The Tale of Haggis the Goat part one and two.

Originally posted on http://talesfromtheburrito.blogspot.com/

Once there was a goat. His name was Haggis. When Haggis was a young goat, he always tried to ask his mother questions, but he was a goat and therefore couldn't speak. This upset the goat very much, and as he grew older, he tried to vent his frustration through the medium of music, specifically rap. But he was a goat, and therefore couldn't rap. This upset the goat so much, he dyed his hair jet black and became emo. But since hair was covering his entire body, he had to dye his entire body black. One day the farmer came outside to check on his goats. He was an avid Slipknot fan, and was not very bright (that sentence was slightly redundant). He saw the goat with the dyed black hair and said "That goat should be slipknot's mascot. I think i'll make this goat slipknot's mascot!" so he made the goat slipknot's mascot, but they still made terrible music. One day, while they were in concert, HP Lovecraft showed up. He was inspired by this, and like all authors do when they see something that inspires them..... grew a mustache and shaved it to look like a goat. Finally, Haggis broke free after many years. He had thought before that since he was a goat and couldn't talk, he could never be a rapper. But his years with slipknot had taught him something: you don't actually have to annunciate, or even talk, to be a singer.

When we left off last time, Haggis had escaped from Slipknot, and he realized he could become a rapper. He travelled the country far and wide, near and thin, in search of someone who appreciated his rapping skill. But he found no one. One day, he went to Nashville. He saw a man with a handle bar mustache. "That extremely white man with a handle bar mustache looks like he would appreciate my rapping talents!" he said. So haggis went up to him and rapped his best rap, he was letting loose impeccable rhyming with impeccable timing, and the man stared, amazed. "This is one white man with a handlebar mustache that appreciates your rapping talents! But alas, I must be on my way. I have an important interview at the toothpaste cap factory. I'm afraid it won't go very well, for you see, i am not very verbose. If only I was an eloquent speaker as you, sir goat!" The goat agreed that this indeed was a misfortune. But then a thought came to him: perhaps if he could be the man's spokesgoat, he could be useful to the man, and perhaps the man could pay him back with toothpaste caps. When Haggis thought of this, he said to the man "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!" which means "perhaps I could be your spokesgoat, i could be useful to you, and you could pay me back with toothpaste caps!" The man thought this was a wonderful idea. "I think this is a wonderful idea!" the white man with a handlebar mustache said, thinking that this was a wonderful idea. So they made their way to the toothpaste factory.

The Tale of Haggis the Goat part one and two.

http://talesfromtheburrito.blogspot.com/

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