Live, Love (Humorous Short Story)

I was shot down by you, rejected. I fell through the clouds, neglected. With no parachute to save me, no hand reached from the sky. So I fell and I fell, and I fell, and then I presume I died.

I awoke atop amorphous gumdrops that formed a non-saline sea, syncronized my watch and then was beaten to death by other dead people for being a twat.

When I awoke the second time in the second afterlife I found myself surrounded by flying banjos playing soothing bluegrass music that yuo couldn't help but tap your toes to as you listened. The wind blew through the bright pink palm trees that surrounded the island that I was currently occupying. The reason that I knew this was an island was because I was sitting on a blue sandy beach, surrounded by pink palm trees and flying banjos. Only islands have these elements, so I set off on a low bear crawl to find the tiki bar.

I found the tiki bar intact, but devoid of alchohol. This infuriated me until I remembered that I was madly in love with you and sitting in an astral paradise sipping mixed drinks was not going to win your heart. This posed a very real problem. So I decided to mope, write emo poetry and flip my non-existent emo hair. My emo poetry went something like this:

I would bleed out everything I have for you,

All for you,

All for you,

But all I have to cut myself with

Is a stupid plastic spoon.

Once I was finished with my depressed moping I began to depressedly mop. So as I was mopingly mopping I began to think about Tony the fish and how we had a great conversation in high school and how I never felt like we got to finish it. But there was a bit in that conversation that was about death and dying twice. But other than paper clips I couldn't really remeber it. So I stuffed my pockets with all of the paper clips at the tiki bar (which was a considerable amount as there was a big vat full of them). Then I set out on a stroll of the island - you see, I stroll because I am more refined than those around me - and spotted a sign that said "Giant Magnet Ahead" and I strolled over to check it out.

As soon as I reached the giant magnet I was sucked up to heaven where God looked at me and then kicked me out for being a twat. I landed back on earth, alive and stronger than ever.

So, do you want to make out?