I'd Rather Be a BUZZARD!

Way back in high school, I once worked with a guy who, when asked to perform any task he really just didn't want to do (and, since he was quite a lazy individual, that covered a huge range of duties related to his job) would simply reply:

I'd rather be a buzzard, and live in the desert, and eat dead, rotting, disgusting carcasses along the dusty roadside than to fill in job title here.

It was funny, but never really helped him to get out of work.  Our boss was not a big fan of humor.