Greg, the Dog, a look back: Hunger Pangs and Cheese...

Now, the thing I almost told you about, the reason I had to get these out before December... yeah, not happening. Or, at least, the deadline will not be met, and will be moved into May. Why May? Same reason it was going to be December. Moving on...

Fun coincidence, both of these are about food, they keep correlating, it's nice. This one underwent a little change here, you can read the original at Greg-the-Dog.Tumblr.com

Hunger Pangs

My owners went on a little trip and left me with a big bowl of kibble. Enjoy this montage of moments during that time.

Hour 1: So, my owners just left me this huge bowl of food. How did they know I was so hungry?

Hour 5: Ugh. I shouldn’t have eaten that so fast. I’m getting hungry again.

Hour 8: Pretty soon I’ll be forced to eat those acorns over there. —- I think Jim is ignoring my pleas for food on purpose. —- I’m starving, when will they be back?

Hour 9.5: Those acorns weren’t nearly as edible as I’d expected. —- That dirt wasn’t as good as I’d hoped. —- Any longer and I’ll start hallucinating!

Hour 15: Churbles the cat is looking quite… tasty. —- Jim’s taunting me outside my reach, and I’ve fallen for it repeatedly —- I feel like I’ll pass out.

Hour 15.9: THEY’VE RETURNED!!! —- feedmefeedmefeedmefeedme!

That was the longest day of my life.

When I wrote this, it was days, not hours, but the mother changed it to nine hours, I kept it, but changed it for this post, thinking about how he usually only gets a meal a day. I love the line "Those acorns weren't nearly as edible as I'd expected", it's great.

Cheese…

Earlier this week Churbles the Cat came out with a plate of yellow stuff and an apologetic look on his face. The “cheese” as he called it was a peace offering, he said he sacrificed much to bring it to me.

Now, I know I probably shouldn’t have trusted him, but he seemed sincere. I accepted his gift, and immediately after I finished the cheese he started to prance away, chortling as he did. I knew then that I had made a mistake.

After I finished eating, I felt really bad. I felt like something had gone wrong in my… intestinal region. The sharp pains were unbearable. No amount of rolling around on the ground would help. I truly felt as if I would die. But then… sweet relief! I heard a sound like that of a balloon running out of air. GAS!! I’m not gonna die!!! I jumped around the yard so much, releasing more and more stinky cheese poots, that I forgot about the invisible fence. ZAP!!! That was one of the happiest moments of my life… up until the air Tasered me.

The entire time, I noticed, Churbles was observing me very smugly. I think he knew what the cheese would do to me.

But I have not relished these last few days, for, while I’m not dying, I’m still experiencing abominable diarrhea. Hope your week was better than mine.

I wish I had built up the deathly feeling a little more, but either way, I love the line "That was the happiest day of my life... up until the air Tasered me".

Greg, the Dog, a look back: Hunger Pangs and Cheese...

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