My story

Hey everyone! My name is Xena (pronounced Zeena), but all my friends call me Rue because of my obsession with the Hunger Games. Just so you know, I've been a fan since the beginning, not a bandwagoner. Anyways, in my life, I struggle though a lot. I mean a LOT. I happen to be sarcastic, so please don't take anything I say too seriously. Lately a lot of emotions have been just kind of sitting inside me, battling to get out. And yesterday, I found this website, and I'm going to try to do semi-daily blog posts. I really need an outlet and I'm gonna give it a try. Even if no one reads this, it'll be a weight lifted off of my shoulders. So here goes nothing.

Hey guys! Xena here. Normally I'll be doing blogs about my past few days. Since this is my first one, I'm going to tell you my story. It's not a happy one, and no one knows it all. I've got an older brother, Zach, who is totally not a stereotype brother. He's practically my best friend. We're only a year apart, so that helps. He's 14 and I'm 13. But of course, he's the model child. He's great at EVERYTHING! Football, soccer, art, school, singing, guitar, and the worst part is? He doesn't even have to try. But I can't hate him for it, he's just about the nicest guy you'll ever meet. My best friend, Megan, is his girlfriend which I can't say I'm sad about. We're like the three stooges, doing everything (especially the stupid stuff) together. So that's my brother.

My little sister, Ann, is a different story. But probably not in the way that you think. She's super sweet too, 10 years old, but here's the catch. She's deaf. And that makes life complicated. She also has a pretty uncommon syndrome, Charge, that comes with a bunch of other problems that I can't name specifically. She's had over 25 surgeries and that costs a lot of money. My parents are constantly arguing, but they could never split up, because if they did, the income of their individual job wouldn't be enough to cover her medical expenses. She  goes to a public school with a deaf ed program, and me and Zach go to a private school. We're a pretty strong Christian family, but that doesn't mean e and my brother don't have our fair share of "that's what she said" jokes ;).

I'm sure by now you're wondering about me. Well, I play competitive volleyball, a lot of harp, some guitar and a little bit of piano (both self taught), and I make straight A's in school. Some of you would have already automatically labeled me as a nerd or a prep or maybe even spoiled by this point in the paragraph? Am I right? Well, if I was, think again. Everything I do is extremely hard earned. For school I'll stay up till 2 in the morning listening to music and doing homework and going over tomorrows lesson so I have a better shot of making an A. I practice my guitar or harp every spare minute I get. For volleyball, I'll practice until I can't move the next day and then do it all over again. The sad thing about all this? I don't do it for me. I do it because of my parents. They have put their expectations so high that I can't possibly live up to them. But I try anyways, cause one day I just want my dad to look at me and say 'I'm proud of you, X' (X is what he calls me). But of course, it's never enough. My parents were hoping for a girly-girl when they had me. Instead they get a punk tomboy who will never wear a dress if it was life or death. Zach was the model child, I was the rebel and problem child, and Ann is the innocent child who I don't think has ever done a bad thing in her life. So I didn't exactly get off to a good start with them. And then it doesn't help to have Zach being so perfect, because of course then my parents expected THAT from me. Well, sucks.

Now I'm sure (if anyone's even still reading this) you're wondering what I look like. I have a pic in my pictures, but it's from a year ago and I'm wearing 3-D glasses. I have turd brown, super curly and poofy (like Merida in Brave), medium length hair with bright candy apple red streaks in it (not in the pic) and loose side bangs. I'm not pretty, and I know it, so don't try to convince me otherwise. The sooner you accept that fact, the sooner you can like yourself for who you are and stop wondering whether or not you're pretty. I'm 5'8, so I'm a giant for being only 13. I'm not skinny, but I'm not fat either. I've got curves but more than I'd like at this age. I'm always asked if I'm 16. This is why I never wear makeup. NEVER. It takes away your childhood and pure innocence (on the outside), and I'm not ready to do that yet. I have bright blue eyes, a big nose (that I hate) and really small lips (which, again, I hate). That's about in on appearance. My typical outfit is a t-shirt, converse, shorts or ripped up jeans (courtesy of me, not some company), and a hoodie along with black nail polish. I almost always have my headphones in. My rock and rap music are my escape. I can just jam out for half an hour and tune out the world. It's a nice feeling. I hang out with the guys, but only as friends, I've never had a boyfriend. You know how friendzoned is mainly for guys? Well it applies to me. They don't think I care about stuff like that, because I tell them that. MESSAGE!!!!-Sometimes, people hope that they don't have to tell you that they want something, so they tell you the opposite. Never rely on what a person says, but look deeper, and find the meaning. But of course, I have perfected the whole emotion thing, so no one can ever see through me. That can be good, but it can also suck. Just saying. And because I'm the one who isn't girly and flirty, they assume I don't have any feelings other than happy, sad, and completely psycho (which is the main emotion of all of my guy-friends, so I have perfected that one). Ok, well time to go on to my next topic. Queen Bee and the Wanna-bees.

Queen Bee's are the head of the popular girls, and the Wanna-Bee's are her followers, and appropriately named, "wanna-be's". Well, being the one that the guys hang out with, somehow that makes me the top target of Miss Queen Bee A.k.a. Jessica. She makes it her top priority to make my life miserable. And when she's determined, she can be the absolute devil. I'm not going to go into specifics, but it includes stuff like pantsing me in gym class, cutting my gorgeous long hair to its sucky medium length (I hate her for that one) and supergluing me to a chair. Also putting spaghetti sauce in my chair so it looked like I was on my period. Thanks, Jessica. and it gets worse, but I'm not gonna rant about it now. Maybe in one of my future blogs. But its thanks to her that I have a great number of the scars on my arms that I can't show anyone. that's why I always wear a hoodie. I don't do it anymore, when i realized that I had to get over my parents and Jessica and think about my health I stopped, but the scars will always be there. Zach is the only person that's seen them. And that was the only time I've seen him cry. Remember the next time you walk down the street and see all the people that you pass daily. They're not just people. They're stories. And this is an overlook of mine. It has its ups and downs, but overall, I really am blessed. I'll try to blog about every other day, and sorry this one was so long! It wont be like this most of the time. Until next time, I'll be jamming out and surviving. Have fun with life and don't regret a single moment of it! -Xena