Happiness...

TRUE happiness is one of those things that can't be bought or sold.  It also can't be taken from you, or truly even stifled.  It's also not like storybook happiness, or television happiness.  It's something they can't portray on a movie screen. 

It also doesn't mean everything's perfect.  In fact, it's often far from it.  Being truly happy means not having your mood effected by your surroundings.  It means understanding that, yeah, things are good sometimes, and things are bad sometimes, but nothing is awful forever.  

I do find, however, that if you've lost your joy, you can't find it if you're concerning yourself with everyone else.  For me this was especially hard, because I wanted nothing more than to be everything everyone else wanted me to be, and that destroyed me.  It left me in a place where I couldn't even find joy in my successes because they weren't really my own.  It also left me confused as to who I really was.  What parts of me were me, and what parts of me were fabricated, however unintentionally, by those around me?  It wasn't until I was able to separate my ideals from the ideas of those around me.  I basically had to wipe my slate clean, which is fairly drastic, but sometimes necessary.  One of the most important things I learned was to stop taking things so personally.  It's a day by day process, I still have days when I want to stifle myself because I'm afraid of what those around me are going to think, but you know what?  It doesn't matter.  

AS FOR ME?

I find my happiness in the idea of forever.  Knowing that when all is said and done I'll be with my Lord and my loved ones FOREVER makes my lonely days not so lonely and gives me joy.  Knowing that by deciding to let God write my love story, I'm protecting my heart, and my spirit from being broken any more than they already are gives me comfort.  Knowing that I truly don't have to ever worry about anything because my God will provide for me gives me peace.  Its a feeling so amazing that I feel these words don't even do it justice.  

I also find a strange peace in never regretting anything, even things that would typically be considered regrets.  Never regret something that once made you smile.  Never regret knowing someone you loved, regardless of how messy the relationship was.  I've had my fair share of toxic friendships, as we all have, but I've decided to hold nothing against any of those people, and I regularly pray for the best for them.  Sometimes two people just aren't meant to be in each others lives forever, and some times we, as faulted human beings, ruin things for ourselves.  But regardless of how bad, or how not-so-bad things were,  I treasure the happy memories, and forgive the heartbreaks.  The only person who gets hurt by me holding on to resentment is me. 

 Just a little inspiration: