keep a pool of enemies around that you can get to backfill the job that you hate. It’s a different type of revenge.”

GMM 391: L “You know we bring a lot of baggage to this show.”

R “So apparently, if you have the proper documentation, you can take all the human heads you want.”

GMM 392: L “I eat so few tomatoes ‘cause I hate ‘em that-and then when I thought it was an olive, I started to wretch.” “That’s a good palate cleanser after eating that olive tomato!” “I taste everything by sight, Meghan.”

Meghan “Olives don’t burst.” L “They don’t?” M “No.” L “They slice?”

R “Is cheese a berry?” “I thought it was cheese-berry!” “Lots of berries are slimy!” “Banana’s a good fruit. If you don’t like bananas, I don’t like you!”

GMMore: R “I used to think as a child that every time I ate strawberry, I was planning a strawberry tree in my belly.” Meghan: “‘Cause strawberries grow on trees, kids.”

R “In New Zealand, the stitches go the other way.”

 

GMM 393: R “I looked into your brain.” L “You were looking into my brain?” R “I was. I saw your hair, though. Your hair’s in the way.”

L “It ain’t never occurred to nobody where we’re from to kiss anybody on the cheek, unless-” R “You’re related to ‘em!” L “-unless it’s your aunt or your grandma-” R “It’s a woman that you’re related to. You can kiss the heck out of that woman’s cheek.”

L “I kiss all those people on the lips, by the way.” “Nana, I kiss her on the lips. On my dad’s side, I kiss ‘em on the lips.”

R “...you know, but interestingly, your mom kisses me on the cheek. She really goes for it, too.” “She sticks around for a couple of seconds, too.” “I think she likes my beard. I think she likes her lips on my beard.” “I do not kiss your women back.”

R “Tell me what to do now or I’m gonna really freak out.” L “What is wrong?” R “I’m lost! I feel like I’m in the studio though, somewhere.” L “Uh.” R “I see Lionel Richie and a fox.” L “Uh.” R “Where am I?” L “Rhett?” R “Yeah?” L “Turn around, buddy.” R “Oh. Sometimes I get a little mixed up.”

GMMore: L “If you do brunch, you’ve got to do the cheek kiss in Silver Lake.”

R “You didn’t even want to fist me! I’m not asking to kiss you.” L “I know because it’s a slippery slope, sir.” R “I started out the night just fist-bumpin’.” L “We did the plexiglass kiss and I’m still trying to recover from that.”

L “But, I was like, ‘She strikes me as the type of person that I should cheek kiss right now.’” R “This wasn’t some awesome event, you weren’t dressed up, there was no music playing. You were in a lobby next to a table with jalapeno cheddar cheetos on it-” L “All of that’s true.” R “-and you wanted to kiss her cheek?” L “All of it’s true. What does it mean?” R “It means you’re slipping, man.”

GMM 394: R “I love things with post-it notes on it. Gotta see it.” “Anytime I draw a skull, it’s of women’s bodies. That’s a given.”

R “That’s your number one?” L “Yeah, it’s pretty cool, right?” R “Hey! I’m with you.” L “You’re with me?” R “Yeah. I think you’re great.” L “Rhett thinks I’m great.” R “I think you have a great eye for movie posters.”

L “I’ve amassed a list of what I believe to be the most iconic movie posters in deja vu.”

GMMore: R “I inherited that from my mom. We can’t say names.” “The best movie posters are the ones that look like Benicio Del Toro. That’s my new theory now.”

L “Take enough laxatives, it does feel like an exorcism.”

GMM 395: L “You shouldn’t apologize for unfollowing a friend. They should apologize for making a boring, self-interested feed.”

L "We love teachers!" R (singing) “Big fan of teachers. We hofe they’re all watching.”

GMMore: L “It’s unadulterated tanner.” (singing)-->“Just call me Zestee!”

R “My mom always told me ‘ You’re so good at shading.’” “When you get home tonight, say, ‘Hey, Christy, I want to show you my Zestee side.’”

GMM 396: R "Pep talk. It's one of my strengths." "You have a whisper of discontent. That's why I always whisper to you, to try to speak to your heart."

L "I don't have a competitive bone in my body." 

GMMore: R "I like being a secret leader." "I get people to submit to me and they don't even know they're submitting to me." 

L “Who are these people that need bridges?" "I like to label people." "I would never buy an exotic car." "That idea you’ve got, that brilliant one that you see withering and dying? Yep. That’s because of me. I’m the witherer of your ideas. Bring me your ideas and pearls and I will polish the pearls and I will kill your ideas.”

GMM 397: L “With the advent of, you know, hand-held devices, Rhett, I mean, it’s just inevitable that people are going to start snapping away and snapping away and snapping away. No escaping it.” “Well that’s probably sad, that is probably true, and it is definitely sad.” “It’s ‘cause women have more brains, it’s hard to keep their head straight.” “Meeting of the minds! Hashtag!” “Some scientist out there got a protractor out on instagram. Man, you gotta get life, dude!”

R “Do you tilt your head? Are you 24 years old?”

GMMore: L “No one has gotten lice from a selfie.” "Our kids bounce a lot."

GMM 398: R “That’s all I need of her right there. She can save my day anyday.”

GMMore: R “Embarrassed. While, during, and after.” “You know, the selfie world is getting really competitive.”

L “You don’t want to look embarrassed in your selfie.” “In the future, they’ll be a ‘Smelfie.’”  

 

GMM 399: R “I’ll give my leg hairs for their men’s beards. I don’t know if you want my leg hair, it’s kinda curly.”

GMM 400: L "Cake beard!" "Ooooh, we just gave birth to a can of bacon!"

GMM 401: L “He who laughs last is the last laughing owl to ever have laughed.” (R - put that on a t-shirt)

GMM 402: L “When in Rome, well, get nekked. I think that was the saying.” R “But it wasn’t Rome. It was Death Valley.”

R “Hello, internet!”

GMMore: L “If you like dry places with few people with few clothing at times and water coming out of rocks that’s hot, go to Death Valley.”

L “While nude, I don’t wanna piggy back ride on anybody. Well, not, I mean, maybe somebody, um, like my wife.” R “Just stop talking.”

R “When you see a man with a flat top and it’s working, you immediately listen to-” L “Do everything he says.”

 

GMM 403: R “I love games!”

R “I’m almost as smart as a phone. Smarter than Siri. I asked Siri to call me ‘Mac Daddy’ and she didn’t wanna do it.” L “She’s smarter than that.”

L “‘Cause when I’m driving through places, like, Yelp, I wanna know what’s a good place to eat and I also wanna know where the cool people are so I can eat with them.” “Never has the use of a smartphone made someone look so stupid.”

GMMore: L “I tried out an imaginary friend, it didn’t work out, like in preschool.” R “That’s only yourself to blame, though.”

 

GMM 404: R “Right now, in another dimension, this show is happening, in another universe, and it’s a little bit different.”

R “There is a version of this show in which I talk like Jeff Goldblum and I have glasses and there’s a version where Link wears pants on his head.” L “Call me ‘Pants.’”

R “Love you, man.” L “Well, I mean, I like you as a friend.”

GMMore: L “Love you as a brother, Rhett. I love you as a brother.”

R “‘Cosmologists’- Isn’t that somebody that works on your hair?” L “Yep. Cosmetologist.” R “I don’t think we should trust cosmetologists.” L “Cosmetologists everywhere agree there is a multiverse and the updo is in.” R “I’ve worked on enough hair in my day to know that there’s another universe out there!” L “There’s a universe where they’re doing every single hairstlye imaginable.” R “Yeah, man. There’s a universe out there where my hair goes down and yours goes up. Think about that!” Both “Whaaa?!”

 

GMM 405: L “My foodway opens up and air goes down it…” R “That is a problem.” L “I have had burps that have rumbled on for like, minutes.”

R “You know what happens when you steal something like you did today.” L “You go to prison.” R “Yeah.” L “And that’s where Tommy was.” … R “And it was in Texas so he got executed.” L “And you know what?” R “That’s what’s gonna happen to you.” L “You need to return it.” R “Sleep tight.” L “Right now.”

GMMore: R “I’ve learned something very specific eating all this stuff that’s got bacon flavor on it. Bacon is good.” L “Bacon flavor. Not good.” R “Bacon flavor. Not once has it been good.”

L “There’s a reason why bacon exists the way it does. That’s how it tastes, good.”

 

GMM 406: L “Ridicool me! That’s when you get rid of my cool.”

L “If it’s not in a hotel, it’s not a convention.” R “You might be the convention king!”

R “Only the best for the Convention King!” L “Hi! My name is Convention King!”

GMMore: R “We still have the Box of America. People ask about it.”

R “How do you say ‘g-o-t-h’?” L “G-o-t-h? That’s not a word.” R “Uh, yeah it is.” L “Hold on, I put a ‘c’ in there.” R “Gotcha!”

R “That’s a good cartoon idea. ‘The Goth Golfer.’”

 

GMM 407: R “The thing that I enjoy about amusement park rides is the perceived risk of dying.” L “Which makes me wanna line up for anything.”

L “Did you go female on me?” R “Yeah. I’m a female in the audience.”

L “I prefer the female you. I’m not gonna lie.”

GMMore: R “Courtney’s my female name.” L “Courtney Rhett.” R “Yeah, when I take female form, I go Courtney.”

R “The female version of me was really popular in high school.”

 

GMM 408: L “I’m willing to sacrifice my nose for space!”

GMMore: L “Mention Uranus and Stevie’s gonna laugh over there.” “It's getting silly up in here.”

R “Elon Tusk, you wanna watch House of Farts with me? It’s a big Netflix hit.”

GMM 409: R "I love conclusions." "Yoga pants! Where's that 40-year-old woman with yoga pants and earbuds? You smellin' my wife's non-existent perfume? Huh? You wanna fight? You wanna fight me? Huh?"

L "Well, we're a strange family, but what are you?" 

R "Are you a clone?" L "No. Are you a foul-mouthed sailor?" 

GMMore: L "Are you stupid enough to repeat the stupid thing [that] you just said?"

GMM 410: L "I have punched my wife in the face while sleeping in the past..." "Get your spouse to punch you in the face if you wanna have more vivid dreams."

GMMore: L "Put that on a commercial. 'Cars Land does gets nice at night.'"

GMM 411: R “It smells like my kid’s feet.” “Hey, sprinkle my ant heads with some ant parts!” “I’d rather eat poop.” “Let’s name him: HERB!” "You will own the internet if you do this." “Well this has been a good day, Link ate a scorpion and I got a tarantula.”

L “You been smelling your kids' feet?" "I only eat female Katydids.” “I own you, scorpion.” "They call me the Scorpion King. They made a movie about me." 

GMMore: R “Yeah, we spoil our tarantulas around here.” “I can’t read Herb really well, but you know, I just got him!”

GMM 412: L “I’ve seriously considered doing the whole janitor key ring thing…” R “That would make you even cooler. And I’d know where you are at all times. I’d hear you coming, like you’d be ringing your little bell and be ‘oh, here he comes!’ and then as you get older and you start losing your mind, you know-” L “I’m already there, brother.” R “You need a big key ring and you know what? You could clean this place up. You could be the janitor! We need one!” L “No, I’m not gonna do that.”

GMMore: R “And I just throw my keys where I take my pants off.” L “Which is all over the place?” R “Which is any room. Sometimes, outside. I’ve taken my pants off outside. It’s California.”

L “I’m living in my own prison.”

R “Any man who’s got pajama pants on is a follower. I’m just saying, I go out there in whitey tidies and my kids are like, ‘he is the tribe leader.’” “He’s definitely the chief. I should also be in my briefs.”

GMM 413: R “That’s the theme of my sleeping bag that I travel with: clouds.”

L “I don’t look like a dog.” “I’m a bagel that says, ‘ding.’ I’m a dingy bagel. ‘Cream Cheesy’. That’s what they call me.”

GMMore: L “I mean, I don't want to toot my own bagel here, but that was amazing." “If you fell for that, it’s because I’m an amazing actor.”

GMM 414: R “...one of my favorite things in life are studies of mothers from the United Kingdom.” “You’ve got Linkle! You don’t need Google!” “‘The Feeling of Wetness.’ That was the name of my band in high school. I was the lead singer. Linkle and Rhettle, The Feeling of Wetness.”

L “Je suis smarte!”

L “What are shadows made of?” R “Shadows are made out of all the bad things you do and think about...”

R "What did you call them?” L “Obligate ram breathers.” R “That was the name of my band in college after ‘The Feeling of Wetness’ fell apart." “We were good.”

GMMore: L “Just turn your BS faucet off for a second.” “Never make eye contact with a blacksmith…”

R “You can’t look directly into the eyes of a blacksmith without sunglasses.” “Never finance a depreciating asset.”

R “Give Boris a break, man at the place.” L “Give Boris a break.”

GMM 415: R “I wish I could make things true by just saying them! That would be a great superpower!”

L “Welcome to the twenty-first century! I just got here!”

L “I love spring cleaning. It’s one of my favorite things. I spring clean every season. It’s just theraputic to throw things away. I’m looking for things to throw out. There’s a sense of control, I think, in throwing things away and I’ll admit that I like to have a sense of control over my life. It’s an illusion, but I like to have it by cleaning, so-” R “I feel sorry for you.” L “-and incidentally, that’s one of my major compatibilities with my wife so you can feel sorry for her, too.” R “I feel sorry for both of you.” “I like going to your house ‘cause it’s so clean. I’ll lick the floor in your house. It’d be like, ‘I know it’s clean! Tastes like Pledge!’”

GMMore: L “I know that some of you are probably questioning my sanity by stabbing the eyeball out of my cookie...” “I just don’t want people to think I’m crazier that I need some sort of treatment.” R “But that’s, I mean, we’re way past that, you understand.”

R “I wish I was an Eagle Scout, really. Wish I was prepared. Always be prepared. That’s the motto of the Boy Scouts.”

 

GMM 416: R “I love pizza. Pizza’s so good. I’m reminded of that every time the pizza plank goes into my mouth!” “I would like to be served this way for all meals!” “I think I’m a pizza expert, guys.” “I feel like I could be, like, an olympic pizza plank guy…”

GMMore: L “I kissed Craig’s beard. What happened? The Wheel of Mythicality. It’ll do crazy things. It’s okay. All for the comedy.” “The best pizza experience I’ve ever had was in Chicago. It was at, I think it was Pizza Uno? Pizzaria Uno, but I also ate at Lou Malnati’s...”

 

GMM 417: R “Every time I hear about cruise ships in the news, it’s about people getting diarrhea.  It’s like, ‘the whole cruise ship got diarrhea and they had to turn around.’ It’s like, that doesn’t sound like something I want to invest in! I get diarrhea enough without investing in it!” “I get diarrhea just from bad food choices. I don’t want it to be a result from my living quarters!”  

GMMore: L “I’m sure you’re great, but there’s some fans out there that like, who knows, loose cannons. Being trapped on a ship with them, it’s kinda scary. Course not mythical beasts...” “I may be the one stabbing my cookie face, but you’re the one wanting to make amusement parks where ya die. ‘Death Cruise,’ that’s what you’re saying?” “Don’t breathe deeply in the cocaine factory.” “If we had a ‘Rhett & Link’ cruise,...we would just, like, hang out. Like, ‘hey, what kind of cheese...are you eating?’”

GMM 418: L “Since when then do they not make ashtrays in cars anymore?”

R “You want to retrofit old cars with your gesture technology?” “Are you trying to kill me again?”

GMMore: L “I don’t know why I’m such a morbid person.” “Mythicalest beastus maximus.” (speaking to Siri->) “Hey, Rhett, it’s Link, I was just texting you to let you know that, um, you know, I just been thinking about some things and um, I don’t know, it’s just complicated at this point, uh, maybe it’d be better just to have a phone call, I don’t know why you’re not returning my texts, um, you’re the one making it weird, uh, a little honesty goes a long way and uh, I’m not giving up on our friendship, but you need to pull your weight, um, listen.”

R “I think it is that you need to workout. You can become like Carrot Top.” “I feel like this group, you mythical beasts who come to watch ‘Good Mythical More’, I feel like you’re the mythicalest mythical beasts, it’s like a new level of mythical…”

GMM 419: R “I suggest the salmon! I feel really strongly about the salmon!”

GMMore: L “There’s an inverse ratio between you finding this funny and me finding it enjoyable...” “Bloop me later.” “If you’re questioning whether you should send a text, you should just call.”

R “The first cell phone call I made was in 2001. I got married and I bought my wife and I phones and I gave it to her and I called her, I was like, ‘this is so cool.’”

GMM 420: L “...I recommend wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘Prom Much?’” “People will line up! ‘Yeah, I would like to prom much!’ It’s like, ‘okay well, you can do that me!’” People are into this. It’s amazingly stupid!”

R “If there are corsets at your prom, you should contact your school board.”

GMMore: R “You gonna sit there and be a wallflower or are you gonna dance with the janitor?”

L “Much respect to janitors and lunch ladies but not to this guy and his advice.”

 

GMM 421: R “I’ve never been more ready to eat meals ready to eat!” “Let’s open a restaurant that’s called, ‘MREs Please’!” “It smells like a bad fart. Like a post-Super Bowl party fart.”

L “I might start cooking if I can just cook out of a box!” “That is the worst smell I’ve ever smelled!”

GMMore: R “I have never punched you in the face but there are things that would cause me to do it.” L “Is this one of ‘em?” R “Putting black 38 year old applesauce into my face? Yes.”

GMM 422: R “I’m going to help you drive your wife crazy.” “You know what happens when Europeans start studying things? I start reading about it.” Okay, I’ve seen enough to know that you need science.” “I don’t wanna stop what’s in progress here.” “I like to say, ‘Would you like a little pa-pa-pasta with some ch-ch-ch-cheese? Mac & cheese, my friend. That’s what I’m talking about. Mac & cheese. I got some in my trunk over there on the other side of the parking lot. It’s for sale. Just letting you know about it.”

L “I’m gonna demonstrate my reproductive quality while dancing. That seems dangerous.” “I feel like at any moment something could pop and never go back.” “Yeah, I could feel her on the other side of the lenses just kinda clawing at me.” “I feel like thousands of people were put at risk by some of those moves I did.”

GMMore: L “And then I brought him back to my women. And we prepared his flesh together and nourished ourselves for weeks on the flesh of an ox and it involved a lot of my left wrist and shoulder.” “I won in my heart.”

R “Our names were MC Scott and DJ Straw Beat.” [?] “I thought that people thought that we were really cool.”

GMM 423: L “My kids will never smell a story fart.”

R “Couldn’t go through a list without a couple of fart jokes!”

GMMore: L “We were livin’ on the edge in college, guys. A little caffeine, little sugar!”

L “There will be a day where there’s not books...” R “I don’t believe that.” L “I don’t know, I believe that.”

R “The flathead is like the rescue screwdriver. That’s what I use it for. I rescue myself all the time with a flathead screwdriver. I’ll never give it up. You try to take it away, future! See what I do, FHS!” L “Eat that, future! I’m gonna be stockpiling flathead screwdrivers!” R “I’m gonna be the flathead man when the future rolls around. I’m gonna have a whole shed full of ‘em!”

R “That’s gonna be the name of my store. ‘Flathead Action.’”

GMM 424: L “Scooters make everything better.”

GMMore: L (about French bathrooms->)  “I’m a different person because of it.” “I found the best bathroom ever in France. ‘The Big Bad Momma Bathroom.’”

GMM 425: L “My wife did this our first year of marriage a whole lot.” R “You mean at your head?” L “Yeah, she got mad at me and she’d throw a shoe.”

R “I get gassy when I get nervous ‘cause I don't know what’s happening.”

GMM 426: R “I know my colleges.” L “It’s also community colleges.” R “Oh! That’s my specialty!”

R “I’m a great guesser!”

GMMore: L “I think whenever you have to add ‘fighting’ in front of the name of your mascot, you’re compensating for something.” “Don’t put ‘fighting’ in front of your mascots, put ‘possessed’ in front of it.”

R “The first time I remember a mascot, I remember thinking, ‘boy, that guy must be sweaty in there.’” “I thought it was cool. I wanted to be one, but I don’t fit in mascot outfits.” “A slug as big as a banana is a problem.”

 

GMM 427: R “This girl’s date was going to be a muppet until she killed it and made it into a dress.” L “Her hands are still bloody. Or those are just gloves.” R “Yeah, well, that’s the blood from the inside of a muppet-” L “Muppet blood gloves.”

GMMore: R “But I do remember making a creative choice at some dance in college, it was Meredith College, where your wife went. Me and Gregg were going with two girls, I don’t remember who they are, but we decided to go-...I wore all white. We wore all white but with a gold [?] tie and cumberbuns. We called ourselves ‘The Golden Twins.’” “We should chaperone some people’s proms. We should make ourselves available to chaperone proms.” “You should see me in tails, then you’ll pay me ten grand.”

L “I wonder what the pay would be. They pay you in punch? I don’t like punch.” “Celebrity chaperone.” “Rhett and Link: Professional Prom Chaperone Celebrities!”

R “Don’t pull on my tails, though.” L “Don’t bump and grind me either, I’m a chaperone.” R “If you wanna pull on my tails and bump and grind, you gotta pay extra.”

GMM 428: L “When you can take a fact and you can ‘toid’ it, then it justifies spending ten minutes with us on the internet.” R “These are actually fact-roids, Link. They’re facts on steroids.” L “Cause they’re unnaturally strong.”

L “A little stinky on my pinky from my belly button.” “I love a woman with a hairy belly button. Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-belly button. Put that on a t-shirt and don’t watch anyone buy it.”

GMMore: R “The belly button is a sensitive place. It’s not made to put trees in. I learned that.”

L “Your belly button is twice as big as mine.” R “Maybe three times the size. It’s a sign of intelligence.”

L “Thank you for everything, not just for buying our music. Thank you for everything, but especially for buying our music.”

GMM 429: L “I’m not talking about going on MayoClinic.com and self-diagnosing. I’m talking about real diagnosement, like-” R “Diagnosement?” L “Yeah, a real diagnosement. A prognosis.” R “I think you made up a word, but I don’t know.” L “It’s my show, I can make up a word!” R “It’s your show?!” L “You’re with me on this, man. It’s our show!”

GMMore: R “I think we should join the Resistance. We’ll find the first guy, we’ll find the first bald black guy with glasses that don’t have sides-” L “And elect him mayor!” R “-and follow him!” L “Let’s name him ‘Resistance’.”

L “Let’s start a new series just called, ‘What did you watch?’ and half of the time is spent not being able to remember what we watched!”

GMM 430: R “Next time your friend says, ‘I’ll eat anywhere, I’ll eat anywhere, man. Take me anywhere and I’ll eat there,’ you say, ‘okay’ then you stay quiet. You drive to a dumpster. You’re like,  ‘here we are. Let’s eat.’” “You can’t let people play mind games. You have to control them. Take control of the situation. Take them to a dumpster or take a nap. It’s foolproof.”

GMMore: L “‘Hey, man. Wanna grab some dunch?’” “Well, the thing that we tell our kids is, you know, I was taught, ‘clean your plate,’ but the thing that we teach our kids is ‘listen to your body.’’” “When it comes to eating lunch or dinner or dunch, listen to your body. When it comes to dating relationships, don’t listen to your body.”

GMM 431: L “It’s good that one of us has an overly expressive face, I’ll own that and that’s not necessarily a great thing, and you have an underly expressive face.” R “Yeah, yeah. It’s a nice balance. Somewhere in the middle, there’s a good face.” L “Yeah. If we were only one person, we could make adequate faces for computers to understand.”

GMM 432: R “...I envision a time, as we get older, we transition out of this and we transition into sculpting…” “...we gotta drop one letter from the end of both of our names. I’ll still be ‘Rhet’ ‘cause I got two t’s to give. You’ll be ‘Lin.’ ‘Rhet and Lin’.”

L “Our name is ‘Linhett.’”

R “You think I’m making this up. I do wanna sculpt with you.” L “But first I have to put on a shirt that you’re already in.”

GMMore: L “You know a movie is a good movie, not when you watch the movie, but in the week…,certainly the days after you’ve watched the movie, how much your mind goes back to the movie. It’s when I realize that the best movies are the ones that I go back and I think about and I realize something, like, something new about the movie or upon further reflection, I’m rewarded by the movie.” “I love my job. This is a dream job. We have creative freedom out the zoowah!” “It’s just to the left of the wazoo.” “Anything involving heat scares me a little bit.”

L “...when you start to let artwork into your life,..it makes you a-, it enhances, it makes you a better person, it makes you wanna rap about it. I find myself wanting to rap about art.” R “You wanna make some art raps? Artraps.com!”

R “Let’s sculpt internet videos together, Link.”

 

GMM 433: L “I can hear you, but I still don’t know if you’re there.”

R “Google ‘winner’ for me, Link. See if my picture comes up!”

GMMore: R “Dang, look! I beat Clark Gable! Clark Gable’s number three, punk! Look at that!” L “Don’t toot your own horn, man. Let somebody else blow it.”

L “...I’ve set my Google to only return wrestlers.”

 

GMM 434: L “How many monkeys does it take to come up with a half-a-million dollar name? A hundred!”

R “Meat cubed. The meatloaf of the future.” “Marsyas. Now you can peel things like a Greek god.”

R “Neckcape.” L “The one of a kind hairstyle for people who don’t want to show the back of their neck.”

GMMore: L “Go Daddy was originally called, ‘Jomax Technologies.’” “Almost called it Big Daddy, but the URL was taken.” R “Oh, yeah, ‘cause I had it! You ain’t gonna get BigDaddy.com from me!”

GMM 435: Both singing: “Rhett and Link got the beat to make the booty go clap.”

R “Look at that dragon spin. Look at that dragon DJ. He’s a dragon DJ.”

GMMore: R “I was really hoping that mayonnaise would make more noise.” “I want this music to just follow me around. When I want into a room, I want everybody to feel skweee’d.”

L “You really got a schlagger on your hands!”

GMM 436: R “Eight to twelve chihuahua’s? I’m scared of that and I’m a big man!” L “So it is like a land piranha, like, it’s really small, it’s got vicious teeth, got an attitude.”

L “One turkey reportedly smashed through a double paned window of a home scaring the owners and their dog. This was the headline, I’m quoting. ‘Wayward turkey explodes through a window of Brookline home, escapes through the back.’” R “A turkey through a window? These turkeys are on something up there. These are meth turkeys.”

R “This is one of the reasons that I am glad that I live in North America. We don’t have attack monkeys.”

GMMore: R “Canadians are so nice. Canadian geese got attitudes.” “I got drunk squirrels in my backyard. Partying all the time!”

GMM 437: L “I ain’t never had too much taco.” "At first it's like, 'oh okay, a marshmallow taco.' Then it's like, 'Ugh, if you wanna mail something maybe.'"  

R "I think I've met my match." "Tastes like Christmas!" "Boy, if I ever get shipped somewhere for a long period of time, I know what I'm eating." "No, I tag you and then you get in there and you bring the pork blood and you put it on your face and you're like, 'Pork Blood Brothers!' Remember? We worked it all out, man!"

GMM 438: R “They got tents at McDonald’s? [?] happy meal. I gotta go to the Joshua Tree McDonald's!”

GMMore: L “Always check the freakin’ weather!”

 

GMM 439: R “Tincture is a prize.”

GMMore: L “I’ve got the Herpes virus in my system, dude.” R “Yeah, you two. Herpes Simplex 2, right?” L “Well, it’s on my lip, whichever one that is.”

L “I’m addicted to all types of lip moisturizer.” “If you can’t admit that garlic works, you discredit any other type of diagnoses.”

R “For warts, take garlic.”

GMM 440: L "Can we just talk about the poppy seed chicken casserole for the rest of the episode?" "Thank you my mom, Sue. I love you." "That's not true, Sue, mom, never called you Sue before. But I am now because that's how much I love you." "...Toyko"

R "And my mom, Diane. I love you before he loves his mom." "And thank you to our wives who are also moms. My wife, who I love more than he loves his wife, who's also a mom. I'm getting more brownie points right now." "WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT?!" "For the rest of the existence of this show, anytime someone says 'Tokyo', I have to go "WHAAAT?!"

GMM 441 (mislabeled as #440): R “Yeah! I’m an expert at mom! I should have been a mom.” “Sorry moms everywhere.”

R “You are incredibly annoying as a child. I’m glad you’re not my son.” L “I’m not arguing with that. The sad thing is I’m channeling what I was as a child.” R “Oh, boy. I’m glad we didn’t meet until we were six. I would have snuffed you out, man.”

GMMore: L “...and I’m a great father. Question mark. Strikethrough.” R “Well, you know, I’m proud of her because she’s smart enough to figure out-she’s finally piecing it together what it means to have you as a father. It only took a decade.” L “She better be glad she’s got the mom she’s got because she’s got the dad she’s got.”

 

GMM 442: Craigslist caller “I ain’t never, I mean I ain’t knockin’ what you do, but I ain’t never been a big magic man.” L “That’s ‘cause you’ve never seen ‘Coney Island’.”

L “I miss home so much. Thank you, Craigslist. Thank you, Craig.”

GMMore: R “Well, I guess we’ve come to an impass.”

L “I poked myself in the eye once. I was giving somebody directions.”

GMM 443: R “I was expecting a cryogenic chamber to be in a strip mall.” “And listen, there’s nothing under this robe except me.” "Nothing is awesome!" 

GMMore: R “Experiencing nothing is really something.” “Maybe this is my Narnia...”

GMM 444: L “I think when Lincoln grows up, he wants to be Steve.” (talking about Minecraft)

R “Burro Schmidt was a futurist.” “What are you doing with your life? Are you digging?“ “What are you digging? Are you digging a hole for yourself or are you digging a tunnel through the mountains of life?” (Put that on a t-shirt)

GMMore: L “No man is an island. The wind follow me, so keep your distance.”

GMM 445: L “I’ve never looked at my feet and been tempted to take a photo of ‘em.” R “Well, that’s the difference between me and you and Kitty.”

L “We have invented our own micro-blogging application. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s called ‘croaker.’ It’s a frog logo and every post is a croak.” R “You just connect your existing twitter to the croaker account and when you die, all your tweets become croaks.”

R “I’m full of it.” L “Yeah, you can say that again.”

GMMore: R “I once rode the metro with Silver Man.” “I don’t delete anything ever. I’ve still got files from, like, ‘98.” “You are a deleter.” “Call me short-sighted.”

L “‘Never meet your heroes,’ that’s what they say.”

GMM 446: R “I don’t want to ‘Lady & The Tramp’ with you!”

L “It’s like eating Easter morning or something...if the Easter Bunny crapped on a donut.” “Anything worth having is worth biting a lot to get to.”

GMM 447: L “Hey guys. Let’s not get bogged down here. Let’s open a few brain windows.” “Let’s go to the vomit zone.” “Hey guys. Listen. We all know why we’re here. Let’s just straddle the freaking rocket, light the fuse, aim high, and winch, close your eyes.”

GMMore: L “When in Rome, does a bear crap in the woods?”

GMM 448: L “I’m the type of guy that when something happens, I’m like, ‘should I call 911?’ but I’ve never called 911.” R “I have.”

R “I’m relatively quick to call 911.” “When you’ve got your heart set on chicken nuggets, you can’t settle for a Big Mac.”

GMM 449: L "What am I? The Pillsbury Doughboy?"

GMMore: R "You really gotta get better at being a phone." 

L "Hey, how are your fingers because know that must have hurt hitting my massive steeled chest."

GMM 450: R “You’ve heard of jumping jacks. Why does Jack get all the credit? HUH?” “It’s one thing to just draw something out of the blue, but am I the inspiration for this demon cat?”

L (about the wheel) “What you don’t realize, guys, is that this thing right here weighs 1500 pounds and I’m just very strong.”

GMMore: L (reading) "Doctor, Mr McLaugh- oh, I just, I don't know wha-" R “Doctor and Mrs. McLaughlin. Well, that might be a-, a lot of people see us that way! We’re married and I’m the doctor and he’s the Mrs.!”

L "Who knew that heaven was gonna be lined with Korean candies? I now know that. The afterlife." 

GMM 451: L “But you’re not determining if I’m an animal.” R “Right, cause I already know that, to be the case.”

R “I fake laugh at you all the time, man, to make you feel good.” “We’re not animals!”

GMMore: R “What did the banana say to the apple?” L “I don’t know.” R “You peel me, bro?”

GMM 452: R “Turkey Guhrke. There’s no McGehrke. That’s me. I’m the McGehrke around here!” “The woman dies while the dude’s hibernating. What kind of marriage is this?” “Here’s to you, Turkey, and half of your life that you spent in bed!”

GMMore: R “I saw, something changed about my boys this weekend, you know. They became a little bit more of a man. They pooped outside and buried it and the problem is now, I can’ get ‘em to stop.”

 

GMM 453: R “That fox from now on will be called….’Rhett McFox’!” L “What about ‘Rhett McFoxlin?’” R “‘Rhett McFoxlin!’” L “Now I named him after you!”

GMMore: L “It’s just show biz, people. We share makeup. I mean, who we kiddin’. We can’t afford makeup for each of us so we use the same makeup.” “He eats apples with his eyes closed.”

R “Call me Rick or Brett, but don’t call me by my real name.” “If we’re really old, this’ll be good stuff.”

L “Here’s the thing. One day I’m gonna die, and then you’re gonna play this video back, and once everybody agrees that it’s ‘Tootsie Roll’, you’re [gonna] say, ‘you know what? That Link. Too bad he’s gone because he’s been vanquished. He’s been vanquished!’” R “If that’s the only thing that you’re remembered for, for your improper pronunciation-” L “At my funeral, I want you to say that.”  R “I’m going to play this tape at your funeral, and I’ma be like, ‘he was wrong about Tootsie.’”

Jason “Why do you think Link’s gonna die first?” L “I will, I will.” R “He’s more accident prone.” L “But it will be entertaining.” R “When you die?” L “Yep. That’s my final wish. Just, go out with a laugh.”

 

GMM 454: R “...I am really good at knowing when the microwave is going to go off.” “...I got ESP! Or else I have a really good biological clock.” L “You have a sense of how long a minute is.”

L “If you wanna live, you’ll like it.”

GMM 455: R “I’m gonna have the best right foot on the beach!” “My dollar got me a tanned foot.”

GMMore: R “A lot of air going in and hair coming out!”

GMM 456: R “When you begin thinking about things in the bathroom, you begin thinking about infrastructure because you using infrastructure in that moment, ‘Where’s this stuff going?’ And then the next thing you know is, I’d like to know more about infrastructure, then you got a civil engineering degree.” “All because of a little cheese.” “I named a star after you.” “Linkstar.”

L “Everything’s bigger in Texas, but when the women, due to pop culture, decide to downsize themselves, men Texans not happy.” “Oh, look at Tina’s girl, she is a SKANK!”

GMM 457: R "At age three, I was painting the walls of my bedroom with my own poop." "I'm like Poop Picasso!"

GMM 458 (mislabeled as #457): L “There’s nothing scarier than staring down the hole of a butter nozzle.”

GMMore: L "This is a-matrixing."

GMM 459: R “You know what happens when you get a cockroach in your throat, you go for it with a fork.”

GMMore: R “When people are like ‘I don’t eat weird stuff,’ it makes me mad at ‘em. I’m just going to be honest with you. I’m just like, come on, live a little bit! You’ve got one life, you’ve got opportunities to eat stuff, just try some stuff!” (submitted by Sarah (RiverMouse))

L “I’ve never licked a piece of charcoal.”

GMM 460: L “Derek Johnson wrote ‘stay smrat’ in my yearbook and he was not joking and it changed my life.”

GMMore: R “No matter how old you get-” L “You’re never too old for a whoopee cushion.”

R “If you don’t find a whoopee cushion funny, then you need to reevaluate things. Reevaluate your life.”

GMM 461: R “Yo-Yo fusion 2014!”

L “I feel like I could confess something that otherwise I would never say and that’s, okay, I am in love with me. I love myself.” “But I do love myself and I’m fine with that.” “I love me.”

GMMore: R "I believe that there are few things in life that you should be careful how good you get at them. In no particular order, yo-yo-ing.” “Personally, for me and my family, I just don’t think the McLaughlins should be that good at magic.” “Miming. You can add that to the list. You shouldn’t be too good at miming either.” “It’s just in the McLaughlin family, we can’t be too good at magic, yo-yo-ing, juggling, or balloon animals. Just something my dad kinda instilled in me.”

 

GMM 462: L “I really want to go to Niagara Falls especially after learning all the things I’ve learned about these survival stories.”

GMMore: L “I found it very interesting that when you think of a daredevil, you think of some stupid guy on a motorcycle. You don’t think of a 63 year old guy schoolteacher from Michigan in a barrel.”

R “I like adventure and I like to be scared and know that I’m okay, but I don’t like to do things where there’s a significant chance that I’m going to get hurt.”

GMM 463: L "The funny thing was, I went to the optometrist just to get a routine eye exam, did not think I needed glasses at all, and at the end he was like, 'You need some glasses' and tears formed in my eyes, like...honestly, I had an emotional reaction-" R "Your eyes were defending themselves." L "-and I just, I felt like a part of me has died or I'm coming to grips with getting older. I didn't know what it was, but I had an unexpected emotional reaction..."

R "This is like the evolution of Link's glasses. It's kinda like 'The Evolution of Robin Thicke' album. My wife and I listen to that quite a bit. We're big Robin Thicke fans."

L "You know me, I wanna make a statement!"

GMMore: R "If your face is bigger than your head, you got problems." "These glasses, to me, feel like, 'I wear glasses as a fashion statement.' This person says, 'I wear glasses because I need glasses.'" "It looks like something that the sun would wear if the sun wore sunglasses."

L "I like being a guy who walks down the street, it's like, 'oh, look at that guy's glasses.'"  

GMM 464: R “I’ve been thought to be 80 before by really short people.” “This is why I’m always careful when I walk in front of a fence. People all think I’m a pigeon.”

GMMore: L "I don't lie, I just verbally elude."

GMM 465: R “You’ve embarrassed yourself a few times on a mountain bike. If you take this thing out on the trail, you’ll be the man. Look at that guy with the million dollar mountain bike! Even you would be really cool with that thing.”

L “Are you jealous of my shirt?” R “I’m upset with the shirt gods. Yes, I’m jealous of your shirt. It’s beautiful.” L “Thanks.”

GMMore: L “Sometimes when I get angry, I just say ‘donkey!’” “So then I tried to get in on that and so, I would tell Lando, I’d be like, ‘I love you, Lando,’ and he’ll say, ‘I love mom more than she loves me.’ That’s the first thing he says. I’m like, ‘well. I love you more than you love me.’ And then he’ll say, ‘it’s possible.’” “He’s just being honest. He loves his mom more than he loves me. I mean, she’s a wonderful person, she’s with him all the time. She makes his life a living awesome. What do I do? I just show up occasionally and I’m weird.” “I love me more than most people.”

R “Whoa. Smells like an aquarium in there.” L “Hot chili squid.”

L “Hot chip chick.” R “We need some hot chip chicks on our bags.”

R “I am a grandfather as a dad. I’ve skipped straight to that.”

GMM 466: L “It’s like she was calling a kitten? Frigga, frigga, frigga.”

GMMore: R “I don’t run back from taking the trash out, but if I watch a horror movie by myself, but then I’m home alone, that’s a problem, you know. I get scared, man.” “Oh, the nipple rub, I’ve never seen that.” “That’s a funny name for a superhero, ‘Dark Streak.’ Just a guy with a dark streak in his pants.”

L “Sometimes when Christy and I are in a fight and then I have to go work or something, I’m like, ‘what if this is the last time you see me?’ I play that card. If it’s a minor fight, I do it as a joke.” “His catchphrase is ‘This may be the last time you see me.’”

GMM 467: R “I wanna play one-on-one against my guy. Yeah, I haven’t played basketball in years, but I wanna play one-on-one against my perfect match.” “We’re gonna get to know each other over enchiladas and I’ll be like, ‘you wanna play one-on-one?’”

GMMore: R “I make some good human ribs.”

L “I think the dry rub should be made from human fingernail shavings.” "A little Terrance and Cindy sausage." 

GMM 468: R “I opened it with a fork! I’m like a pro! And then you eat it with a fork!” “Own it, Neal!” (and variation). “Want an orange soda? Let me grab a Yo-Yo.”

L “Man alive, I want to get to that!” “You know you getting close when it starts to hiss at ya!”

GMMore: R “We’re not good at a lot of things.” “I have the hands of an internetainer, you know. I don’t have the hands of a farmer.” “My mom watches everyday, and she tells my dad about it. That’s how my dad watches. He gets a full report from my mom.”

L “This is what we do for you guys. We soil ourselves on the internet.” “I got a friend with a capper.” “I feel so dirty on the outside. I feel very clean on the inside.” “You can also open a bottle with a choo-choo horn.”

 

GMM 469: R "I can also say, no joke, my wife has been diagnosed with OCD and this is something she struggled with her entire life..."

L “...literally, on a weekly basis, I have to make a decision to de-pucker.”

GMMore: L "My anus is tight." 

GMM 470: L “Livin’ the dream. Thank you for making us a part of your daily routine!”

R (singing) “Megan and Nate. You’re great. You sent us a pizza plank.”

 

GMM 471: R “Getting a little morbid on GMM today. ‘Good Mythical Morbid.’’

L “Don’t assassinate your own mom! There’s no excuse for that!” “...never bring a candlestick to an axe fight.”

GMM 472: R “What has Britney done for me lately?” “The Rock’s a wrestler and a movie star! That’s my dream!” “Who’s the most famous person on ‘Good Mythical Morning’?...Me.” “What am I gonna do with this newfound fame?”

GMM 473: R “If you’re cool, you go to the pool.” “And you go to the pool to get cool.” “It’s like a freaking waterfall right in my buttcrack.” “The Pirt, with butt leak.” “Not getting fresh with you, I’m just trying to plug it with my finger. And I’m talking about pool.” “You look like a Pokemon.” “Come on, man, let’s be creepy together.” 

L “Going into baby maker.” “Never put a garden hose down my pants, but I will do it again.” “My candy’s not creepy, I’m sorry, but my van is creepy!” 

GMMore: L “Rhett gets to model the capri pants. That’s what you get in ‘Good Mythical More,’ people.” “I conveniently have some shades, previously worn by the sun.” “It was Maleficent and it wasn’t bad. It wasn’t magnificent but it wasn’t mal deficient either.” “Um, yeah….and he’s animated.” “No drinks, no candy, no complaints.” “That might as well have been the name of the candy store: ‘Buy your candy here and stuff it down your pants. Go to the movies.’” 

R “or at least, the California Raisins.” “It’s not Maleficient?” “Is Brad Pitt in it?”

GMM 474: L (about Lego mug) “87. I love this mug. I don’t care if it kills me. Matter of fact, the fact that it could kill me? It put it over the edge.”

R (Unicorn mug) “I’m going to give this one a 95.” “You come in and I’ve got this on my desk? You’re like-” L “Yeah, I think some things.” R “This guys knows what’s what!”

GMM 475: L “ I was faced with a choice and my choice was to say, ‘I have dietary restrictions and so does my wife.’ That’s what I said. I wanted to take my coffee in so badly, I said that we had dietary restrictions. I’m not proud of it.”

R "Ah, green. That's gotta look good with my eyes. It's a pretty green, you think my eyes are that pretty?" Yen: “Yea.” “...we are retiring the Mythical Mail Boulder next week.”

GMMore: R "My boogers taste like pears!" “First of all, I just had ‘Lawn Clippings’ and I’m not complaining.” “My mom used to say, ‘that’s a dead pole cat!’” “I want to taste a skunk so bad now.”

L “Every employee of Rhett and Link, that’s me and him, have to gargle with peroxide at least once a week.” “Hm. Tootie Frootie.” “It is uncanny how good they are at making these things horrible!” “It’s like eating soap, which of course, we’ve done before.” “You don’t have to swear, man. Your word is your bond, man."

GMM 476: R “I love everybody, Randy.” “Randy Hardy, I love you.” L “I don’t know you but I love you.”

R “I’m gonna meet this person that looks like me and acts like me and become my best friend, they’re gonna become my best friend. They’re gonna replace you.” L “I can rock all alone. That’s fine.”

GMMore: R “I know I look like the kind of guy that’s into police memorabilia and I am.” “I do three types of videos: patches videos, icon videos, and badges videos. The badges one gets lots of views.”

*GMMore cut short because of VidCon

GMM 477: R “There’s nothing like taking a leak off a cliff.” “I’d be willing to sit next to feces for seven hours for a good drink.” 

GMMore: L “I’m like a rugged outdoorsman now.”

GMM 478: R “When stuff that’s supposed to be outside starts happening inside, that’s when I’m like, ‘I’m into that!’”

L “It’s like they brought the beach to you!” “...I would love to have the beach in my living room.”

GMMore: R “So, it goes to show you can do stupid stuff and still end up being a doctor!”

 

GMM 479: R “Welcome to the internet!” “I think that might be the key to yodeling, is you gotta take one of your teeth and you gotta push it back half an inch.”

GMMore: L “Burping from your lungs is called breathing.”

 

GMM 480: R “Today we say goodbye to the Mythical Mail Boulder.”

L “We have decided to immortalize our Mythical Mail Boulder-” R “Your Mythical Mail Boulder!” L “Presenting to you, here we go, the bronzed Mythical Mail Boulder!”

L “This represents what we can create together.”

GMM 481: R “I guess I will blow up the studio!”

*No GMMore

SEASON SIX 

GMM 482: L “Did you take up with another internet talk show?” R “I did. Yeah, I got another one I’ve been watching..” L “Well, call them immediately and break up ‘cause we’re back and this is it, okay, so let’s do this!”

GMMore: L "I just found myself watering these plants and after a few days, I was conversing with the plants, like, 'hey, does this feel good to you?' kind of a thing." 

GMM 483: Eddie “The next one is ‘HHWW.’’ R “Okay, I think I’m pretty sure I’m right about this. ‘Heavy Hungry White Women.’” Eddie “The answer’s ‘Holding Hands While Walking’.”

GMMore: R "Baby, I'm sure-" L "Larry yawned." 

L "BLD? Blonde, long-legged dame." R "Big, loud Doug." 

R "Bowel movement under stairs. Sometimes, you gotta go and you gotta find some stairs!" "Don't let the boys bring beer." "EOK, everything's okay." "Even my father built isthmuses." "That's what FBI stands for. For busting in." “Forget the beer, only make hot dogs.”

L “‘Does knowledge dictate command?’ It’s the question we all want to know.” “When in doubt, put it in the glossary.”

R "Dark night, dirty car." L "What is it?" R "It's Batman."

L “Every male forgets birthdays-” R ”Intermittently.”

Both, back and forth: “Backwoods thoughts do take generally twice the sacrifice as whole intact observations.”

GMM 484: R “Throw that thing away! Be yourself, Link! Let your lip out! Bring your lip to the world and say, world, my lip may be nasty.-” “Kiss him virtually while he’s talking.” “I’m a big fan of vending machines because you know I’m a compulsive spender.” “Fun fake fact. FFF.”

R “You know what? Embrace Link. Virtually kiss your screen right now. Kiss him right on his nasty lip. Take your phone or your computer and just kiss the screen right now.” Link: “I wouldn’t go that far.” R "Pucker up! Pucker up! Let ‘em kiss you! They need to accept you!” (submitted by Grace (Pheasphant))

GMMore: L “If I were to kiss someone, I would transmit this to them and it would be in your system forever. So what happened was, I got too much sun on my lips, and then it just kinda broke out.” “I haven’t had a break-out this bad since middle school.” “Uncrustadol.”

R “That’s one of the many reasons I’ve never kissed you on the lips.” “I took ‘Lipishere’ and that’s why I come to the park with my buddy. He’s unashamed to be with me.” “You just said ‘uncrustedhole.” “My mouth is an uncrustedhole.”

GMM 485: L “I’ve worn a speedo at the beach. Should you?” “We will call it the Mythical Mail Susan.” “When it comes to farts, there’s only one for me and it involves lots of cardboard.”

R “The thong is never acceptable for a man under any circumstances on the beach.” “There was a bubble that came out of your left nostril and I saw it. I saw it perfectly.”

GMMore: R “I could drown myself in peas.”

GMM 486: R “Because of you, I have to talk about this diseased lip over here!” “If you come down from the tree, we can go get some weeds.”

L “By the way, if you’re bird-blind, Rhett’s shirt doesn’t have anything on it.” “Click through to Good Mythical More, wanna find out who famous is that are color-blindness?”

GMMore: R “I can only think about the Plant kingdom right now. Does it have to be a plant? WEEDS.”

GMM 487: L "A costume a superhero does not make, but a superhero must make a costume."

L “And I think it’s ‘Just Us League’.” “It’s very exclusive.” R “Yeah, it’s just us. We’re just normal guys with superpowers.”

R “I wish that we could be like a superhero team!” L “You know that’s right!” R “Like, me and you...Night-Link and Night-Rhett, we should really make that into a thing!” L “Surprise me!”

GMMore: L “I am so proud that we designed a shoe.”

R “Gray is my favorite color because it acknowledges the mystery in the Universe, you know?” (submitted by Alli (gator))

R "If there's grass, there's gonna be people on it in California."

L “Tomorrow, we are releasing the most music of videos that we’ve released in the past month. New music video. It’s called ‘I’m On Vacation.’”

GMM 488: L “Just because it’s see-through doesn’t mean you should.” “I thought this game was going to be fun.”

R “I lost a shoe!” “Don’t get attached because I will be unattaching it, well, no, I’ll probably donate it to a thrift store, guys, I’m not going to wear a woman’s top.”

GMMore: L “I don’t drive by fast-food places.” “You’re such a consumer!” “You showed me a picture online, you were like, ‘look at what I ate!’!” “All pizza’s great, but all pizza’s not equal.”

R “I almost said, ‘You’re letting the heat out!’”

GMM 489: R “Don’t go outside, just watch this show!” "Don't turn him into a dead woman." "I would be afraid to walk around there because when I see something like that, there is this impulse within me,  this little boy impulse, to just break it. You know what I'm saying? I just want to run into it and mess it up." "I think you really ground that one into the sand." 

L “You know you got a big sand castle when you can sit on it and it does nothing to it.”  

L “...I do think if I were Batman, I would punch Hulk in the face if he was giving me a wedgie like that.” R “No, Hulk has just got his blankie.”

GMMore: R “We love Weird Al, but let’s dethrone him.” “This is window-shaking, trunk-shaking bass opportunity here that we’ve given you with this song.” "I can't help but lie to little kids, I'm sorry."

L "Learn from us, budding filmmakers."

R "This is like Santa Claus, who's real, by the way." L "And he's really fat when you do him in the sand." (laughs) “When you sculpt him out of sand, he’s large.”

GMM 490:  R “The dingleberries from that thing will definitely glow.”

GMM 491: R “This is GOOD Mythical Morning, not BAD Mythical Morning.” “If this thing explodes tomorrow and it’s the full scale eruption, then you know what we’re going to do, we’re going to go to, we’ll see you in Disney World, we’ll have on cross-country skis, and we’ll all make a post-apocalyptic movie together. It’ll be a great gathering of mythical beasts.” “This is who can be more dainty. Didn’t you read the instructions? I win.” 

L “If you see the lava, don’t run towards it. You’re going to want to, but don’t.” “We’ll have selling ash because that’s going to be our job.” 

GMMore: L “Well, if you want to break a husband, take him to Ikea. One time will do it.”

R “If you just throw your kid on the ground with a sleeping bag, everything up after that point is an improvement.” “I have dismounted and mounted so many things this past weekend, you would not believe it. It’s like I’m a taxidermist.” "Are you sure about that? Is that exist?"

R “I woke up, I didn’t fix my hair, I just had my underwear on, and I just said, ‘Where are the tools?’, and I went around like a half-naked caveman fixing stuff in my house all day.  And then we went on a date. She was happy, man. She was so happy. All the stuff got done." L "Dudn't take much, when you're married to you, I guess."

GMM 492: L “I don’t like spiders, I don’t like snakes and uh, I don’t like, uh, I don’t like snakes.” “This was stupid.” (the wheel falls on Link)

R “Link, you know what you are? You’re the Serpent King.” (w/ crew->) “You can do it, Serpent King.” “Did you forget how to hold hands?" “The Serpent King’s hair is a good place to lay snake eggs.”

GMMore: R “I will call him Herb and that one too.” “Herb 2 and Herb 3.” “I’ll be the Serpent Prince.” “The most dangerous thing that happened on the entire episode was the wheel.”

L “"I'd like a little concern for me! 'Are you okay, Link?' 'How is your heart?'"

GMM 493: L "We know the answer to this one." “This is the best day of my life.” “We’ve healthed ourselves.” “Now, here at ‘Good Mythical Morning,’ if something is labeled non-toxic, you might as well label it, ‘Eat it on Good Mythical Morning.”

R “You can catch me alone late at night...watching late-night programming with my cheese ice cream sandwich.” “Health yourself.” “It tastes like eating the bottom of a hamster cage.”

GMM 494: R “If you’re a teen girl named Cheryl, please comment on this episode!” “‘Donut.’ There’s an ‘L’ in it, right? Oh, there’s not an ‘L’. Sorry.” “I’m ready to speak to the world.”

L “I’m growing concerned that if you apply my steps, you’re gonna become the weirdest teenager on the planet, especially if you’re in your mid-30s.”  

L “He can’t say ‘Channing Tatum.’” “How do you normally say it?” R “Chanum Taten.”

GMMore: R "...you're tall. Don't be afraid of it, man. Stand up straight, open your little mouth, and speak." "Let's all just be ourselves and not be ashamed of it." 

R “My voice doesn’t ever get caught in somebody’s shirt. Never happened. It always at least goes over their shoulder.” L “A shirt will catch a voice, though.” R “You know that’s how voice works. It goes out like a laser.”

GMM 495: R “There is no area of your life that we are not willing to speak wisdom into.”

L “That always happens to me when I pee in the ocean: my eyes cross a little bit.”

GMM 496: - R "Don't touch the nacho that’s not your nacho.” "I'm saying I've studied humans long enough to know if you wait ten minutes for anything, they've forgotten it and moved on." "I kissed you through glass, does that count?" 

L "Nachos are for sharing." (-> shirt) "You must never take someone else's fry unless they offer." "You must never ask to take someone's fry unless you've been in a relationship that's been established for at least 6 months." "I will propose that the only rule for sharing ice cream needs to be: If you're not willing to make out with this person, you shouldn't share ice cream with them."

GMM 497: R “School is fun. Getting smart is fun, kids.” “I ain’t scared of that danish!” “That was my nickname in high school. Macro McLaughlin.” “Fun semi-related fact. I like the way you think, Link.” “Brontosaurus make thunder with feet.” “Did you hear about Cathy? She’s so phobia.”

R “You ever try to poop in tight jeans?” L “Yes.”

L “Fun fact: snakes do not have knees.”

GMMore: L “We have a friend who has a phobia of lettuce…she cannot think about lettuce.” “She hasn’t touched lettuce in ten years.” “I think Christy has a huge crush on Keith Urban.” “If you had to be afraid of one thing, what would it be?”

R “Oh, that explains a lot. (laughs)” “I think people sometimes assume things because it makes them interesting to talk about.” “Talking. ‘Uh, don’t talk, I’m afraid of talking.’”

GMM 498: R “I take a crap on crime.” “We can be like a trio. We can be three best friends. We can let Daniel into our best friend club. It’s been closed for thirty something years. It’s time to open it up.”

GMMore: R “When I’m in the friend zone… I just bowl right through the friend zone.” “She also did say, ‘I like Link.’”

L “You did that as if you were sponsored by your beard.” “All of a sudden, this became a commercial for your beard?”

GMM 499: R “It’s also my next workout DVD. It’s called ‘Barrel Roll with Rhett.’” “You got ‘NeverWet’ on your hair?”

L “Trunk optional. Trunks optional.”

GMMore: L “Do you like dirty men?” “I’m not good with animals or humans.” "He gave you a bigger dookie than me, he likes you better." "It's better to be a mythical beast than being an intern."  

R “Meaning, if you ask to be an intern at Rhett&Link, Inc., you don’t get to be one.”

GMM 500: R “Five hundred beans in a minute! I’m the bean king!” “Some really great stunt work, Link. Might have a future in that!”

GMMore: L “When we started this show, we certainly didn’t think that we had five hundred in us.” “I think we thought that we had five hundred in us, but that you didn’t have an appetite for five hundred.” “Like five hundred episodes of this, we’re not even people anymore. We’re muppets, and we’re fine with that.”

R “When we first started this show, there were a lot of comments about, like, ‘what are you guys-why are you guys doing this? Like, ‘what is the-why are you doing this.” Like, ‘this is not a good thing.’” “We did run out of just whatever we happened to be talking about that day becoming the episode. You can’t do that five hundred times in a row.” 

GMM 501: L “...You and everybody else says I look like Garth from ‘Wayne’s World’!”

GMMore: R “I don’t like pain.”

 

GMM 502: R “What would you choose if you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, you had to do it for like fifteen years?” … L “I’m going with cereal. I already eat it every morning for breakfast and every couple of days, I eat it for dinner too. I might as well just eat it for lunch-” R “But you have to choose a cereal.” L “I’m about halfway there!”... “I’ll choose Frosted Mini-Wheats...” ....R “Don’t eat the maxi ones. Stay away from those!”

R “...I would go with beans..” “...they give you the musical farts, which we could always use more of those.”

GMMore: R “Even when it doesn’t impact you, there’s just something frustrating about seeing somebody limit themselves.” “It’s just like, if you meet somebody and they’re like, ‘I’ve never left my house,’ and you don’t even know ‘em.” “I would just like to take you and just drag you out of your house. I have this overwhelming desire to do that.” “I think I should be a tour guide to people who are leaving their homes for the first time ever. It’s like, if you know of a person who’s never left their home, or never left the county, call me and I’m gonna take them around.”

L “It’s like the opposite of love is indifference, not hate.”

 

GMM 503: R “Ain’t no deadbeat seahorse dad!” “Well, I took what could have been a very awkward moment and turned it into a duet. That’s what you get to do when you move at the speed of a sea anemone. You should try it sometime!”

L “Channeling my inner seahorse. Turns out it’s pretty frustrating to be a seahorse.”

GMMore: L “...they were like, ‘don’t let your art delay me from getting to see my movie!’” “I think you’re watching one of our other ‘Good Mythical Morning’ episodes.”

GMM 504: L “Sharks, known at my home as the goats of the sea, are the topic of today’s episode.” R "You have an interesting home."

R "Float-A-Farm." (fake Kickstarter)

L “Thanks for swimming your way down to the comments and leaving one. Also, you can swallow that like button.”

R "Yeah, just be quiet." L "BUT I HAVE SO MUCH GOOD STUFF TO SAY! GOSH, NO!" 

GMMore: L “You think they’re sharked out at this point?” R "No, you can't be."

L “I have never experienced Shark Week." R "Yeah, 'cause you've never had cable." L "I know, it's-" R "Sad." L "Well, it’s a commentary on adsense.”

L "That's a load of bull shark."

GMM 505: R “Parachute from space into the pool in the backyard and emerge from the water in a tuxedo sprayed in NeverWet!” L “That’s great! It’s like, ‘why is he so dry? He’s like James Bond, but he’s dry so he’s Dry Bond!’”

 

GMM 506: L “I like it when somebody says, ‘I like your boots’. That’s why I wear boots all the time!”

R “Link. Sometimes I’m blown away at how quickly you can grow a moustache. You should enter a contest or something.”

GMMore: R “Irony makes the world go round!” “I do like things. I do like shiny things and stimulating conversation.”

GMM 507: L “Please just be happy, everyone.”

GMMore: L “For every one thing that you can make, in that same amount of time, you can criticize everything that’s been made. Theory, depending on what it is that’s being made. If it’s a sandwich, well, probably not.” R “But see, we’re not talking about sandwiches, we're talking about history.”

L “Cheers to you for being a critical thinker and a valuable viewer and if I had to choose one, I would go with b. If you have to be only one, be a viewer.”

GMM 508: R “I can’t smell you though. You’re downwind.” “Well, I don’t know how much I trust you, but I sure do trust Kevin.”

L “It could be your beard. I don’t know what I’m smelling.” “You’re uglier this close.”

GMMore: R "In many ancient cultures, like in the stone age times, the way that you would show extreme trust is to basically get naked before someone and they would grab you. They would grab your nether regions." 

GMM 509: L “I wanna hit you between the eyes with the sadness of the drought. The earth is just creaking with dryness." “Stand in my garden, girl.” “Can somebody say, PRENUP?” “There are lots of reasons the chinese dragons dance. Ask me how.” (t-shirt) (& “Ask me what they are.”) “Ask me about naked farming.”

R “Ask me what the ladies in Uttar Pradesh India do when they want it to rain.” (t-shirt) “Go naked but wear boots.”

GMMore: L “You can waste a lot of money on drinks, man.” “Here’s another fun fact: I did not drink water until college.”

R “Sky juice.”

GMM 510: L “Be friends with Andrea! It’s not too late, Andrea! We can still be friends!”

R “In high school, he was already an Olympian!” “I played actual sports, he played brain sports!” “If you turn into a mer-lion, I would celebrate that. I gotta say. If there was a way for you to be half mermaid, half lion, half Link, maybe a third each-.”

R “You used your brain today, already, at least three or four times!” L “Right, I am still an Olympian.”

GMM 511: L “Winklepicker. How do you pick a winkle?” “Now, I frequently middelfart. I’m just going to be honest.”

R “Who would you like to harm, Master Link?”

GMMore: L “I’m not afraid to show my ignorance.”

GMM 512: R “Where ya from?” L “I don’t even know because you’re staring right through my soul and it’s making me uncomfortable.”

R “I went to a movie by myself, I’m not proud of it, but I did, and a whole family of eight came in and their kid sat right next to me.” “I don’t like smelling people in general.” “Did you see Sally today?” “Are you Sally?”

GMMore: L “We should make a horror movie called ‘Grass.’ No.” R “It’s a documentary.” “Fart alker.” “Go and be golden.”

R “If I had another child and it was a girl, I would name her Sally.” “Your face is like Velcro.” “There’s a far talker out there.” “I’m a fart alker because I fart when I talk and I get far away from people so they can’t smell ‘em.”

GMM 513: R “IT MAKES BARBEQUE SAUCE! JELLO AND SMOKE IS BARBEQUE SAUCE!” “That was the most intense dry-heave in the history of ‘Good Mythical Morning.’”

L “I thought it was literally smoke sitting there.” “I think we’ve learned that if you put something that smells nasty under your nose and then put something different nasty in your mouth, nasty plus nasty equals nasty, and I’m not talking about the town in London.”

 

GMM 514: L "I thought that 'Single Ladies' was' All the Pringle Haters.'" "Meow sucks." 

R (as a cat) Meows, purrs. "Hey, I trust you guys." "Is that a dental teaching tool? Oh, I'm so scared of dental teaching dogs!" "You're good with my tail. You're better than I am with my tail. Weird." "I'm putting my smell on you." "I used to be a lot more nimble." "You own me. Oh gosh. I own you." "Thanks for pulling all the milk out of this episode that you possibly can." "You hear about green?" "Green. It's the new thing." 

GMMore: L "See? I'm a cat whisperer." "I'm preaching to myself, 'you're so good with cats.'" "Cat whisperer. I'm great with cats." "Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."

R "When somebody says something you don't believe, you say it's fuzz-mustard."  

R "That's funny, Link." L "Thank you."

GMM 515: L "Like a bird on a rhino, you are watching us on the internet." "But if a girl were to wink at me back in the time when I was a-vailable, then I would have been e-xcited." "If anyone ever looks at you, just assume that they like you."

R "I think I can handle a wink from 20 feet. If I can see your face and you wink at me, it counts."  

GMMore: L "Hey girl. Are you related to Yoda? 'Cause yodalicious." "Hey girl. Hey girl. Yo. Sweet thang. Girl, girl. Girl, girl." 

R "I like hot stuff but this isn't even fun." 

GMM 516: L "There are 156,179 women in the United States named Agnes and I'm positive all of them are incredibly nice women." "Snore. I just spilled hot tea on my knickers!" 

L "Chitty-faced." R "Better watch how you say that, Dick Van Dyke." "Twiddle-diddles are so Rhett! What?!"

L "Hey" R "Rhett" L "and" R "Link" L "here." R "Sorry" L "we" R  "missed" L "you." R "We're" L  "somewhere" R "and" L "you're" R "not."

GMMore: R "Spoilerer alert." L "Spoilerer." 

GMM 517: L “I think that fingernails are one of the most awesome parts of the human body.” “Show me a rock climber without nails and I’ll show you a dead rock climber!” “She killed herself picking something out of her ear.” “I can’t even look directly at you because you are perfect.”

R “I don’t care what you do to a pinky toe, you can’t make it look good.” “It’s like the nail that couldn’t.”

GMMore: L “Looking at nails just opened me up to a world of happy.” “And I looked down at it and I said, ‘Come hither, I need band-aid.’”

R (making fun of L) “And ya know what, that would have been horrible because I personally believe that the fingernail’s one of the most important body parts, and if you lose that, you’ve lost your soul.”

GMM 518: L “I can see how I could be someone’s dad-mom after that.” “Everything under this robe is 100% man.” “I just went from ‘Sons of Anarchy’ to ‘Sims’ character.” “I’m gonna create another orifice in your body with a fire poker.” “I’ve no depth perception.”

R “Hey, you wanna sofa?”

GMMore: L “I secretly would love to have, like, a sleeve of tattoos.” “Are you asking me if I’m gonna pull a ‘Shane Dawson’?” “I will say on a bi-monthly basis, I look at myself in the mirror and I’m like, ‘It’s time for a change.’” "Good on you, man, for doing what I can't do. You're more of a man than me in that area..." "Get my musket!" 

R “Maybe I’ll grow wings and shave my beard.” L "Why don't you grow wings and just fly up my butt?" 

R “You’re the worst insulter I’ve ever heard in my life!”

R “I’d like to see you and Shane Dawson fight.” L “I’ve never fought anybody in my life, even mentally.”

GMM 519: L “Now, she’ll say anything, right?” Hannah “Yeah, she does seem really hip, cool, and with it.” L “And pantsless at times.” Hannah “Only in my dreams.” R “Oh.”

L “I see women as quote-worthy.”

GMMore: L “That’s, like, the married man’s version. ‘That’s what she expected.’” “We’ll swallow pennies in a taco if we have to.”

L “Who reads a cookbook, a recipe book on the toilet?” R “It’s pretty much my number one thing, guys.” L “It should be your number two thing.” Hannah “Oh! That’s what she expected.”

GMM 520: R “Gimme some tattoo right there, Mr. tattoo man.”

L “I thought Pikachu was in a skin tight yellow suit.” R “I think he’s just an animal, a naked animal.” L “There’s a zipper on the back.” R “Really?” L “Just look closely.”

GMMore: R "I can't tell where that woman starts and the dog stops!"

GMM 521: L “I believe so strongly about this that I have even switched overs to unders in stranger’s homes.” “Don’t say the word splatter.”

R “Anytime I accidentaly but an over in my house, I’m gonna do the little motel thing just to make myself feel high class.”

GMMore: R “...efficiency should not be valued over flexibility. I believe that flexibility makes you a person that is easier to get along with, is easier to have a relationship with, is easier to work with, etcetera.”  

L “Efficiency and control are not the same thing.” “I think we both have things to learn here.”