What if Shakespeare had written The Hokey-Pokey?

The Washington Post has a weekly contest called the Style Invitational. One contest asked readers to submit "instructions" for something (anything), but written in the style of a famous person. The popular winning entry was "The Hokey Pokey (as written by William Shakespeare)" by Jeff Brechlin of Potomac Falls, VA and submitted by Katherine St. John.

 O proud left foot that ventures quick within

 Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.

 Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:

 Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.

 Commence then thou the fervid Hokey-Poke,

 A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl;

 To spin!

 A wilde release from Heaven's yoke.

 Blessed dervish!  Surely canst go, girl.

 The Hoke -- the Poke --

 Banish thou doubt.  

 Verily, I say, 'tis what is all about.