Home of Rhett & Link fans - the Mythical Beasts!

No offensive ones please! :) 

I'm in the mood for a good chuckle. Here's a couple of my standbys: 

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into  the concrete wall?

A: "Dam."


Q: Where did the King keep his armies?

A:...in his sleevies! xD 

Your turn! I'm a sucker for corny humor. Give me some good ones to add to the arsenal! 

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Q: What did the apple say to the orange?
A: Nothing, because apples can't talk. Duh.

Oh wow. XD
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says "It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements and you could injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed so that you can drink from them. So... you should probably leave."

Two muffins are in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Man, it's hot in here!" And the other says, "AHH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"

I left for college in September. My parents threw quite a going-away party for me, according to their letter.
Oh Chilla, someones been watching Coco <3
Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef Jerky

Gosh, that's horrible.
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!

Yes sir, it's fresh ground. :)
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them grasps his heart and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The second hunter hurriedly calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “I think my friend is dead! What should I do?”

The operator calmly says, “Ok, hold on, sir. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

The line is silent for a second, and then a gunshot is heard. The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says, “Ok, now what?”

Heh heh heh...
Here's a few for ya...

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? (a carrot)
What's brown and sticky? (a stick)

How do you catch a unique rabbit? (unique up on it)
How do you catch a tame rabbit? (the tame way)

A group of Grandmasters were checked into a local hotel. As they were checking in, each of them began to brag about how great their endgames were... the desk clerk finally could take no more and ordered them to leave. The bellhop asked him why he would kick out patrons of the hotel for simply talking. The clerk replied "If there's one thing I can't stand, it's chess nuts boasting in an open foyer." (ahhhhhhh holiday puns)
Ultimate Lamesauce:
A priest, a rodeo clown and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some sort of a joke?"

"Take my wife . . . please." ~ Henny Youngman, King of the One-Liners

There are two atoms, one atom says to the other atom
" You stole and electron from me!"
the other says " are you sure?"
He replies "yes, I'm positive!"

Q: what goes black white black white black white black white black white black white black white?

A: pinguïn roling down a hill

Q: what is black and white and laughs?

A: the pinguïn that pushed him :D
Ol' Fred had been a religious man who was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.

The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ol' Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The preacher thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket.

At the funeral, as he was finishing the message, he realised that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ol' Fred died.

He said, "You know, Ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."

He opened the note, and read out loud, "Hey, you're standing on my oxygen tube?"

This is funny.


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