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I think I'm a ghost...seriously

Nobody likes me

Nobody cares

Nobody even KNOWS that i'm there

Even my so-called friends ignore me

I suffer from clinical depression and GAD and anxiety and misophonia and insomnia and anhedonia - because of my depression

I dont like attention so when i tell ppl about my depression and how nobody likes me and even without knowing me, everybody hates me, and that ive been depressed for almost a year and etc, i just want them to know that there are ppl like me who r like that and i want them to sympathize/emphasize and stuff

but whenevr i tell ppl stuff like that, they always accuse me of overreacting or faking or being an attention-seeker

it hurts me alot

that nobody trusts me

they all think im a fake

what they dont know is that is SO real

and i constantly have times when i would rather be killing myself

like last night...

im sorry..im annoying

so im lost

i dont know wat to do rn

I...want..to die..right now...

I am so thru with life...I shouldn't exist

I'm breathing heavily and my whole body hurts

Dont they know that evn the littlest of things they do hurt me? (Im talking abt EVERYONE IN MY LIFE who hurt me not specifics BTW)

OMG YYYYYYYYYY?!

I have an opinion too...apparently nobody else thinks so

Why do I exist?!

Somebody....idek tbh...

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You are not a ghost. Firstly, have you talked to a doctor about these feelings? That is the first step.

Secondly, you must realise a lot of the negative thoughts are in your head. Your mind is the biggest enemy you have when it comes to depression and anxiety. For the rest, please realise that anonymity makes people callous and rude. Please realise the opinions of some online strangers seeking attention are meaningless in the scheme of things, 

If you need to talk, I usually log in every other day. If you are feeling suicidal, call emergency services.

No, I haven't talked to my doctor. I talk to my mom a bit but its awkward..i keep a diary so i can write down evthg. That helps me more. Thank u for caring. Im happy that i can at least count on the ppl like u

I would try to contact a doctor or psychiatrist, or if that is not an option look into charitable organisations that offer counselling and workgroup sessions. I know it is difficult to do, so I would suggest taking a written letter with all the feelings, behaviours and background that might be related to your condition. That way if your mind goes blank during the session you can refer back to it or simply hand to over to the professional to read. 

The most soul crushing part of depression for me is the anhedonia. I deal with this a lot. There's a lot of hobbies I have dropped because I no longer find the pleasure or motivation in them - reading, playing the piano, learning Spanish, dancing... It's difficult to find that spark again once you've lot it. Sometimes I even have trouble watching Netflix and Youtube videos. For the anhedonia, practicing mindfulness has been helpful. Look it up, if you're unfamiliar with it. It's just about trying to truly feel the present. Like today I took my dog for a walk in the park and it was below freezing. The grass where the trees had cast shadows was frozen and crunchy under my feet. My dog makes this snuffly sound whenever she's sniffing something intently. I was cold but oddly it didn't bother me. I liked feeling something and not be on autopilot. 

i have coaching

ya anhedonia sucks..im losing anime joy and anime is smthg i luv most! its so depressing

i...want.....to..die

Hi Aishah,

After reading your post, the moderators looked into your concerns regarding the chatroom and members' behavior but found no record or evidence of anyone telling you to "fuck off" or similar. However, in the future, if you ever experience and can provide evidence of rudeness or mistreatment, please don't hesitate to reach out and send a report to a moderator for review and action.

Thank you!

K-Mod Victoria

omg i DISTINCTLY remember sm1 telling me to f off...omfg wats wrong with me?! ew im such a pathetic bitch...nvm ill just..handle things on my own? Bc nobody understands me so watever

I feel you. Rely on your friends, because im sure you have them. Sometimes you just need to scream into someones face, cry, and eat a cupcake

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