As promised, here is the book (short story) "Mint Pillow"

“Mint Pillow”

Written by The Last Narwhalrus

 Inspired by multiple Mythical Beasts

This is basically the result of what happens in the Main Chat Room

Based on a true story, for it truly is one.

“The name’s Pillow...” He began, taking off his sunglasses for affect, the interrogation light glinting across the lenses, “Mint Pillow.”

His adversaries were somewhat phased by this, though they took every effort not to show it.

One of them, offended at such a stellar introduction, handcuffed Mint to the four-wheeled office chair, the only piece of furniture in the room.

“Listen...Pillow,” The heavy-jawed boss of the fearsome group grabbed Mint by the shirt front, lifting him up. Mint could see that thought he appeared tough and grizzly on the outside, the boss’s hesitance to say his name revealed weakness in the villain’s approach.

“I know you’ve evaded our clutches for a while now, but today, that all ends.” Boss glanced around at the three other men behind him, curling his lips into an unshaven sneer. He released Mint Pillow’s shirt, shoving him back into the chair that he was hand-cuffed to.

Mint Pillow flinched as the cuffs seemed to bite into his wrists. He slowly looked up into Boss’s eyes, and took a long moment to read what information he could within those glossy orbs. For a moment, Boss seemed to be winning the staring-contest-of-intimidation, when Mint smiled, his eyes firm and serious, looking as though he suddenly realized something that could lead to his escape.

This made the other three foes uneasy, and they rustled a bit with their weapons, one of them making sure his gun was cocked just in case.

Boss would not be worried so easily however, and continued to stare solid into Mint’s gaze.

“So Mr. Werrstscheitz, what’s it gonna be?” Mint challenged, pronouncing Boss’s last name perfectly, something Boss himself was not capable of.

“You gonna take it all now? Kill me? Get the goods, if I have them? By the way... what was it you wanted from me again?” Pillow asked nonchalantly, as if he was speaking a child.

Boss grunted, refusing to be patronized, “No more games here. Me and my boys have been chasing you all over Canada. We know it was you who hacked all those codes, and we know you’ve got the information we need to pull of this heist. So stop pretending you’re stupid....you’re not that stupid.” Boss Werrstscheitz stroked Mint’s face creepily, and Mint almost felt violated, though he refused to look away from Boss’s now sweating face as the criminal leaned into him further and muttered, “You know what went down in that case Pillow.”

A muffled snort was heard a few feet behind, and Mint saw Boss’s eyebrow twitch, his pupils dilate in anger that someone might have dared snort and ruin his dramatic villain speech.

He whirled around loudly, and peered at his three henchmen with rising rage, “WHO.... WHO JUST SNORTED?!” The command came out louder than even he expected, and Mint thought he saw a vein pop in the large man’s neck.

The three men stood motionless for a moment, then finally one of them, on the far right, cracked.

“Sorry boss, it’s just that... I don’t know if you know it... but you made a joke.” He chuckled nervously under Boss’s infuriated stare.

“And WHAT... joke, Trudas, did I in fact... MAKE.” Boss sputtered at every word, his eyes looking crazed with impatience.

Trudas, as was his name, stared at Boss dumb-foundedly for sometime, then shook his head a bit and stuttered an explanation, “Well... you said something to Pillow here, like down... and case... and his name being Pillow and all, I couldn’t help but think of a down pillow-case...” Boss stared at Trudas in disbelief, and the henchman shrank a little, “Th-that is... I’m sure you intended it boss, cuz you’re clever like that. And in your support I say it was well-said, and ... well, it was funny.” He slapped his knee nervously and smiled in a stiff manner.

Boss blinked a strained and tight blink, then returned to Mint Pillow, murmuring how he would shoot Trudas later to let off some steam. He failed to notice that Mint now had his hands free from the cuffs, and that his sunglasses were now safely tucked in the collar of his shirt.

“Where was I...” Boss squinted.

“Something about a case of some sort...you know you really should get some better henchmen.” Mint suggested. Boss rolled his eyes and sighed, “You know, I really should. These three have been awful. No help at all really. That one with the gun? He’s never used it in his life.”

The one with the gun shifted uncomfortably as the other two looked over at him.

“Good help is just hard to come by these days,” Mint said understandingly, and patted Boss on the shoulder with his recently freed arm. Boss nodded sadly, “It really is though.” He looked down to the side a moment, trying to contemplate what was wrong with this picture. Before it struck him, however, Mint had launched from the chair with shocking force and pinned the big man to the ground.

“Or maybe you just weren’t smart enough to find any.” Mint rasped in Werrstscheitz’s ear. Boss wriggled and roared at his henchmen, who leapt out of their stupors and aimed their weapons menacingly at the attacker.

Mint Pillow glared at them, “Oh you all know you aren’t capable of taking me down, you’ve heard it from him too,” he jerked his head toward Boss, whom he now had successfully handcuffed with the same cuffs that had cuffed him minute before.

The henchmen exchanged glances, not knowing what to do.

“I’ll take that,” Mint motioned the guy with the gun to pass over the weapon to him.

Reluctantly, the henchman did so, and Boss screamed something at him, though nobody quite knew what it was that he said.

Mint checked the gun, then pulled some bullets from his own pocket, loaded the weapon, and re-cocked it, looking at the henchman who had it previously with disappointment, “Really? It wasn’t even loaded?”

The henchman shrugged, “We’re really just here to look tough and intimidating...” He admitted, and the other two hung their heads in shame.

The escapee stood up, pointing the gun at Boss’s head, “Nobody move, or I shoot him,” then, after considering how little weight this threat had, he added, “And all of you next!”

He backed away slowly until his extended other hand hit a door-knob. Upon turning it and swinging the door open, he stepped aside, pocketed the gun, and held out his arms all in one swift motion, just as a young lady, bound and gagged, fell forward from leaning on the door, which evidently was to a closet of some sort. He caught her smoothly and released her bonds as she looked up at him adoringly.

The henchman stared. Apparently they hadn’t even known she was in there. Boss let out a furious, animal-like sound, and clambered to his feet. Mint’s weapon was still in his pocket, and Boss took this opportunity to charge at him.

Immediately, the gun was back out and, holding the girl close to his chest with one arm, Mint fired and struck true, more than just grazing Boss’s shoulder, a fair warning shot not to try anything else. Boss howled in pain and thudded again to the ground, unable to keep his balance from still being hand-cuffed.

“You... you’re a ....!!!” He said an awful word that I will leave up to your imagination.

Mint seemed proud of this statement, but the pretty girl at his side frowned and quickly responded, “No he isn’t!” She looked up at him with supreme adoration, “He’s the best boyfriend ever. He’s the most plushy, lovable, and considerate guy I know. He always accepts a hug, and doesn’t mind if you sneeze on him.” He smiled down at her, and winked, causing her to melt a little. The henchmen all shuddered, though I must mention that one of them may have been wondering what it was like to hug Mint right then.

Boss was still wriggling in pain on the ground, and it was clear that his three henchmen had no intention of doing anything about it. I suppose that’s what you get for hiring expendables.

“Well, I really must be going.” Our hero declared, grabbing from Boss Werrstscheitz’s pocket an item of significance which occured further back in the unexplored plot line.

Still clutching the girl close, he quickly typed in a code which he acquired earlier in some clever way, and opened the door of the interrogation room.

“Tally-ho chaps.” He said with a cool click of his tongue, and the henchmen waved in awe.

“WAIT!...” Boss shouted, panting in his agony, “...Who.... Who are you?!”

Our hero smirked a little, and turned around, being careful not to whack his girlfriend against the doorway, and looked down with little respect for Boss Werrstscheitz.

“I told you before Boss. The name’s Pillow,” He said in the most cool and collective voice achievable by human vocal chords, and he returned the sunglasses to his face, “Mint Pillow.”

Then he did one of those short laughs, the silent ones through the nose that involve a brief shrug and a superior blink, and then he was gone.

Lesson learned Boss, a Pillow is a slayer, especially a Mint one, so don’t mess with a Mint Pillow, unless you’re lookin’ to be slayed.

Please do not copy this story and call it your own if you had the insane intention to do so, be sure to include all the authors and embellishments at the beginning if you wish to spread this beautiful tale. It really is quite a wonder, and I want you to enjoy it, not envy it.