A rope walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey! Get out of here. We don't serve ropes here." The rope leaves, ties himself into a knot to disguise himself, and goes back in. Bartender says, "Hey, wait a minute. Aren't you that rope I just kicked out? Get out of here!" The rope leaves again, and this time seems to be quite distressed. The rope sits down outside the bar, and starts pulling and scratching at himself until he starts to unravel. He decides to give it one last shot. The rope walks back into the bar, and the bartender says, "Gosh darn it, aren't you that rope?" The rope says, "Nope. 'Fraid/Frayed knot."
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
(a) He got the stuffing knocked out of him
Why can't you take a turkey to church?
(a) Because they use such FOWL language
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.
The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"
How to Train a Cat
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
What's the difference between karate and judo?
Answer: Karate (空手) is a traditional Japanese form of unarmed combat, now widely popular as a sport, in which fast blows or kicks are administered to pressure-sensitive points on the body of an opponent.
A martial art originating from the Ryukyu Islands in what is now Okinawa, Japan, karate was developed from indigenous fighting methods called te (手, literally "hand"; Tii in Okinawan) and Chinese kenpō. Karate is a striking art using punching, kicking, knee and elbow strikes, and open-handed techniques such as knife-hands (karate chop). Grappling, locks, restraints, throws, and vital point strikes are taught in some styles.
A bear walks into a bar. The bartender is very surprised. The bear asks for a beer and the bartender serves him. The bear puts a $20 bill on the counter. The bartender sees this as an oppritunity to save some money. He gives the bear a $5 bill.as change. "You know," the bartender said, "we don't get many bears in here." The bear says "At 15 bucks a beer I'm not surprised!"