Fools Rush In

Guy sees girl, thinks she’s cute.  Girl has boyfriend, guy doesn’t know.  Guy tells girl she’s cute, boyfriend flips out.  This is something that I have seen a lot from middle school through now to my college life.  It’s a sign of a horribly unhealthy relationship and possibly a psychologically troubled person, but no one seems to recognize it.  Why is domestic violence at an all-time high?  And the divorce rate?  It’s because people are rushing into relationships and are unable to identify warning signs.  A healthy, long-lasting relationship comes from a trusting friendship.  People seem to think that “love at first sight” means “let’s get married today!”  We think that it’s romantic to rush.  But in truth, most relationships that move too quickly don’t last more than a few months.  It is impossible to know someone from one meeting, and you can’t fall in love with just anyone.  And rushing in is the first sign of an abusive relationship.  In most cases, someone who is trying to rush a relationship is trying to gain fast control over the other person.  Once they’ve got you in a “committed” relationship (meaning they have you in their control trap) they start to exhibit mood swings.  From there comes accusations of cheating, wanting to leave, not caring, “you’re a terrible person,” and they begin to isolate you from your friends and family.  If you’re not hanging out with your friends any more or people start to distance themselves from you after you start a new relationship, it’s probably smart to take a second look.  Does your partner have mood swings?  Blame any problems on you? Get jealous when you are with or talk about other people?  Are you afraid of your partner?  No one should feel afraid in a relationship.  That’s not what they’re supposed to feel like.  

I have seen many friends go through scary relationships and I have even been really close to falling into one.  The important thing to do is to educate people on healthy vs. unhealthy relationships.  Don’t jump into a relationship just after meeting someone.  You might feel like you’re in love and that you’re safe with this person, but as I said before, you can't know someone in one day or even in one month.  If the love is real, then it will last no matter how long you wait to start a relationship.  I’m sure it sounds drawn-out and clichéd, but even so, no one seems to be taking the warning.  If it’s so obvious, why are people continuing to make bad choices?

Jealousy is a normal human emotion, but when is it too much?  It’s ok to feel jealous and to talk about it, but it is not ok to keep your partner from having contact with someone.  It is also not ok to threaten another person for talking to your partner or for thinking they’re attractive.  I witnessed an altercation just a few days ago in which a jealous boyfriend waited outside of another guy’s school because the guy had said his girlfriend was cute (remember the bit at the beginning? Yeah, that was this).  A common misconception is that this sort of thing only happens in immature junior high – high school relationships.  Actually, it happens just as much, if not more, in adult relationships.  Adults think that they are more mature and would recognize a bad person if they met one, yet the divorce rate is through the roof and so is domestic violence.  Not all adults are mature and not all adults are psychologically healthy.  Another misconception is that only women are the victims.  Haven’t you seen the overly attached girlfriend videos on youtube?  Women can be just as overbearing as men, perhaps even more so.  So don’t laugh at your guy friend when he says he’s in an abusive relationship.  Both men and women, young and old, need to learn the signs and tell other people about them.  Don’t stay quiet when you notice red flags in a friend’s relationship.  Give them a flyer, send them a link to an article, but don’t ignore it.